Young people have a right to choose suitable profession due to their own will

Recently, profession that young people would take is determined by parents. While some people believe that it is because parents tend to have more experience than their children and they have responsibility for their children future, I personally believe that young people have a right to choose their profession due to their willing....

Hi! My edits and suggestions are below:

Recently, profession(s) that young people would take is determined by parents. While some people believe that it is because parents tend to have more experience than their children and they have responsibility for their children future, I personally believe that young people have a right to choose their profession due to their willing( < This is a good point but it is a run-on sentence, please make it two sentences).

I would argue that parents have much experience and knowledge about various professions which ( that will) help them to decide their option(s) for (their) children(s) job(s). Result shows that 65% of young people regret about their decision(s) to take the profession due to less knowledge and experiences about the profession. It is thus clear that young people need much information about the job before deciding to join the profession. ( < Good points...So do you agree or disagree with parent choosing? Please make it a little clearer)

Another reason why Parents that should choose the profession is about responsibility to ensure the children future. For example, many young people in Australia are more likely to follow the parents career that can guarantee them to be success(ful). As a result, the parents can monitor their children to work a job.

However, the negative side of this trend is about young people's willing that if it ( the job) is unsuitable with their profession can be caused of the increase of stress and depression( <consider revising this sentence, the wording is unclear) . This is because their activities that they do are not originally from their heart and tend to follow the instruction of their parents. The research illustrates 70% of employers are not love their job. If people choose their profession based on their job( < you have a good point, but profession and job have same meanings, change the wording.) , they are more likely to love their job. There is no doubt that parents should give opportunity for children to choose the profession that they like.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although parent's responsibility and knowledge in profession in a job (? Consider revising) are very important to determine the young people's career, young people willing may not be neglected that can make them to be frustration. I hope parents should be more wise for deciding their children career.

Hi! You have some great points! I have given you some edit suggestions. Some of your sentences are very wordy and hard to understand. What may help you is to write shorter sentences for the sentences I asked for you to revise, overall you have a good argument. Good luck on your revisions!

Thank you very much for your suggestion, it is very beneficial for me to improve my writing skill