Hi guys, I hope to gain some feedback from you on how to improve my writing.Thank you.
TASK:In some countries today young people are less respectful and polite to others. What could be the reasons behind such behavior? What can be done about it?
Society brings changes to the lifestyle and culture of an individual as it influences each and every person to become someone who is socially acceptable by the people around them. Nowadays, it is evident in some countries that the younger generation has become less respectful and polite towards others. Numerous reasons have been said as to which aspects in a society might have caused these changes.
First of all, most young people believe that the world is cruel because they perceive that being a good samaritan will invite more chances of being pushed around or bullied. Furthermore, it is said that parents who trains their children to practice politeness are ironically molding them to be weak members of the society in the future while the opposite yields future strong leaders. Thus, youngsters have resorted to become tough and rude individuals in order to survive in this type of environment.
Another reason is the influence brought about by peers and parents. As the saying goes, "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are". Most juveniles have the tendency to think, dress and act like the people around them because they perceive it is the only way to blend in a group and be accepted. Naturally, if a young individual tags along a group of disrespectful friends, eventually he will have the same attitude sooner. Similarly, parents also have a great amount of influence to their children because they are looked up to as role models by the latter. Thus, every action and gesture seen in their parents are considered morally good.
Basing on the reasons shown, it is a fact that young people are persuaded to show less respect and kindness these days. However, these circumstances are not considered uncontrollable and unavoidable. Many solutions can be done to address these problems and one of them is the role portrayed by parents at home. Parents should continuously teach their children the importance of morale values and they should always guide them to become good members of the society in the future. In addition, parents should also be aware to the kind of friends their children are having, those who are bad influence should be avoided.
hii Gmad06
I'm giving you feedback from very little knowledge because I got inspired by your writing.
Your words and sentences are too good and your ideas are very impressive, I learn so much from your writing. I think this writing deserves at least 8 bands.
You write very well and there are no doubts about your writing skills. So you should aim a real good band. However, you better include specific examples for your reasons in the body paragraphs. Since these tasks have a major bearing on time management, I would suggest you to limit your reasons to one reason in each paragraph.
