There was no description given the application simply says "Career Goal Essay" for Sage College
This is what i have so far, it's my first draft. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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I believe the human body is a beautifully intricate machine that works perfectly when given the correct fuel. Humans are organic organisms designed to live naturally in the world. And in this world, one would never fuel an iPhone with a Blackberry charger, so why do so many fuel their own bodies with chemicals? I want to work alongside doctors and other health professionals to instill this message, educating people and helping to change lifestyles, preventing and overcoming diseases, creating a better world for some.
I entered Siena College as a Biology major four years ago knowing that I wanted to pursue a career that would allow me to help people. Throughout my years at Siena, the courses that interested me most were the ones dealing with the intricate systems of the human body, focusing on fuel utilization and the effects of exercise and the environment on the body. Human Anatomy and Physiology fascinated me, as did my professor. Dr. Goldman taught this class with a concentration on nutrition, including the effects of chemicals and the modern agricultural advances on physiological systems. Dr. Goldman frequently provided the class with numerous research papers about alternative medicine successes utilizing nutritional behaviors. This initially sparked my interest in the field of nutrition.
I went to Portugal for 6 weeks during in July-August of 2013 as a fellow of the Atlantis Project before starting my senior year at Siena. The Atlantis Project allowed me to shadow a doctor of my choice in a hospital setting. I began shadowing a gastroenterologist to learn more about the workings of the digestive system and its disorders. During my time there, I built a relationship with the gastroenterological team and witnessed a number of procedures dealing with issues such as acid reflux, celiac disease, ulcers, and cancer. I was given literature to read regarding nutrition and digestive diseases and was able to observe the treatment firsthand. This furthered my interest in the field of nutrition and as I returned to school for my senior year I was determined to pursue this career.
I began to research post-grad nutrition programs which lead me to Sage College. The Post-Baccalaureate program for Nutritional Science seems like the most lucrative option for my path. I am already familiar with the area of Troy, having attended Siena for four years. The specific program at Sage is superior to the rest that I researched in many ways. Sage partakes in an articulation agreement with Siena, so many of the courses I have taken will count as pre-requisites for the program. The DPD program at Sage also offers the best plan for attaining the proper requirements to become a Registered Dietician, including offering internship opportunities. When I attended the informational session at Sage, I felt the faculty truly cared about the students' progress, creating a supportive learning environment so I could do my best in the area of study I love. After attaining my license as a Registered Dietician I plan on continuing my education at Sage in the Nutrition Science Masters Program. I will be able to conduct research in this field as well as have the credentials to work in a hospital setting with experience in many other aspects of the nutritional world.
Impressive writing. I like the way you are presenting your career goals. Very creative as well as focused :)
Ok, after reading your full essay this is all I've got to comment;
It's written very well. Only, I wish you elaborated more on your career goals. You tend to talk more on your experience and knowledge in the field. Since this is about your career goals, I wish you align your writing a bit more with that.
Overall, very good job. Good luck!
