Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS TASK 2: Young people should be leader or the old ones?



Dang Khoa 11 / 41  
Jul 21, 2019   #1

age of a good leader



The question: some people say that young people should be the leader, others say the old is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

MY ESSAY:
Commonly, the elder is usually the leader, director, and manager of everything. However, there are some people think that the young are better at controlling. This passage will discuss both perspectives and give my commentary.

First of all, it is beneficial when permitting the young to become the president. Because of their strength, dynamic, and supreme energy, they can work longer than the old ones, which means they can contribute more to the country. Secondly, they have positive, creative, new modern thinking that may develop the country. For instance, instead of preventing the flood by dikes and damps like humans usually do, the young will preclude that by digging a big hole on the ground which can stop the flood as well as saving some money. This is already applied by Japan's government and it worked effectively.

On the other hand, allowing senior people to lead the country also gives some advantages. The old always have more experiences than the young. In other words, they can do work that nobody can not. Taking Donald Trump, the president of the USA as an example. This gentleman can predict the future so precisely that avoid so many disasters such as the economy's fall, incoming war and more all because of his experiences . Secondly, the old have a more practical thinking that may enhance the country better than the idealistic thinking of the young. Donald Trump has built a wall against Mexico in order to take care of his country and avoid criminals in Mexico too while the young may let them in because of pity which can cause consequences in the future.

Both views all have strong points, but personally, I think it is not important to choose the leader through age. It is more essential to choose the leader through their thinking and behavior. Even though that the old have better thinking because of their experiences, that better thinking actually can make a downward trend. Due to being too intelligent, people become more greedy and dictatorial and the results is clear. Thus, there is another factor that decides a leader, moral.

In conclusion, both perspectives has its pros and cons, but in my view, i think to become a leader, they must have a practical thinking, righteous actions and good moral.

( Somebody please help me how to reduce the length of this essay, i think this passage is too long and it may downgrade my points :V, is that so then help me because whenever i meet this kind of question, i always make it long even though i try to make it short and clear :V. It will be helpful if u help me thank you very much )


Maria - / 1096  
Jul 21, 2019   #2
@Dang Khoa
Hello there. I hope you're doing well. I'll try my best to help you in this essay. I hope this will be beneficial for your essay in the long-run.

In general, I do think you are right when you say that you need to reduce the overall length of your essay to create a more concise structure. Doing this will help you have more meaningful sentences iwthin a shorter frame. In order to do this, I recommend evading the usage of filler words that do not contribute to the overall sentence of your writing. For instance, evade using the word "some" when it's unnecessary. The fundamental rule of thumb that you can follow is that, if you can remove a specific word and still have the same meanignful content, you can opt to remove it.

Best of luck as always. I hope these guidelines wiwll help you.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Young people should be leader or the old ones?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳