pleasw check for my grammar, sentence structures, uh, more details, thanks so much~~
Agree or disagree: modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.
youngsters' heavy pressure
In today's world, the problems we face are more complex and challenging, the more sensibly we plan and organize our time, money and energy, the more successful we will be. It is undeniable that having those abilities means ones can work and study more effciently, better adapt themselves to the environment, moreover they can always live a high qulity life.
To begin with, with the rapid development of society, we young people suffer from heavier pressure from work and study. One important reason of that is we do not have enough time, therefore how to plan and organize our time is extremely crucial. When do we work? When do we study to expand our scope of knowledge? When do we take exercise to keep health? When do we watch a movie for an entertainment? Only by arranging our time reasonably can we make life more methodical and meaningful. Take me for an example, now I am a junior student in university and at the same time, I am prepared for the toefl examination. Every morning I open my eyes, a myriad of issues are waiting for me: attending so many major classes, completing the assignment in the laboratary, sparing time to accompany parents and friends, enjoying personal entertainment time. All these things occupy most of my 24 hours a day. I need to well coordinate them and the importance of a careful schedule is manifest. I can use a well-organized plan to get rid of trifling stuff, or end unnecessary disturbance due to my temporary ideas. So only by putting all things in good order can I deal with all them with full initiative and enthusiasm, which prevents me from falling into a passive position.
In addition, an increasing number of young people aware of the attainment of economic independence is a key marker of the contemporary transition to adulthood. Modern life is full of material temptations. Mansion, sports car, famous brand clothing, young people are easy to use their money sightless than the old one. Thus the capability to plan and organize their money seems very essential in their daily life. Having the financial sense and being economic-minded will make their life more wealthy. For instance, Warren Edward Buffett is one of the most successful investors in history, because he used his money intelligentlly, in 2008, Buffett became the richest man in the world dethroning Bill Gates.
Last but not the least, with the increasing competition of the world, young people are face with more challenges. For the reason that each person's energy is finite, how to plan and organize their energy is of great significance. An apt illustration of this argument is in 2006 The Japanese labor bureau has ruled that the lead engineer in the development of the Toyota Camry Hybrid died directly from overwork. We may safely draw the conclusion from that the way we organize our energy helps determine whether or not we can achieve our maximum potential in this life.
In sum, given that arranging our time,money and energy rationlly can help us cope with a large amount of issues more smoothly and make our life more wonderful, I am convinced that we young people should plan and organize as the modern life is more complex....that having those abilities enables one to work and...
I suggest adding one more sentence to that intro paragraph -- a brilliant, thoughtful sentence that reveals a meaningful insight you had into the importance of planning. For example, does planning enable you to avoid missing opportunities? Say something a bit more specific, so that the reader of the essay can say, "Oh, I see that this student is making a case for the importance of planning as (A moral responsibility? A strategy for gaining competitive advantage? A skill made necessary by advances in technology and globalization?)
Oh, I see that you gave some great examples, and the essay began to really have definition. Now that you see what you wroe, go back and revise the intro paragraph so that it introduces these specific points you made.
Then, do the same for the conclusion. State your main point in both intro and conclusion. This needs to be done after the essay is finished (i.e. now). Great job!!
