'Finite element method and Material science' Engineering statement of purpose

hey everyone

I am an international student and am really stuck with my graduate admission essay:((!My major is structural engineering.this is what I have drafted so far.

Plz go through it and give me your valuable feedback!This following para will be my 2nd para in the essay as i have not thought about the intro yet:(((!!

My undergraduate study at XXXX university provided me a strong quantitative training through a broad array of courses like Fluid Mechanics, Surveying, Geotechnical Engineering and Structural Engineering. But I was particularly fascinated by topics such as Finite Element Method, Engineering Materials etc.delete them.

My strong inclination toward both Finite element method and Material science eventually led me to do my undergraduate thesis work entitled 'Numerical Simulation of Flexural Behavior of FRP strengthened RC beams with ABAQUS'. As a part of the project's literature review, I had to do a rigorous background study of composite materials. delete them.

I was thrilled to see how advanced composite materials are capable of pushing the frontiers of modern structural engineering by presenting new alternatives to the traditional building materials. To perform the numerical simulation I gained knowledge of finite element software ABAQUS. Furthermore in my last semester, I took an elective course on finite element method. This sentence can be changed into : which I gained from the course FEM.

All these significantly improved my understanding of the subject and further increased my interest in it. Delete.

But I was particularly fascinated by (insert adjective here) topics such as Finite Element Method and Engineering Materials. etc.

Your English seems excellent!

I wonder if you could write more specifically about what you discovered in your research. Who are some of the "heroes," the engineers whose work has influenced you the most? It might be nice to mention some ways you will apply your education as a professional. Can you make connections between when you are learning and current events in the world?

hey Kevin

thanks a lot!!!!!!! those were really helpful suggestions!!
u know I have all these ideas but I cant seem to make a connection between them...as in I thought I would write about my job experience and then how my ms is gonna help me as a professional and all that but I don't know how to make the transition if you know what I mean :S...

and moreover my grades r pretty poor..my class ranking was 60 out of 183 students...I am not sure if I should mention something about it.

well anyway thanks for your input...and i look forward to hearing back from u again!

so I pretty much delete everything??

I strongly disagree with the last responder. You should not delete almost all of your essay. Rather, you should add to it. I see some strong points in this essay. But I think I should wait to give you feedback until tomorrow when I'm not so tired. Can you tell me what the prompt is? That will help me help you. I will get back to you ASAP tomorrow.

I have read that the SOP is the best place to explain why you have got a low GPA or other weaknesses in your background. Therefore, I recommend you to tell its reason if it was not your fault and show a record that you have done good in the recent. For example, if you get better record in the last two years of your study or in some courses, try to bold them.

Jean253,

thanks a lot for your response.

Basically I want to do a masters in civil engineering, And my main point is structural retrofitting as a number of structures are deteriorating nowadays,so I want to do a research based study on the materials that can be used to repair existing structures or can even be used as new construction material.

Thanks and I hope that helps you to help me:D!

Masood_mj
well I thought I was gonna have one of my recommender explain poor grades in the lor. and to tell you the truth I seriously have no idea how to explain my grades myself.