Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Writing Task 2: young people have no leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to study hard


Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Nov 8, 2016   #1
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?


Nowadays, the youth spend most of time on studying without doing the things they like. Honestly, this phenomenon may led to lots of problems since they burden too much pressure.

To begin with, I convinced that the most of pressure comes from their parents. Parents always expect their children being outstanding. In order to achieve the goal, parents will supervise their children whether they study hard. Secondly, it has become more and more competitive in modern society. People who are more extraordinary than the peer can be chosen to those top companies. Beside earning a living, people are seeking to be successful. These factors cause a lot of negative effects, such as disease, tension of society, moreover, the growth of suicide. People should considerate these problems seriously.

I suppose the direct solution is to change people's concept that studying is not the only method to success. Therefore, we should start change it from the individual to the organization. People should advocate the parity of each occupation and realize that each occupation is respectable, the white-collar is not better than the blue-collar. Moreover, the government should fund a scholarship to encourage those have talent in sport, music and painting children.

It cannot deny that studying is important to the young people since knowledge is the foundation of developing. But we have to agree with that under no circumstance should they scarify their leisure time for studying only, they deserve to explore the world without bearing any burden.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,031 2721  
Nov 8, 2016   #2
Arlen, this essay reads like a solid 5 to me in the scoring band. While the introductory paragraph is quite wanting in terms of a proper restatement of the prompt and a summary of the proceeding discussion, the overall opinion that you stated within the essay is not bad at all. You obviously have a strong opinion on the topic, which makes me think that you are perhaps speaking from experience. While your sentence development needs work and more familiarity with the English grammar rules and vocabulary is necessary, somehow, I found myself clearly understanding what it is that you are trying to say. That is the most important part of this test. The fact that the examiner can understand your message could very well gain you a passing score in this test. That is the most important consideration of all. I do believe that you will continue to improve over time. After all, you can already think in English. You just need to become fluent in thinking in English and writing using the language.


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: young people have no leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to study hard