In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Agree
More and more people decide to take the evil path and steal or commit murders in order to feed their family. Written in the daily newspaper or presented on the TV news, these cruel acts have more complex reasons. I believe that the causes of crime should be attacked instead of putting people into prison. 55
To begin with, people are able to do whatever it takes when their own survival is threatened. This can be seen in slums, where the quality of life is extremely low: people live in poverty and food is usually a delicacy. To deal with their lack of money and food, people are pushed towards smuggling and shoplifting. For example, in London there are many beggars who, besides asking for people's mercy, also use tricky means to empty their pockets. Shoplifters also use shotguns to intimidate the stuff and murders are committed if things go wrong.94
Other arguments in favor of dealing with the causes of crime are the job opportunities that one gains after he graduates from school. Nowadays, if a teenager has no skills or knowledge, he does not meet the requirements for a job. Youngsters that do not have access to education are limited and are determined to earn their money using illegal means. This brings us back to smuggling and shoplifting. 69
All these being considered, dealing with the causes of crime would lower the crime rate and would also improve the individual's life. I believe that once the number of people living in poverty decreases, the number of crimes will also go down.42
Your essay is very good. However, you should improve your grammar and vocabulary. As I know, writing in IELTS task 2 requires a formal writing style, so you should try to use more formal words. For example: go down = decrease, decline (formal).
y0_3mma
Nowadays, many people decide to take the evil paths such as stealing or committing crimes in order to feed their family.
Good editing by Scientiana :)
people live in poverty andfood is usually a delicacy
... Well... certain foods are delicacies :D
...your idea has not come out the proper way.... I think this is what your idea is;
;people live in poverty and need to struggle hard just to have their basic meals.Overall, good essay.... meaningful ideas and a good structure!
Good Luck!
yes dumi, that's what i wanted to say, but I ended up talking about delicacies.
thank you, i appreciate all your comments.
