'I have always been deeply interested in computing' - personal statement

Thank you very much for providing me the opportunity to express my feelings regarding my higher study in United States.
From an early age, I have always been deeply interested in computing, after finishing elementary school my dad bought me first PC. I can always remember the feeling of wanting to know just how computer works and what is the black screen (command line), and what else they could do.

It was a privilege for me I have been provided with the opportunity to experience other cultures, I lived and worked four years and a half in UK, when I was at University, I graduated with B.Sc. in Internet computing from Manchester Metropolitan University. During my study the academic classes itself was very interesting; combining lectures, projects and individual and teamwork, and it was very challenging opportunity giving me a completely new perspective on life. However while in the UK during the summer I worked in a pizza restaurant to provide for educational expenses.

After graduation I went back to XXXXXX, and started working as a software programmer with XXXXXXXXXXXXX; which helped me gain sense of responsibility, learning to work with people. I learned to organize, plan and work systematically. Presently, in XXXXXXXXXXXX I am working in as member of system support Team in the Unix & Storage Architect (UNIX: AIX, Ubuntu, Fedora, RedHat Linux) IT Infrastructure Management & Capacity Planning on all UNIX flavors. This position enables me to gain deep knowledge in large system and work as team member.

My family runs private school; I have used 
all 
of
 my 
knowledge 
and
 skill 
to help family with their business to set up computer related environment. This prospect has given me new id of how business operates. I had to setup software environment with low cost where data is stored and this will help the staff to save and read data using web application service (Apache, MySQL, and PHP).


I hope to do my Master degree over the next years and attend graduate school to become an IT expert and academic researcher. I strongly believe that the master's program will give me the opportunity to gain a high level of research and expand my knowledge in the field of Computer science, and significantly impact on my career in the future to be a successful person to help my country in both the public and private sector

Example:
your statement / suggestion

#1 after finishing elementary school my dad bought me first PC. / after finishing elementary school, my dad bought me my first computer

#2 I can always remember the feeling of wanting to know just how computer works and what is the black screen (command line), what else they could do. / I can always remember having a strong interest in computers; their different functions, the use of the black screen (command line), and other various abilities.

#3 It was a privilege for me I have been provided with the opportunity to experience other cultures, I lived and worked four years and a half in UK, when I was at University, I graduated with B.Sc. in Internet computing from Manchester Metropolitan University. / To expand my knowledge of the technology, I lived and worked in the UK, where I attended the University of Manchester Metropolitan and graduated with a B.Sc.

#4 don't add the section about the pizza part

#5 My family runs private school; I have used all of my knowledge and skill to help family with their business to set up computer related environment. This prospect has given me new id of how business operates. I had to setup software environment with low cost where data is stored and this will help the staff to save and read data using web application service (Apache, MySQL, and PHP). / In addition my family currently runs a private school and given my position and interest in computers I have helped set up a computer related environment. This prospect has given me a new understanding on how business operates. I have setup a rather inexpensive way for staff members to read and save any given data using various web applications (Apache, MySQL, and PHP).

#6 your conclusion is amazing!