[IELTS WTITING 1] The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year

Hi. I'm glad to have someone review my writing. Please give me some feedback and thank you!

sales of jeans graph

The graph depicts the predicted sales of jeans in Turkey of Mango Co and Jack & Jones Co company in the following year. Transactions are measured in thousands of jean pairs.

Generally speaking, there will be an upward trend in the sale of jeans. Furthermore, Turkish customers are predicted to buy more jeans from Jack & Jones Co than from Mango Co.

Regarding Mango Co, their sale amount in the first four months is predicted to start low around 100 thousand pairs. Following this, it will increase gradually until reach a plateau of 500 thousand jeans from August to November, and eventually, at the end of the period, peak at around 600 thousand pairs in December.

Switching to Jack & Jones Co, their sales numbers are predicted to be higher than that of Mango Co, with the only exception in two months July and August. Starting the period with a high amount of sales of more than 400 thousand pairs of jeans, Jack & Jones company then is expected to see a sharp decrease in their sales figures by 200 thousand jeans in February. After that, the forecasted sales will bounce back gradually at 400 thousand pairs in June and level off at this amount till August. Finally, the sale amount will increase considerably and reach a peak of about 900 thousand pairs at the end of the period.

• 
  111.png
  

The essay is too long to be completed within 20 minutes. Aim to write only 200 words as this is the ideal number that will allow for a quick and almost complete analysis within the time frame provided.


Always aim for clarity in your descriptions. Since this is a combined columnar and line graph, describe it as it is. That is because the summary representation is needed to help the reader gain a better and more solid imaginative understanding of the the said information source. Saying it is a graph is accurate, but a columnar line graph would be the most accurate and better scoring of the two descriptions.


Oops. You were remiss in writing the abbreviated word for company. Never forget to place a period at the end of the shortened spelling. You may look up how to abbreviate or shorten words using the correct punctuation marks online.

The second paragraph became too short. It requires at least 3 sentences in the analysis paragraphs. The second sentence should have been divided with a third sentence representing the second thought that was accidentally merged into the previous 2nd sentence.

You have written an excellent first effort. It is clear and very much along the lines of a comparative analysis report. Save for these 2 problems that I found, I believe that you could receive a passing score for the task next time. Just make sure to correct the over writing and run-on problems then.