I would like some honest feedback about this essay of mine that I am writing for a master's program in computer science.
Thank you for your time!
When growing up surrounded by electronics, my first interaction with a computer in 1996 involved accidentally throwing a CD player through the screen of a $1000 computer. The first (and non- destructive) official introduction to computer science was a high-school class on Java programming. With what I had learned, I had a naĂŻve sense of power and all too eagerly tried to reverse engineer complex programs using my small repertoire of integers, Booleans, and if-else statements. In college, I enjoyed talking about computer specs with the guys next door and pored over the latest gadget being showcased at the annual Consumer Electronic Show convention. This interest in all things technological wasn't prompted by any single event or from a moment of epiphany; it was something I nurtured for years in the back of my mind. Even though I was easily captivated by the newest Apple product or the latest features in Adobe Photoshop, I had often found myself wondering how my interests would help my future. How would knowing all the hidden hotkeys or which feature of the color select tool to use help me in my career as an engineer?
With time working alongside my peers, I realized that this willingness to play and tinker with new technology built my character. I've become more capable in finishing projects efficiently because of my ability to become proficient using tool functions, whether it is on the computer or not. I developed an intuition for analyzing the unfamiliar. I applied that skill not only in discovering the unknown, but I also took what I learned to improve anything I make. As a girl who spent summers with friends building toys using power tools and lumber, having the chance to make things with my set of metaphorical tools became pivotal in my decision to pursuing a computer science profession.
As I have found, learning biology often boiled down to memorizing facts of effects, and hands on experiences were confines to the rigid, commanding words of a lab manual. Lab student are never given enough freedom to experiment and plan alone when told to extract caffeine from tea bags. Computer science and engineering provided a hands-on aspect that lent a refreshing focus on creativity in problem solving. As I took more and more classes, everything I learned was relatable through projects that provided me with the creative liberty and opportunities to create. And as a future graduate student and engineer, I hope to apply and hone my ability to deconstruct, analyze, and apply through academics alongside peers or through research with faculty members.
During my time as a software tester at X Company, I was introduced to working in the industry in a way I had never encountered at school. At school, I was recruited into Dr. XYZ's ABC project by Dr. PQR to help sort and store the video game data of a 3-foot-tall robot, ABC . Albeit, I came into the project rather unfamiliar with either machine learning or AI, but I was able to implement feature vectors and k-nearest neighbor algorithm through lots of questions and self-learning. The nature of my role was similar to my role as a student in a university level class. As a tester, however, I was told to try and break what someone painstakingly made. Though simple in theory, I discovered the difficulty of the role in my many encounters during which my understanding of the computer software was not enough for me to creatively compromise it. In those frustrating moments, I understood the value of having advanced knowledge of computer science. It proves to be essential not only in the making a high level products, such as a robot, but also in making it robust. My job and research experience has provided me with an effective skill set, but I wish to augment it through academics and guidance for a future where I will be the one making the robot.
Luckily, my time studying biological science has contributed to a diversified mindset that has allowed me to excel in my computer science courses. Though at first, I was worried whether my biology background has mutated my ability to think as an engineer should. I realized, after being in numerous group projects, that my background can be useful in the successes of the projects. To my peers, my repertoire of biology information became new points of reference or a guide to tackling problems. Numerous data storage problems and optimization issues were solved with DNA plasmid models and site-directed mutagenesis technique that I learned in molecular biology and in Dr. ZYX's axon regeneration research lab. For the people I work with, this is what I bring: new perspective and fresh ideas to a field that emphasizes so much on the up-and-coming. I believe that it would be a shame to throw away the years of biology learnt. But in order to utilize my accumulated knowledge effectively, I will need more advanced knowledge of computer science. While learning inside the classroom though, I want to contribute my diverse background to the entering class by encouraging peers to use tools found outside of their immediate fields of study and truly think outside the box.
My goal is simple: I want to study and earn a degree that will give me the knowledge to work in an industry setting. My computer science minor has given me a good foundation in the field of computer science so far. However, I don't suspect such limited knowledge will empower me to truly contribute to a team in a work setting. For this reason, I hope to enroll in the masters program at __________. The __________ of the curriculum is what interests me the most and will provide me the level and quality of education I seek to widen the scope of my knowledge and skills. I'm sure that under the excellent tutelage that _______ prides itself with, I will be able to graduate with a stronger set of tools and numerous opportunities to play with them.
On my opinion, the essay could be better.
It is very long. The sentences are long, the text is long. By quickly skimming through the text, I didn't catch the point I consider main: "Why you want to join the program?"
I mean, yes you liked computers all your life and want to join a computer department. Just like everyone else. Just like the expected reader many years ago.
By quickly looking through the text, I get that you had a CS minor, Bio major, worked as a tester.
Also, I would like to know more of what you expect from the master's program. What you expect to do|study.
