Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Technology vs Traditional Cultures [4]

comments: Your first paragraph sounds like you are giving your opinion. That should be your final paragraph. What is the main point you are trying to make? for your last sentence in that first paragraph.

Writing Feedback / 'just a typical teenager' - Creative writing Who am i? essay [5]

The obvious answer to this question is that I am a senior in high school. But this doesn't define who I am in person, the answer to the question cannot be found in a person birth certificate, his/her religion or his diploma, but it is found in a person heart and soul of a person

I am just a typical teenager, who loves the technology and fun? our world has adapted in the 21st century. I was born in India, Bombay in a Muslim family, just five pounds, always crying and ready to take pictures. I grew up in a normal sized house with a mother, father, and one siblingsisterit's up to you if you want to use sibling or sister. I notice that you say so I put that in.. My parents got divorced when I was in third grade, it was a big step for my mom, but I was glad my mom was freed from a tormented life. Even though I've been through tough times, I managed to have a pretty normal life, my mom took care of us in any way possible, and she gave up her life dreams to pursue ours.

My grandparents were open minded people who believed in offering my mom a chance to pick her future, however living in India limited my mother's choices. The society and its traditions were always in the way. My grandparents set my mother on a path that would lead us to America, seeking a better future for her and for me and my sistermy sister and I , but leaving everything familiar and known behind was hard.

Moving to America, Florida was like paradise on earth; I loved the moment in my life, but we had to move again, my mom faced the same economic difficulties the rest of the country was facing. My mom had to make choices once again, as bad economy caught up to us. We had to move once again, this time to Boston, Massachusetts. Once again I had to leave all my friends and family behind, my favorite places, foods. At first I didn't like Boston, at all but, if you lose something you gain a lot. That's what exactly happened when I moved to Boston.

My mom could practice the ancient art she inherited from her mother and learn't from beauty schools, she now works in a salon which she always wanted to do, when she was young. In all the tragedy in my life, I got involved in various arts from India, I never liked before heena tattooing, threading, cooking Indian food and of course taking pictures my favorite hobby. I also started doing a little karate, then dancing classes. And my favorite pass time was teasing my sister, and dominating her.

I have also leantlearn setting your life goals are easy but to accomplish them is very hard, Accordingare you starting another sentence here? to me your life leads you to the path where your fate takes you, not where you want to be. My goals in life were to become famous and rich but now they are different my thinking is different. I want to become a daughter, where my mom can proudly say, "She is my daughter."

I can never keep my mind set on what I want to be, first I wanted to be cosmetologist like my mom, and then that changed to teacher, makeup artist, Pharmacist. I may never know where I might end up. But where ever we end up it should be where we want to be, and are happy with our decision.

Whenever I sit back and think what if I were born in a different family, would I be more happier than now, I always get the same answer; No, never I am very blessed to have a mom who loves me so much, and supports me in any decision I make. This gives me the courage strives to accomplish my goal even if it means that I will have to face more changes and adaptations to new places and new people.

Comments: I see quite a few run on sentences. I left my comments in ilalic in your essay.

Writing Feedback / "never thought college was important at all" - Cause and Effect [4]

Comments: So far, it's ok. I think you should expend more on your essay. It's a bit short but if it's ok with your professor, it's fine. I think you should write a good first sentence to grab the viewers attention (drawn to your essay). That first sentence didn't really grab my attention. You can write something like on why you didn't think college was important before but now it is and want a better future. How will college help you make new friends and new things? Don't forget to create a title for your essay. I left some comments in your essay, it's in italic.

Research Papers / Writing an Annotated Bibliography using 3 articles in APA format/style [6]

i was wondering, do i need to cite the article for these sentence, "Lowering the size of information gathered from the senses that is shown in the task where the participants use their hand and place over the "Bassin Anticipation Timer", with "16 red light-emitting diodes (LED)"."?

Research Papers / Writing an Annotated Bibliography using 3 articles in APA format/style [6]

could someone proofread it? it's in apa format.

Lane, C., Fischman, M., Hart, M., & Reeve, T. (2000). Manipulations of sensory information: A test of the hypothesis of redundancy of knowledge of results. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 91(3, Pt 2), 1106-1112. doi:10.2466/PMS.91.7.1106-1112.

This article is about lowering the size of information gathered from the senses that is shown in the task. The study presents if the size of information gathered from the senses is reduced and see if it would increase the understanding of the outcomes. The authors used an expected task that which shows the participant an average of 12 lights for a variable period of time. Then the participants were tested by having them recall the information at a later time. The conclusion is that it doesn't matter whether there is a varied or not size of information gathered from the senses because the performance of the task was good as long as the understanding of the outcomes is there. I would use these article to show that the participants learn better by having the results in front of them.

Moreno, R., & Mayer, R. (2002). Verbal redundancy in multimedia learning: When reading helps listening. Journal of Educational Psychology, 94(1), 156-163. doi:10.1037/0022- 0663.94.1.156.
This article discusses whether or not words on the screen would help in the learning environment when explaining. The studies use only speaking and/or speaking and shown words on screen. The authors did three experiments where each experiment had two images to compare or images with voices in order to see if the participants could retain more of the information. The conclusion is that speaking and/or speaking and showing the words on screen better help with understanding the material. I would use these article to show that the participants are able to retain information that is shown on the screen.

Schmidt-Weigand, F., Kohnert, A., & Glowalla, U. (2010). A closer look at split visual attention in system- and self-paced instruction in multimedia learning. Learning and Instruction, 20(2), 100-110. doi:10.1016/j.learninstruc.2009.02.011.

This article is about whether or not the material can be learned from writings or pictures. The study shows that when the participants watch the words on screen with spoken words, there was spent longer time looking at it then just reading the words on screen. The authors did two experiments wherein each experiment had either shown a video with varying speeds or the speed the participants wanted. When the participants viewed the video on fast or slow speed, it has shown that they keep an eye on the images whereas when viewing the video at their own pace it was shown that they took longer times reading. The conclusion is that words on screen with spoken words follows the writings that are on the screen. I would use these article to show that the participants pays more attention to what's on the screen then what is written.

That learning does not happen based on speed, but how they study or are presented learning materials. Showing materials on the screen helps the participants understand the material better since it's more interesting then just reading written words. When the participants are shown words and images on the screen, they can better grasp the concept faster rather then just listening to the speaker talking and figuring out how to spell unknown words.

Essays / "250 - 300 word essay on plagiarism in apa format/style" - starting the essay [8]

sorry for the double post since i don't see an edit button.
i email my professor and she told me that there is no need for an abstract page.
also, she says that there's no need to write a title page.
my question is on the top of the page, do i have to include title of my essay on the left side ( if so, does it need to have the words running head: title of essay or just the title of essay) and on the right side the page number? how should i should i set up the top with my name and stuff?

something like this for the (top of) first page
running head: PLAGIARISM IS NEVER A GOOD THING page number

Name
Date
Professor
University

Plagiarism is Never a Good Thing

blah blah blah (essay goes here)

Essays / "250 - 300 word essay on plagiarism in apa format/style" - starting the essay [8]

i am finish with my essay. not even sure if i did it correctly though. i am really worry if i did the apa format/style correctly and follow the assignment. please let me know if i did the apa format/style correctly. (i hope my professor don't read this. this assignment is due on this friday, jan. 29, 2010) this has to be in apa format/style. the title of the essay is in bold.

Plagiarism is Never a Good Thing
Plagiarism is using work that don't belong to you and passing it as your own without citing the source. Depending on where you live, using someone's work without citing could get you in trouble. For example, in USA schools, if a student plagiarize his/her paper, than the student will be reported and would receive a fail for the course and will be in his/her academic records. In order to avoid been accuse of plagiarizing, we learn to properly cite sources in documents and making a reference page.

The only time we don't need to cite sources is when we use something that is common knowledge, for example you can find the same information or phrase from the internet, television, movies, or excetra. Also, we don't need to cited sources if we use our own created images or notes. To properly cite our sources depends on what sources you use. When quoting from a source for written work, you start a beginning sentence that would lead into a quote that you plan to use in quotation marks. Always make sure that when you summarize or paraphrase a publish work to give a proper sentence that would include the source to avoid been accuse of plagiarizing.

Properly citing sources not only help avoid been accuse of stealing someone else's work but make our written work more reliable. A safe practice went typing up your work on a public computer is to never leave a copy of it on the computer and have prove that the paper written is yours incase anything happens. Never submit the same paper to another professor. Always check your work to make sure that everything is correct by having proper citations and reference page.

References: essayscam.org/truth-plagiarism-detection-tools/

Essays / "250 - 300 word essay on plagiarism in apa format/style" - starting the essay [8]

english has always been very hard for me. this apa format is a little confusing for me. i have already read up on what it is and still don't get it. i read on some sites that there has to be an abstruct page and on some other sites to use it only when it is applicable. do i have to write an abstruct page or just go directly into the main body or write both the abstruct page and main body?

Letters / Letter to Financial Aid Office - FAFSA and CSS [8]

haha, that's pretty funny. i have never seen that question ever on any application. if that's the only choice and it don't apply to you, leave it blank. don't bother answering that question and just move on to the next one.

Essays / "250 - 300 word essay on plagiarism in apa format/style" - starting the essay [8]

i'm not done with this essay. i was wondering if this is a good start (it's been awhile since i have written anything.) this essay has to be in apa format.

Plagiarism is using work that don't belong to you and passing it as your own without citing the source. Depending on where you live, using someone's work without citing could get you in trouble. For example, in USA schools, if a student plagiarize his/her paper, than the student will be reported and would receive a fail for the course and will be in his/her academic records. In order to avoid been accuse of plagiarizing, we learn to properly cite sources in documents and making a reference page.

Writing Feedback / My grandfather - Essay for school. [8]

My grandfather was born in 1939 on Hainan I sland, China (places need to be capitalize) . He grew up in poor family, in which he had an elder sister and younger brother. After he finished primary school, the CPC vs KMT Chinese Civil War was happening and the Japanese had occupied some of parts China. (i am not really sure what you mean here.)

comments: this is a good essay and really talks about your grandfather's life. i could tell that you appreciate your grandfather. i am sorry for your loss. wish your family and you the best. i put in my comments in your essay. good luck.

Essays / "Write about your last big writing assignment." -Trouble finding answer to topic [5]

you can write about how was your winter vacation?, what is your opinion on your country's election? (i remember this from my political science class back in high school), what do you plan on doing after school is over?, what have you learn from working?

Student Talk / What is ielts writing? I am confused. [27]

the best way to improve on your writing is practice, practice, practice.
in my experience, i used to read books and write a summary about the book(s) to help me with my writing skills.