Studying management and mandarin
haha. Mandarin and Orient :]
I have learnt English and German early on, played violin, piano and years of guitar while devoting most of my energy to sports.
learned* Why list what you can do when you want to focus on sports?
the ascetic trainings and competitive spirit of competitions now transform into academic tenacity.
unless you incorporate the other activities into also influencing your academic tenacity.
Teaching young children and adults, I realized giving back to and empowering others is a fulfilling experience.
all that "fluff" about sports and all you learned was giving back? unless you mention more why those activities make you a better person to face your future program, lessen them? or just focus on a few. Great achievement though..
than my peers early on.
you use this technique earlier too. from childhood. maybe rephrase?
than choose to continue
then chose to continue*
During my first year as a BSc management major, I got involved in the world's third largest NGO and largest student organization, AIESEC. This opportunity led me to learn more about cultures, negotiating with partner companies and interact with foreigners while attending conferences in Belgium and managing events in Budapest.
tell more about this experience. sounds interesting and would maybe show how you are prepared for this field. less of the other stuff about schooling? though it does show your ability to cross borders/reach out
As a sophomore, I started my second BA degree majoring in East Asian studies, specializing in Chinese translation at the oldest university in the country. I chose Chinese due to my astuteness in languages and interest in one of the oldest civilizations. As my second eastern language I study Mongolian. While on scholarship at USC Marshall in Los Angeles the next year, I furthered my knowledge with global management courses and Chinese language. I also published articles at the USC China Institute and attended Chinese related events in LA.
more great achievements; however, less verbiage, more importance of these activities. even if you mention them later, describe their importance.
Professionally, I have worked since early high school years, instructing tennis in the summer.
professional tennis? all in one sentence? that's cool. though you could mention how tennis is a diplomatic sport. ahah. maybe a topic sentence for this paragraph that more structures the idea of professionalism.
The creative affairs department, where I worked was responsible for all movie music related issues, thus I got exposed to how the movie business deals with artist and album promotion and soundtrack selection.
My joint-internship with the Central Intelligence Agency has provided more international exposure, as I helped the agency recruit applicants and advertise the CIA around LA. I developed our communications platform and ads. Working for a governmental institutions
incomplete? but focus on this, it's again, more strengths that you can focus on for IR/ communications.
what is a sinophile?
Apart from sports, I consider my academic achievements my major accomplishment.
so you bounce back to sports. either need a transition or stronger topic sentence.
My international interest comprises my hobbies.
maybe this can be a topic sentence for a prior paragraph? it just sits here. not surrounded by much, and while it shows you, it seems awkward to place it there.
as I have experience and interest both in International Relations and Global Communications.
you say you do, but most of your essay is more personal. only the China company experience I can pinpoint as experience. i think there may have been more. haha. too much info for me to remember.
I consider international relations and cross cultural communications becoming more and more critical to world stability in the future.
rather weak ending in regards to all your accomplishments. LSE. london. that's cool. So much experience, so many things accomplished. I'm very impressed. maybe you should focus on the
too here. you only mention it a little. less about family, more about these two fields you want to pursue. Let's see what other people have to say.