Hi,
I'm applying for Masters in Management Information System and have prepared the following SOP. Would love for people to review and share their feedback:
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
My mother is a Government school teacher who travels 20 km every day to an interior part of Odisha to teach tribal children. My father is a Government college lecturer who teaches Zoology to the bright minds of Odisha. My parents are my inspiration, living their lives along Nelson Mandela's words "Education is the key to change the world." Be it enrolling me for computer classes during my summer holidays or teaching me to solve Sudoku puzzles and crosswords from the Hindu, they have always wanted me to excel. They have always said "Being born in an underdeveloped state like Odisha should be your greatest strength, not a crippling weakness". I am thoroughly justified in saying that the passion for knowledge, discipline and hard work are in my genes. It has been my life's ambition to ride the wave of change happening across our state through education and contribute to its upliftment.
In school I fell in love with subjects that had practical implementations like Mathematics, Science and Computers. Experiments and real life examples helped me in learning instead of mugging up lessons. Computers fascinated me and the reach of technology in every walk of life awed me so much that I wanted to crack open their mysteries. So I opted for Electronics and Communication for my under grad studies. I went on to design a Water Level and Pump failure indicator which used a simple circuit design to solve our daily water woes. My major project included a Buggy robot mounted with a camera, which was controlled wirelessly. It used a microcontroller which has a programmable input/output. The applications of this robot were many; it could be used in various scenarios where human entry was impossible like nuclear radiation affected areas to collect data. This data could later be analysed to make life saving decisions. This experiment changed the way I looked at data. Its sheer potential to change lives inspired me to delve deeper into its applications.
But being a student from Electronics my curriculum only provided the basics of computer programming. So I enrolled for online courses like HTML, Java and Software Engineering. Using this self learning, I created an examination results portal for our college using Java Servlets. I was able to understand the requirements, translate them into a user friendly portal and maintain the large volume of data associated with it efficiently. As it was a single handed effort I faced a lot of challenges, however with perseverance, unalterable focus and hard work I was able to successfully launch this portal for the students of my batch. At that point I dreamed to be an analyst who uses tools for examining, cleaning, transforming, and modelling data to create valuable information. I was determined to take this passion forward.
Meanwhile my interests were not only confined to academics; I always believed that a well rounded education would positively impact a student's success. I indulged myself in extracurricular activities, learning to work as a team and grow as an individual. I was a core member of my branch association called E-onyx. We conducted technical events and seminars. My responsibilities ranged from event promotion, accounts and funds management, stage and acoustic setup, hosting, all of which brought out my creative side. I learnt my first lessons in leadership, financing, networking and communication through these events. It was never all work and no play; I spent my leisure time learning free style swimming, table tennis and participated in dancing and singing competitions.
My consistent efforts and diligence helped me secure a GPA of 8.28 out of 10 and I was in the top 7 % out of a total of 141 students. I landed a job with TCS, Asia's largest IT service provider. My 2 plus years with TCS have been the best ones of my life. We at TCS live and work by the values "Leading change, Integrity, Respect for the individual, Excellence, Learning and Sharing. We work with people from all over India learning to respect the diversity and imbibe the different cultures and traditions of our proud country. I am currently working for the Wolters Kluwer Financial Services - TCS relationship as a Quality Assurance Analyst. I have worked in Iterative Agile SDLC from Requirement analysis, Unit testing, QA, Bug fixes to review. To advance my testing knowledge I took up the International Software Testing Qualifying Board foundation level examination (ISTQB). I realised the importance of using automation to minimize testing effort and so I took up the HP certification in the Unified Functional Testing tool.
After 1 year I moved up to Quality Assurance lead where I played multiple roles like co-ordinating the daily tasks, communicating our status and issues to the product manager and product committee, and task reporting. I also was the DP prime where I used methods like Pareto and Fish Bone Analysis for defect management. This not only resulted in more robust and defect free deliverables but also prevented similar defects from occurring in future. All this was possible due to combination of various data and managing it so that right actions were taken while catering to the business needs. . I learnt a lot during these days but I also realised my shortcomings. I was at the crossroads of my professional career; I could take the path to be a technical expert or choose the path towards management. I wanted middle ground. After a lot of soul searching and weighing my options I decided that a course in Management of Information Systems is tailor fit to my aspirations and Syracuse University is the epicenter of the evolving world of Information management studies.
I am not wrong if I say I am allured by its rich history of being named as the first Information school to the cultural and intellectual diversity it fosters. I bring with me my raw talent experience I gained over the years and Syracuse with its distinguished faculty and students will help transform it into excellence that will make a lasting impression on the world. Special Initiatives like The it Girls- for High School Girls and Women in Information Technology which was listed in the website enticed me.
"IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN DO IT "and I know I can do it.
Thanking you and eagerly looking forward for your acceptance.
Monica, the first thing you have to do with this essay is remove your first 4 paragraphs. It provides information that is not really relevant to your MIS application. The reviewer is looking for information about what kind of career you are looking to pursue in the future, how that relates to your current job, and why you think the university you have chosen will best be able to help you complete those goals. He doesn't need to know the story of your parents or your GPA in college. That is irrelevant because it does not tell him anything about the kind of worker you are today and where you professional passions now lie. The current content of your first paragraph is best saved for a more relevant personal statement prompt. Maybe you will get the chance to use that in another prompt related to your application.
As a masters degree student, you should be offering information up to the reviewer that clearly depicts the reasons why you have chosen to pursue these higher studies. Is the reason something related to a career change? Or perhaps you are looking to get a promotion in your current line of work and this degree will help you achieve that. Whatever your reasons, those all fall under the purpose for your study. The purpose needs to be high on the list of information that the reviewer should know about so make sure you place it somewhere at the top of the page where he can easily access and take note of that information.
Your college information should only be an overview and not as detailed as it is now because you should have submitted a transcript of records with your application which the reviewer will review and consider during the application process. There is no need to repeat such detailed information in the statement of purpose because he has access to more complete records outside of your essay. That is what will give more weight to your application, not your discussion of your college days in this statement.
It will definitely serve your essay well if you can detail your professional experience in such a way that it will show the progression of your career going towards the required masters degree. I really like the way that you did that in the latter part of your essay starting with the line :" I landed a job with TCS, Asia's largest IT service provider." All of those remaining paragraphs contain the pertinent information relevant to your application. It really shows your career progression and possible training avenues that you can pursue in order to gain a better chance at improving your current position at your job. So when you revise your essay, make sure to use that as the second paragraph with the rest as succeeding paragraphs. Just omit the last part that says:
"IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN DO IT "and I know I can do it.
Thanking you and eagerly looking forward for your acceptance.
It is not necessary to leave a quote at the end of your essay, neither is it required that you close it like a letter. Don't sound so overeager to get into the university. Just be calm and subtle. Let them know that you would like to attend their university, period. Explain how you see the university programs helping you to achieve your goals in life.
@vangiespen
Hi Louisa,
Thanks a lot for your key inputs on my essay. I have re modified my essay based on your input. Can you comment on this ?
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Statement of Purpose:
I am a software professional working with TCS, Asia's largest IT service provider. My two years with TCS have been the best ones of my life. We at TCS live and work by the values "Leading change, Integrity, Respect for the individual, Excellence, Learning and Sharing. We work with people from all over India learning to respect the diversity and imbibe the myriad culture and traditions of our proud country. I am currently working for the Wolters Kluwer Financial Services - TCS relationship as a Quality Assurance Analyst. I have worked in Iterative Agile SDLC from Requirement analysis, Unit testing, QA, Bug fixes to review.
After 1 year I was promoted to Quality Assurance Lead where I played multiple roles like co-ordinating the daily tasks, communicating our status and issues to the product manager and product committee, and task reporting. I also was the DP prime where I used methods like Pareto and Fish Bone Analysis for defect management. This not only resulted in more robust and defect free deliverables but also prevented similar defects from occurring in the future. All this was possible due to combination of data analysis and management techniques so that right actions were taken while catering to the business needs. Now I am at the crossroads of my professional career; I could take a path to be a technical expert or choose the path towards management. I want middle ground. After a lot of soul searching and weighing my options I decided that a course in Management of Information Systems is tailor fit to my aspirations.
During my under grad studies in Electronics and Communication, I designed a wirelessly controlled buggy robot with a mounted camera. It used a microcontroller with programmable input/output. The applications of this robot were many; it could be used in various scenarios where human entry was impossible like nuclear radiation affected areas, to collect data. This data could later be analysed to make life saving decisions. This experiment changed the way I looked at data. Its sheer potential to change lives inspired me to delve deeper into its applications. I enrolled for online courses like HTML and Java. Using this self learning, I created an examination results portal using Java Servlets. I was able to understand the requirements, translate them to create a user friendly portal which handled large volumes of data efficiently. As it was a single handed effort I faced a lot of challenges, however with perseverance, unalterable focus and hard work I was able to successfully launch this portal for the students of my batch. At that point I dreamed to be an analyst who uses tools for examining, cleaning, transforming, and modelling data to create valuable information. I was determined to take this passion forward.
Meanwhile my interests were not only confined to academics; I always believed that a well rounded education would positively impact a student's success. I indulged myself in extracurricular activities, learning to work as a team and grow as an individual. I was a core member of our branch's association called E-onyx. We conducted technical events and seminars. My responsibilities ranged from event promotion, accounts and funds management, stage and acoustic setup, hosting, all of which brought out my creative side. I learnt my first lessons in leadership, financing, networking and communication through these events.
The indispensible need of successfully meeting the demanding and dynamically changing role of today's management information system kindled my interests for higher studies in the field of MIS. I am interested in Technology Development specialization that focuses on the development, implementation, and maintenance of systems that support information management. I would be elated to have the opportunity to study in a department, which will allow me to put my footmarks in the domain of System Designing by contributing fresh ideas and transforming those ideas in creating sophisticated products and applications.
Being born and raised in "Odisha", one of the backward states of my country has not stopped me from pursuing my dream of being associated with SU, the first Information Studies School in the US. Seeing my mother travel 20 km everyday with the purpose of teaching the tribal children and bring about a change in their lives in her own small way, is something that has fuelled my life's ambition of riding the wave of change and growth happening in our state due to education. Special initiatives in SU for women empowerment like The it Girls- for High School Girls and Women in Information Technology are causes that are very close to my heart and to which I will definitely contribute during my time there. I bring with me my raw talent and the experience I gained over the years and I am confident that Syracuse with its distinguished faculty and students will help transform it into excellence that will make a lasting impression on the world.
Thanking you and eagerly looking forward for your acceptance.
Hi Monica :-) I've finally finished reading and assessing your essay. After much examination and consideration, I have come to some conclusions regarding your current version of the essay.
With regards to the paragraphs that can be removed because it just doesn't move your SOP forward, I am recommending that you delete paragraphs 3 and 6. Paragraph 3 delves into your college background too much and ends up removing the focus from the purpose of your statement for a masters degree. Paragraph 6 is not relevant to your purpose for applying. The mention of your mother totally changes the focus of that paragraph so it is best to simply omit it.
Take paragraph five up in the essay, placing it in the place where your college information is at the moment. I think that will make it paragraph 2. It seems to be more relevant and informative when placed in that new position. It is more effective in helping focus your essay on the purpose of your studies. So by changing its place in the essay, you strengthen the overall written work.
After you reformat the essay paragraphs, review it and consider if there are any other paragraphs that you feel can be removed from the essay. If you think it is alright in its new form, post that new version here and I'll help you address the grammar problems next :-)
Monica, I read through your SOP and I'd like to share my views on the final part of your paper.
- Meanwhile my interests were not only confined to academics;, I always
- The indispensa ble need of
- to which I will definitely contribute during my time theremy years in the institution .
- and students will help transformassist my transformationit
- into excellence that will make a lasting impression on in the world.
- Thanking you and eagerly looking forward for your acceptanceconsideration .
As my remarks may be minor, they are vital in enhancing your essay and hopefully help with your application.
What I noticed in your essay is your lack of words to use in your essay, some of the words are commonly placed and this gives an awkward understanding in your application, I'm not saying that you have to use big words but at least try to experiment and make your application stand out.
