IELTS WRT: CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS TO DEAL WITH OBESITY

the obesity problem

For a few decades lately, people have not cared so much about their health as they did. Therefore, an unorganized life style occurred in the majority of people that would probably lead to crucial illness or even death. One of the most attentive symptoms that people are easily involved in is obesity. This essay will look at some main causes and draw a few solutions relating.

From what i have seen, the primary reason severely puts pupils into overweight condition is that people have been consuming an enormous amount of junk food or others considered not good for health. Specifically, citizens seem rather to buy food from a street food-stall or a convenient store nowadays than make it on themselves due to its both cheap prices and amazing flavor. In particularly, in Viet Nam, teenagers are highly addicted to non-healthy food which can be enumerated as: milk tea, coffee, fast food, etc. The way forward could be to propagandize or even educate them about people's health and show them how bad could it be when they eat so much high calories food in near future. This solution may make them pay more awareness on what they are doing, ergo may reduce the obese rate.

Secondly, thanks to the innovation of technologies, people are now so unwilling to put their phone down to go out for a walk or can't afford the pay for the gym. This lack of activities would obviously cause obesity because they compensate more calories than they need. For example, if you eat totally 2000 calories a day but you just run on errands which only need about a thousand in total, the redundant calories will be accumulate and consequently you will be overweight after few months. The solution is for governments to build more free outdoor exercising devices. This act may stimulate people to get out of their home and start working out because it's free and near.

In conclusion, obesity is a big problem that we need to concern about properly. Although, those kind of unhealthy food taste well, it's still harmful and need consuming under your control. In my opinion, unless we start to change and obey a healthy meal plan, we will soon not only be overweight but also other severe illness.

The focus of this essay, based on the original prompt is not obesity among adults but rather, obesity among children. The reference point is that children now suffer adult illnesses like obesity. So your topic restatement is faulty as it does not acknowledge the original information in the proper manner. You have not given an accurate restatement of the original prompt.

Your discussion paragraphs start off properly with the reference to children, but then moves into the adult reference territory. Again, this is an incorrect discussion method as the focus of the essay should remain on the kids. All synonyms for children must be used throughout the presentation. You should not fall back into referring to adults because they are not the target topic of the discussion. So the discussion is tangential in response and will be scored accordingly.

In the example you gave in the third paragraph, you should avoid using the word "you" in an essay, because this is academic writing. Instead, replace "you" with people, or a specific group, such as consumers.

In your conclusion, avoid saying " In my opinion, ....". This is because the question asks you about the causess and solutions, it doen't ask for your opinion. So, don't waste your time on this and be run-on.