IELTS: Whether to have a year to rest after high schools continues to be a controversial topic

discuss about a gap year between school and university

topic: Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.

esssy:
Whether to have a year to rest after high schools continues to be a controversial topic, and there are valid reasons on both sides. I will discuss it as follows.

One the one hand, the supporters of a gap year before university may think that students should be given time to think in-depth about their lives through the real world. Their explanations may as follows. For one thing, it is widely agrees that a majority of youngsters have no specific idea about their future. In this case, they may get into trouble when they need to choose the majors that they will study for, which is considered to be an important decisions in people's life. However, spending time in voluntary work and other social activities may help them find their missions and the aim of university education. For another, they can broaden their horizons by experiencing different cultures, job positions, etc. by a variety of activities during the period of time.

On the other hand, some parents points out the time wasting and safety issues if their children are encouraged to have a one-year free time after high schools and it might be the reasons why they are against the gap year. Evidence has shown that a large number of pupils may stay at home, playing computer games instead of stepping of their comfort zone to experience something new, which may led to the waste of their precious time in early adulthood. Furthermore, those young people who are not circumspect enough are possible to meet some problems such as robbery, drug addiction and so on, which threatens their lives.

In summary, from my perspectives, even though there are some concerns about gap year, the benefits of it still outweigh the disadvantages considering the positive impacts on young people. In order to avoid the negative factors, it is better to help students foster time-management and self-protection skills.

Your discussion is good but lacking. This comparison, not A/D essay is always discussed using the 5 paragraph format. You cannot summarize the 2 points of view and then propose that as both your concluding sentence and opinion. The opinion is the 3rd paragraph within the reasoning presentation. The conclusion is a summary of the 3 discussion points and topic statement. You got confused in your presentation,which led to the formatting error. By the way, you are a single person, you have only 1 perspective. Perspectives refers to several points of view, coming from several persons. That is not the case here. Brush up on your singular and plural word form / usage. That is a clear GRA and LR error.

This is an academic paper that does not require the use of word shortcuts. That means, you do not use the term "etc." in the presentation. Use a full stop instead. In terms of content, your reasoning focus so much on the examples, but not the justifications or supporting explanations for the examples. Therefore, these paragraphs will be deemed under developed and confusing in presentation. You must always provide one strong example, then use the remaining sentence allotments to help further explain why the examples support the earlier presented public opinion.