I am a woman of very limited vocabulary and experience in expressing myself through writing but what I lack in technicality I probably make up for it in passion and foolish guts. I even tried few times but then I guess did not have enough courage to fail. I have been a sports person for better part of my life and now in a corporate job but never believed in being the second best and as luck would pretend to favor the foolish. I never needed to be in the second spot till very recently. Professionally and personally, am feeling at a loss but then I am no exception to life's mysterious and trying ways.
So here it goes, what is important to me? A peaceful life with no heart, or a crazy, unrealistic, heart breaking life full of crazy dreams. I would rather go with latter because there is one thing in it that wouldn't let me give up ever; 'Dreams'. Not just any dream, they would be 'my dreams'. Does anyone remember how life like dreams felt like as a kid? You would cry, you would laugh, and you would throw your fist in triumph or kick the air in sheer desperation and all this when you are deep in sleep dreaming. You would wake up with a dream hangover for the better part of the morning. We would talk about it in school, think about it during boring history classes and even build up a story around it for our friends during recess. That used to be the life cycle of a dream. While growing up every book kept telling us to follow our dream and when we would try doing that, everyone around us would ask us to stop dreaming and get real. Today when I look back, I wonder what my life would have been if I had not paid heed to all the 'gyan' about growing up and getting real.
I was always the rebel (in family parlance - Black Sheep). How much ever I would try to do the right thing, I would always end up getting messed up. But every time I followed my heart, I came out on top. With the passage of time, I got around to believe that whatever my family wants for me is probably the best shot I have at life. Once you accept your fate, there is no more dilemma or constant internal tug of war. Life carried on and turned a wild rebellious child to a married woman, whose sole goal in life was to be the perfect wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, and mother. And I would be lying if I say that I was unhappy with that thought of being the wonder woman. I carried on with the faĂ§ade for a long time but there was something amiss. THAT WAS NOT ME.
My family mattered the most to me and it still does but then what I realized I can't disrespect them by making them my excuse for not following my dreams. Today they are my strength that has made me embark on this journey of exploring and living my dreams. Well as they say better late than never. It only fair that I give myself a chance to be the person I truly am. Make my own honest mistakes. I am what my dreams want me to be. I want "MY SHARE OF THE SKY". It filled me with hope and zeal to achieve the UNACHIEVABLE. It has given me strength to let go of a stable, secure job to pursue my true calling. After 33 years of a comfortable and structured life I finally realized what matters to me the most; it my dreams. Dream of being successful in my endeavors. I have taken my first step towards making one of my dreams, of being a part of a top global B-School, a reality.
"Ester asked why people are sad.
"That's simple," says the old man. "They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams."