Please help me to review my Statement of Purpose.
chemical engineering is right career path for me
I became fascinated by mathematical proofs when I participated in the International Mathematics Olympiad in high school. The process of starting from a set of axioms and deriving almost any mathematical truth is what set mathematics apart for me. The application of these concepts in physics, chemistry and economics endeared me to these subjects as well. Apart from the fact that chemical engineering offered a career pathway for me to actively participate in proffering solutions to the energy crisis in Nigeria, the fine blend of these subject matters in chemical engineering was my major motivation for choosing it as a major.
Just as I expected, the concepts I learned in thermodynamics, transport phenomena and reaction engineering were developed from a clearly defined set of assumptions (my mathematical axioms) at a microscopic scale, some were even defined at the molecular level, before being developed into the macroscopic scale. I was fascinated that the large reactors I had seen in refineries all started from a set of assumptions that were made at the microscopic level before being integrated into a macro structure. Little wonder I did so well in my courses and graduated as the best student in the school.
In my third year, my mathematical prowess earned me a spot in the summer programming camp even though I had no prior programming experience. In the camp, I was introduced to java in addition to learning different dynamic programming and graph theory algorithms. The allure of seeing a seemingly complex problem being reduced into a graph structure and the corresponding algorithm applied to solve it was simply captivating. Using my newly acquired knowledge, I developed several programs to solve chemical engineering problems and cross validated my programs' solutions with results obtained from well-established simulation packages like HYSYS and MATHCAD. This improved my overall knowledge of these simulations packages as well.
I am always enthralled by the possibility of using my knowledge of chemical engineering to design new products while simultaneously proffering solutions to other problems. Growing up in a small town in Benue state in Nigeria, firewood was the cooking fuel I knew. The large scale environmental and health impacts of the use of firewood are well documented. Chemical engineering afforded me the opportunity to lead a design project team that offered practical solutions to this problem by developing an alternative cleaner cooking fuel- wood pellet fuel. Sawdust from wood mills, which were otherwise low value products and large contributors to environmental waste, were transformed into higher value and more environmentally friendly fuels.
In order to gain a better understanding of the energy industry, I took a professional masters degree in petroleum engineering and project development. Upon completion, I joined XXX Oil Refining Company, a $16 billion greenfield refinery project as a process engineer. I carry out simulations of columns, flare network, heat exchanger ratings and pipeline modelling using simulation packages like HYSYS, FLarenet and HTRI. In addition, I carryout hydraulic calculations to ensure that the pumps, lines, process safety valves and control valves will perform safely and optimally at the design conditions. I actively participated in the HAZOP study and 3D Model Review for the Mild Hydrocracker (MHC) unit identifying hazards and suggesting mitigating strategies. In order to determine the integrity level of the safety instrumented systems, I participated in the Level Of Protection Analysis (LOPA) SIL study for the MHC unit.
I recently proposed a process flow modification of the Diesel Hydrotreating Unit to include a Hydro-finisher, with the intention of ensuring that product specifications are met in the most energy-efficient and cost-efficient way possible. While I successfully carried out this modification, it triggered questions like how do I integrate the proposed design into the overall refinery design, how do I manage the associated risks in the design or even determine the best control strategy? It is in an effort to answer these questions that seek further studies in order to hone my skills in the area of process design, operations, simulation and optimization.
I look forward to taking course 10.551 taught by Professor Braatz to whet my skills in problem formulation and system synthesis. The MSCEP program at XXX offers a unique opportunity of hands-on experience in the practice school. I am excited about the prospect of working with an amazing team of talented colleagues to take on the rigours and challenges of practice school. The challenging industrial problems in the practice school will provide me additional industrial exposure, varied technical challenges, extensive communication skills, and high potential for professional advancement. I believe my educational and professional background puts me in a great stead in comprehending the different concepts that will be discussed in class and the tasks at the practice school.
Upon graduation, I intend to work in industry to deploy my skills in designing efficient and marketable economic products. I look forward to extensive discussions with senior colleagues in the school in discussing pathways to help nurture the next generation of chemical engineers as I plan to return to the academia in helping with that process.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
Emmanuel, your first 3 paragraphs are irrelevant to the Statement of Purpose. The reviewer has no desire nor interest in learning about your high school education. His interest in your education lies only in your related college degree and ongoing education in terms of theoretical and practical training through seminars or training programs you have completed. These are the educational undertakings that will prove that you have the proper educational foundation and training that can help you to succeed as an masters student in this field. Therefore, you can start the revised essay with paragraph 4 instead. Make sure to insert your college background immediately after that paragraph. That way you create a linking paragraph between your college training and the first masters degree that you completed. From there, try to discuss how your professional participation has helped you realize that you require a secondary masters degree. What difficulties in your profession to you hope to overcome using this second masters? Why do you think it will be extremely helpful in your profession to have this secondary masters degree? Reverse the position of the sentences in the last paragraph. Discuss your interaction with your classmates first then develop that statement in relation to a specific 5 year career plan.
Thanks alot Holt. I appreciate your valuable contributions.
I guess I didn't express it clearly, the 2nd and 3rd paragraph are about the courses and other activities in my undergraduate. I wanted to highlight why the courses were interesting not just state that I did them. I will incorporate your recommendations.
I thought I have answered the question of how my professional participation has helped me realized that I require a secondary masters degree as well as what I hope to achieve.
Thanks for pointing the last paragraph out. I will work on making it more specific.
Thanks for your feedback