Young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community

It is said that society will be better when the youth takes charge of jobs which are not paid. Although the young can provide a free workforce for their community as well as gain knowledge, I believe that it is more harmful to them due to some reasons.

Granted, the young people will bring several advantages if they do unpaid work. First of all, there are more free human resources to do volunteer jobs which help the dwellers tackle daily problems. The young can help with some kinds of jobs which lack workers and are not affordable for the poor, such as taking care of the elderly who live alone, repairing houses or teaching children. As a result, they can overcome such difficulties and further, the people's well-being is also improved. Moreover, the youth can learn new skills and gain experience when doing unpaid work. For example, he or she has to learn how to cook properly when they serve free meals for homeless people or find ways to teach English to children. These practical skills are not only useful for them in daily life but also help them have a clear plan for their future job. However, young people can learn such skills and gain experience when they attend extracurricular activities organized by their schools. Career orientation programs provide students necessary information about concerned jobs; meanwhile, they can also have advice and realistic experience from professionals and experts in each field.

However, despite some benefits above, I am of the opinion that the disadvantages of this tendency outweigh its advantages. Teenagers can not concentrate on their studies if they are forced to do unpaid jobs. They have to split their time and energy between volunteer work and study, which can make them stressed and exhausted. In the long run, this will lead to lower academic performance and affect career opportunities in the future. As a consequence, the young might suffer from difficulties in life and even become a burden to the country. Furthermore, some people doing some simple work which do not require much knowledge and skills like domestic workers will become jobless. This is because the citizens will not need to hire them thanks to volunteers. Therefore, the day in which those can not have income and live in poverty is inevitable.

In conclusion, I believe that the are some positive effects on the young and the community when young people do jobs without payment, but its negative effects are more significant.

Your topic restatement is not connected to the original prompt. Therefore, your paraphrasing is inaccurate. It will reduce your TA score since it deviates from the original topic presentation. The lack of thesis statement also prevents additional clarity from being seen in the writer's opinion section. That is not a passing score paragraph.

The reasoning paragraphs should have explained how the information that seem like advantages are actually disadvantages. It should not be presenting any conflicting information that shows the writer is not really sold on the opinion that he has presented. You cannot use a comparison discussion because the idea, is to convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one, based upon the comparison of information (pro and con) per paragraph.

Hi there, I'm a bit confused by your conjunction " granted", I assume that the previous sentence and the following one should hold a same idea, so that " granted" will be the linking word. I mean " granted" is used to admit sth true before stating something else which has the same idea with the previous sentence....

Hope you get what I meant.