"perseverance and motivation" - SOP in Industrial Engineering for review

Here is my Statement of Purpose. Please take a look, tell me what you think and thanks!

Primarily, explain:
- your purpose for starting or continuing graduate study,
- why you want to study at xxxx University,
- your professional plans, your career goals, and your research interests, and
- any experience that is particularly applicable to the program for which you're applying.
Purpose of Graduate Study, xxxxx University, Career Goals
My purpose for pursuing graduate study (Masters of Engineering Degree in Industrial Engineering) primarily comes from wanting to make a career transition from my current Information Technology consulting and programming career back to my prior work in Operations Research/Industrial Engineering. My objectives are threefold:

1. This graduate study would aid in refocusing my career from the information systems roles (programmer/systems analyst) I've most recently had, to one in industrial engineering/operations research. Positions that interest me include research engineer and operations research analyst.

2. I would like to advance my undergraduate/graduate training in Industrial Engineering/Decision Systems particularly in the areas of applied operations research and applied statistics.

3. I would potentially like to perform research (through converting to the on campus thesis option) in these areas (2.).
In exploring educational opportunities I was excited to learn about the distance engineering program at xxxxx. Having two degrees from to very good universities (xxxx, xxxx) I did not want to compromise the quality of my graduate studies. The Master of Engineering program at xxxxx would afford me the opportunity to pursue graduate work on a part time basis (while still keeping my day job) at a very well regarded engineering college. I also like the fact that the requirements of the program are flexible enough to let me concentrate my studies in areas of operations research and applied statistics while still satisfying the Master's degree requirements. Lastly, the potential opportunity to, convert to the on-campus thesis option makes the program attractive.

Potential Research Interests
My general research interests are in the application of Operations Research and Statistical techniques in such areas as transportation, supply chain, marketing analytics, and healthcare.

In the healthcare realm, discrete event simulation along with queuing theory could be used to understand surges in hospital operations such as emergency rooms. How can we apply advances in routing algorithms to the analysis of large-scale transportation issues?

Events in my daily life have also piqued my interest in these areas (and my interest in wanting to make a career shift), specifically transportation. In my daily commuter train ride to Boston from New Hampshire, the Amtrak "Downeaster" had been delayed one morning due to bad winter weather. What where the implications of this backup? Certainly customer satisfaction and, scheduling, as well as profitability where affected. There is a domino effect in that other train systems (MBTA) that share the rails with Amtrak became delayed. I thought to myself, how could OR methodologies be used to predict, and avoid these delays thus increasing efficiency and profitability for Amtrak as well other effected train systems? What other studies have been done in this area and how can we expand upon these?

.

Relevant Prior Experience

Besides my current programming and systems analysis experience, I had worked in the applied operations research area earlier in my career.

After getting my undergraduate degree in IE/OR at xxxxxx University, I was a Technical Analyst in the area of Applied Operations Research and Information systems at the Volpe National Transportation research center in Cambridge, MA. I studied inventory, informational and operational problems at the main FAA Depot in Oklahoma City. I also helped in performing a cost/benefit analysis to justify a computerized scheduling system (TRAMS). In addition to this experience, upon completing my MBA studies at xxxxx University, I worked on a project as an Operations Research Analyst at the National Marine Fisheries Service (NOAA) in Woods Hole, MA. There, I used Expert Choice decision analysis software and linear programming to make better budget allocation decisions in the research and planning division at the center.

Secondarily, elaborate on:
- any irregularities or special circumstances applicable to your application,
- your special abilities, awards, achievements, scholarly publications, and professional history as it relates to the program of interest, and
- any prior research information, or contact with specific xxxx program faculty

Honors, Achievements and Special Abilities Related to program:

While an undergraduate IE/OR major at the University ofxxx, my capstone project group paper was chosen out of many to represent the IEOR department, and to be presented (by me and another colleague) at the Institute of Industrial Engineers Northeast Regional Technical Paper Contest. The paper was titled "A Production Planning and Control System for the AMPAD Corporation". It won an Honorable Mention. I also attained Dean's List (3.5 GPA) for 2 semesters in the IE/OR program.

In graduate school (xxxx Univ.) while pursuing my MBA in applied operations research and information systems I was awarded a Graduate Teaching Fellowship in the Management Science Department. My many duties included or research, teaching, and evaluating management science software for the department.

My one most special ability is a tremendous perseverance and motivation; I never give up in seeking my goals. Besides this, my great technical ability is enhanced by business acumen, and an ability to communicate with non-technical people. This is a rare combination indeed, one which I believe would make most valuable in the Master of Engineering program at xxxx University.

Hey, this is beautifully written...

I'm not sure what this part means, but I think it has an unnecessary comma:
Lastly, the potential opportunity to, convert to the on-campus thesis option makes the program attractive.
I think that second comma is unnecessary.


It would be very good to cite or mention some recent research, very recent research. That would make this stronger, because it would highlight the way you are already keeping up with advancements in the field, reading journal articles, etc.

tremendous perseverance and motivation; I never give up in seeking my goals.---This is sort of a cliche. It will be much better if you emphasize a specialization that fascinates you, or some other niche interest, and express your tenacity in that pursuit. Let the reader associate you with your niche.

Choose a niche! :-) i.e. specialization
You can go a step further than listing general interests. You can share your unique idea, your unique concept or way of thinking about the field. Burn a hole in the reader's brain. :-)

Kevin, thanks for the help. I'm glad you liked my Statement Of Purpose. It's encouraging .

I am applying to a distance engineering program(online course presentation), so that is what I mean by "convert to the on-campus thesis option".

I will revise, and can I post the revision again?

Mike

Yep, post the revision. Also, when you help other essayists it is good to ask them to come visit this thread. Link them to it. That way you get a diverse assortment of ideas...

:-)

I look forward to seeing your revision!

Thanks Kevin. I am working on my revision. :)

Hi Kevin,

Need some help with one of some of your suggestions:

tremendous perseverance and motivation; I never give up in seeking my goals.---This is sort of a cliche. It will be much better if you emphasize a specialization that fascinates you, or some other niche interest, and express your tenacity in that pursuit. Let the reader associate you with your niche.

Perhaps I could talk about my programming career and how I worked myself up to senior analyst from a support tech role and the perseverance it too.?

Choose a niche! :-) i.e. specialization
You can go a step further than listing general interests. You can share your unique idea, your unique concept or way of thinking about the field. Burn a hole in the reader's brain. :-)

I believe you are talking about expanding general research interests under "Potential Research Interests", that is my personal take/insight on Ops Research and Stats?

Yes, it's always good to use an example instead of making an unsubstantiated claim. But in addition to that, how about an interesting concept? Where does the perseverance come from? Can you explain your relationship to programming in a way that will make the reader think of something she may have never considered? That is the key. Interest the reader with your unique concept.


Yeah, you might have other parts of the application that cover specialized interests, etc., so try not to be redundant. The point I wanted to make was that you can show that instead of having GENERAL interests you have sophisticated, well-developed interests. That shows that you are different from the average student.

Some good ideas Kevin...thanks again.

My research interests are not that sophisticated or well-developed yet. Perhaps after entering the MS program they will be.

My revision is posted above with some of your ideas. Appreciate take a look. I am going to help some other people here with my thoughts.

Mike

Hi Mike, well you know the saying: "Presentation is everything."
It's good that in your own perception your ideas are not yet well-developed. A serious scholar might always feel that way despite going deep into the study of various topics. But you can PRESENT yourself to this person (whose job is to accept of reject you) in a way that makes her say to herself, "Wow, I am surprised at how sophisticated and well-developed his interests are! He must spend a lot of time reading... I could not possibly reject this student."

Purpose of Graduate Study, xxxxx University, Career Goals---I think this section is awesome. I would get rid of that word "primarily," because it is like the kid that always tries to be the best at everything, and he jumps into situations where he does not belong, ruining sentences.

My general research interests are in the application of Operations Research and Statistical techniques in such areas as transportation, supply chain, marketing analytics, and healthcare. (Add a sentence here to make this list meaningful. What is the connecting link, the theme, the way they reflect what you are all about in the mind of the reader?)

In the healthcare realm, discrete event...

Those are just some small ideas... it is already so good!

One grammar correction I did not see before:
I had have worked in the applied operations research area earlier in my career.---Had is not correct here.

And yes, please do give other people your ideas whenever you have time! They can learn a lot from you. Most writers at EssayForum are not strong communicators like you...

Hey Kevin, thanks for all the great help! I'm glad you like my writing.
I have already answered a few threads and will help out on some more.
It's fun and good to help somebody.

Mike

Awesome, thanks Mike!