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Posts by Jd87rh
Joined: Nov 14, 2009
Last Post: Apr 14, 2011
Threads: 11
Posts: 49  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 60 / page 2 of 2
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Jd87rh   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - My best friend's grandma [19]

well, please update us all and tell us how your application goes.

I think your essay is definitely great, and if they don't like it, they're fouls.

I wish you all the luck!

P.S. I'd also really appreciate if you read my essay for brooklyn college.
I'd really appreciate it!
Jd87rh   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "Characteristics of a doctor" Brooklyn B.A.-M.D. Program Essay [5]

In my essay I have to answer the following three questions. It can be 4 pages when double spaced, as of right now it is only 3 pages.

- What characteristics and capabilities do you have that would contribute to making you a doctor who is concerned with caring for patients as well as with curing them?

- What have you learned from some of the extracurricular activities that you listed above or from other experiences about the role, career, and life of a doctor?

- How have your experiences influenced your decision to pursue a medical career?


I have never experienced a deep regret; I have never felt that a failure was too big to overcome. If ever there were something to regret, that would be not following my dreams. From a young age, I saw how hard life was for my parents. They were unable to realize their dreams because of economic and personal reasons. It's not that my parents weren't happy, but they could have been much happier if they had been able to pursue their dreams. My mom always tells me to do what I needed to do to accomplish my goals and follow my dreams. My dream is to be a doctor, to save lives, to help people, to help my community, and to help my country.

My interest in becoming a doctor has a lot to do with my parents struggle. They never went to college, and because of that they have suffered a lot of hardship. They inspire me to better myself. After coming to American my mom faced many problems. She didn't speak English and couldn't find a good job. However, she never quit, because as a child she had it much worse. She has taught me that life can feel like a series of challenges, they may seem impossible to overcome, but in fact, they are the easiest to conquer. From my own experiences, I have realized that a single person can help you to overcome these obstacles. I want to be that person, and I hope to influence those around me, I know that as a doctor, I will affect many lives, hopefully in a positive way, and this makes me want to do this even more.

I believe that I have qualities that would make me a great doctor, beside the fact that I love science and love to learn new things every day. My pediatrician, Dr. Marcantonio, embodies what I believe to be the ideal pediatrician. She is empathic, respectful, honest, kind, an excellent listener and very intelligent. Those are traits, which I find to be necessary for a doctor to care and cure their patients. It is important to be able to listen to your patients so that you can fully understand the situation and be able to help knowing that you have the whole story. It is also important to be honest and respectful, so that your patients can feel safe with you and confide in your decision. My family has taught me many things; among those are respect, patience, honesty, modesty, and generosity. I hope that these traits will allow me to be a fine doctor.

I have seen many people suffer without hope for a cure. Many of them I've seen in the Dominican Republic. When people get sick they must pay for everything themselves and most of them can't afford the proper healthcare. What I want to do in the future is to help these people who cannot afford it. Quality health care is hard to come by in many countries, it is an idea I've had in my mind since I was very young and everyday it grows stronger.

Do you think I've answered all the questions? Any thoughts on it would be very very helpful.
In return I'll read ur esay. just post a link along with your comment
Jd87rh   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - My best friend's grandma [19]

" How am I going to get through this?," I thought to myself anxiously to myself. For about a month in the summer, I would have to take care of and supervise sickly Li Hua during the weekdays.

At first, I wasn't sure how to communicate effectively with her because of the daunting language barrier.

Thus, a person who seemed so foreign to me at first slowly became very relatable.

I grew patience for with Li Hua's deliberate movements and halting requests, and consequently, for everyone around me. Without realizing it, I had become more calm and tolerant in my attitude towards others - all because of oneold lady who reached out to me with her heart and her trust.

In just four short summer a few weeks, I had learned more than I had ever expected to about my own character. I found that cultural divides differences are definitely not unyielding - and was proud when I was able to show that yes, I could truly understand a heart without understanding the words. With my newfound maturity, I will continue on in college and life as someone who is receptive to others' needs and who is unafraid to connect with all types of people. Although Li Hua passed away just recently, I will take every instance of joy, care, and wisdom we exchanged to better the lives of everyone that I encounter.

it's very good. i like the improvements you've made!
Jd87rh   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - My best friend's grandma [19]

i think that last paragraph can be your conclusion,. i think it's very good.

I actually wanted to read it, your first paragraph drew me in.

I don't see anything beside a few sentence that could be changed (if you wanted to)

it's really nice!

Good luck!
Jd87rh   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Mom-"things were different when I was your age"; Person with significant influence [5]

Question:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Throughout my entire life my mom used the same expression to get me to do work: "Las cosas eran distintas cuando yo tenia tu edad". It means "things were different when I was your age," something that always stayed in the back of my mind when I was in school. These words had no meaning to me in my childhood; I always thought she was nagging; yet in reality she was teaching me a vital lesson. When I learned of my family's childhood, I realized how much harder it was for them. That even getting an education was almost impossible. I knew I would have to take everything given to me and make the best of it.

It came as a surprise when my parents decided to visit our family in the Dominican Republic, because we did not have the money. I had not seen many of them since I was a young child, too little to remember their faces or names. Once the tickets where bought, it was as if every family story flew of the shadowy closet that my mom kept safe and sound in her memory. As she told me about her childhood and father, I began to dread the idea that my grandfather would not like me, or that I would not like him. I had heard of his personality through my mother. He was strong, tough, and very traditional. He demanded respect and gave severe punishments to those that did not give it. He loved, but seldom showed it. I was not confident. The days were whizzing by and I would be flying miles to see a family I hadn't seen in years, to meet my grandfather for the first time.

As the plane landed, my stomach filled with tiny ants. My mom was crying and I could not help but feel that twine of light flowing from her heart over us. We were here, finally. I searched, hoping that I would somehow recognize someone, but to no gain. Every face was the face of a stranger; I stuck close to my mom as we walked across the exit. We were all nervous. Then a large group began to shout our way, my mom turned and screeched and then everyone was hugging each other. It was strange and scary and it lasted an hour.

For the weeks that followed, I got to know my entire family, especially my grandfather. My first day helping him on the farm, I had to help him de-feather a chicken. I was scared; I thought somehow the dead chickens would feel the pain or that the chicken's family would come get revenge on me. When I whispered my little secret my grandfather laughed, a wholesome laugh and with a pat on the back told me I was the silliest rabbit he'd ever met. Then he smiled, and showed me how it was done, my first try, I pulled and screamed at the same time. Now some may say that it wasn't an acceptable way to get some quality time with your granddaughter, but I think I learned a lot that day. I helped herd the goats, walk the pig, and feed the baby pigs. I was aching all over by the end, but I learned to let go of my fears. Until then I would run away from goats, scream if a pig got near me, but after one day plucking chickens and such, the fear was gone.

Since that summer, I've visited my family many times and seen my grandfather whenever I can. Ever summer I spend with him and my family I learn more about myself. I learned that I am much more patient than I thought; that I love to experiment and to take risks and adventures. My second summer with my grandfather, I learned of a giant hill somewhere behind his home, and I grabbed a water bottle and camera and headed off, only to discover a giant aqueduct-type system at the top of the hill. It cleaned water, and sent it off to reserves where it would be stored or sent of homes. The water did not come to my grandfather's home, because he lived and still lives in a small wooden hand made house. He built it from the ground up, chopping the wood himself, building the roof. That was more than 30 years ago, and he is still continues to fix it up to this day. He worked hard his whole life, as a farmer. Even at the age of sixty-three, he wakes up before the sun rises, and takes care of his home, farm and family. He's taught me dedication, hard work and perseverance.

I remember him as a quiet old man who told stories of his past. One story I will never forget. When my mom and her siblings where younger, they were extremely poor. When school began, my grandfather bought a pencil and notebook, which he then broke in half. My mom would always get angry because the younger kids would always get the side of the pencil with the eraser. He told me how they would write very small so that the books would last longer and sometimes he couldn't get them more supplies once they ran out.

Meeting my family was one of the greatest things ever to happen to me. My grandfather showed me what my family went through as children. They were poor and lived day-by-day, working and going to school. Sometimes they would not eat because there was not enough for everyone. He worked hard his entire life, looking over more then thirteen kids at one point. His responsibility, determination, and devotion have greatly influenced my person.

After that, I decided that if my parents could overcome the great poverty in which they grew up I could do the same and more. I could follow my dreams. Nothing and no one could stop me. I am intelligent and I have a family that loves me and will support me through it all. There was no doubt left in my mind, I wanted to do what my parents could not do. I wanted to go to college; I wanted to have a future for myself, one that would make me proud. Here was the lesson that my mom had tried to teach me for years: I am someone.
Jd87rh   
Nov 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "I was born to a family of immigrants" - Editing Help for my admissions essay. [3]

good luck, and if you need anyone to read your essay or help you brain storm ideas. I'd be happy to help.

What i did for mine was think about events in my life that have changed the way a view something.

And if you cant think of anything that changed you.
just think of something you've done that should have changed you and go from there

Or many talk about a person who changed you, or your favorite hobbies.

there is alot you can write
Jd87rh   
Nov 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Go-go the suprising culture- UVA supplement essay [6]

it's great, i just see one tiny thing.

Ever changing is the music, younever hear the same beat, it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre, it is culture.

I'd add you there b/w the music and never (the bold part).

Beside that it's really good and i don't think it needs anymore fixing
Jd87rh   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - Music Molds My Mission [6]

I developed a strong personal attachment to music ever since the very first time I moved my hand over the soft, smooth wood of a guitar and I have not looked back since. While playing guitar has been my active hobby for the past five years, music has always been my inherited passion. My parents and relatives are all music lovers and they claim that I have had music in my veins since birth. Even when I was a young boy, I was tapping my feet to the different beats of music.

I was 12twelve years old when my dad had me listen to his favorite rock band during a long road trip. I remember feeling so mesmerized that I just couldn't stop listening to it for the next few days. The unique sounds created through a fusion of instruments ignited an outstanding profound interest. I convinced my dad to take me to the music store the next week and it was there that I felt a guitar for the very first time, resulting in my intimate relationship with this instrument.

I began to express myself by strumming random chords and composing new melodies in my mind. My interest in guitar advanced while in high school as I learned to compose and play advanced tunes, styles and techniques. During summer of 2008, I started a class to teach guitar along with my friend. We taught both children and adults who were all thrilled with their new-found skills in the end. I was later elected Vice-President of the Monta Vista Rock Fusion club. There I met with different musicians from school and gained more insight into the subject. I also got to compete in the Battle of the Bands and volunteered to play in various concerts in my city with a few friends. I am proud that I have brought happiness and unity in themy community as I share my passion with others.

Recently, music drove me to learn how to assemble a computer at home from scratch. I needed a faster computer to run my advanced multimedia software. My dad gave me a small budget and instead of compromising on the features, I researched online, bought all the necessary parts, and assembled the computer entirely on my own.

Music has deeply shaped me as an individual. Teaching guitar has taught me to communicate with people of all ages and to be patient and understanding. It was not easy to learn the instrument - it took a great deal of practice and dedication. However, the fact that I learnt it on my own has given me great confidence and pride.

My mission is to reach out and make a difference in the lives of others. All of the valuable traitsqualities that music has giftedtaught me will guide me as I pursue a career in medicine. I will succeed by approaching it with patience, confidence, and pride, the same way I succeeded with music. It is my goal to create melody and harmony in everything I do. My passion in music will accompany me in all my life journeys and make this possible.

it's very good, i just crossed out some things i think your essay could do without.

P.S I started to learn guitar recently from my cousin. my finger tips hurt they are really soft and so the chords don't sound right when i play. i wouldn't be a master at it or anything but hopefully i can learn a little.
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Graduate / My enthusiasm and commitment help me to make a great contribution to research field [3]

I am interested in gaining necessary skills needed to challenge more complex problems in order to advance our current knowledge and understanding in the field of Machine Learning, Human Computer Interaction and Robotic.

necessary = needed.
You have to erase one of the two. they mean the same thing.

After the words challenge this sentence gets a bit confusing.
What i think you mean to say is: to challenge myself with more complex problems, in order to advance .... in the field... robotic.

Through the information I obtained about the university's research centers, Social intelligent Machines Lab, Humanoid Robotic, as well as great professors,whose research activities are focused on the subjects I am interested in, I found University of XXX as the best place for my future research studies.

I'd put something between the words as and great.
I'd but the "whose research... i am interested in" sentence in ().
EXAMPLE: as well as it's many great professors (whose research activities are focused on the subjects I am interested in) I found University.... research studies..

I think it's great, you just need to remove and/or add comas in some places.
Also try to make the essay more viewer friendly. If a sentence has more than 4-5 comas think of using () or maybe making it two sentences instead of one long one.

beside that i think it's great!
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Judge people by their character" - FSU Essay Rough Draft - Mores [4]

"Judge people by their character, not by how they look," my mother once told me. I follow that to this day. This saying reflects the latin word Mores, which refers to character, custom or tradition. I wouldn't want people to judge me on appearance because I'm so much more then that. I want people to see my character; to see how responsible, hardworking and determined I am. Everyday I try to improve my personality and become a better person.

I think this part:

My character is reflected by the type of people I talk to, the extracurricular activities I do and where I go. I don't associate myself with negative people or slackers.

is good but you should word it differently, because at a glance it looks like your say that the people you hang out with affect your character. you should never say that because colleges want you to be your own person. Many college admissions officials read through your essay quickly, so you have to make every line sound positive (when possible)

I think the last paragraph is a little out of no where. I'm guessing the transition from the third paragraph to the 4th need work. If you can ask your english teacher to help out.

They are very useful tools when it comes to correcting grammar or transitions b/w paragraphs.

Good luck!
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Go-go the suprising culture- UVA supplement essay [6]

think it's good but your not completely answering the question. What work has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? So you have to write about the actualy work, and how it affected you. Here's how I'd change your essay:

Many family and friends have asked what go-go is and I tell them it is the sound of DC. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound of the music that keeps on living. The music is ever changing, you never hear the same beat twice, and it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre it is culture. It has been this culture that has formed my character. Without it, I don't know if I'd still be who I am today.

Many have tried to stop it but it cannot be forgotten, the Go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. Even though it has been put down time after time, it has persevered. It's taught me that giving up is not an option, that no one can put me down; and I'll always keep trying to follow my dreams. Go-go has astounded me with its spirit and its individualism; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. There's a lot to learn from Go-go, it is an exceptional example for all.

I am not an english teacher, I'm a highschool senior, and this is just How I'd do it.
But yours is great and i guess you can take this as another view point.
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - Music Molds My Mission [6]

sorry ^ the above was for another question, my computer froze and when it came back it had posted it here.

by the way it hink your essay is good. it has a few grammar errors.
So you should get people to proofread it.
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Rutgers Essay Topic: First two paragraphs [4]

Here's how i'd change it up. It's only small changes. over all i think your short essay is very good.

For many people their greatest strength is also their greatest weakness. The differences that bring people together are the same differences that tear them apart. This is the beauty of diversity; the one quality that keeps us from perfection, yet allows us to learn and grow.

The Olympic Games never cease to amaze me. Seventeen days out of every two years, people all around the world come to share each other's company. All of the different world cultures come to each other in peace to compete. All wars, ethnic or political, almost completely surrender to the power of unity that allows us to become attracted to our fellow neighbor's differences.

Then you need to answer the "How would you benefit from and contribute" question. Say how this diversity will help you. and how you will bring to this diversity.

Basically how you will had to the schools already diverse student body.

You can right about how your open minded and you love to learn new things.
And how your ideas and williness to share your thoughts ill contribute.

I hope I helped some how.

P.S. I'm having trouble with my own supplement questions.
It's somewhat similar about diversity so talk i look if you's like.
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "passionate abut studying" - University of Rochester Supplement (common app) [9]

Here are my responses to the three questions on the UR supplement on the common app.
What do you guys think?

1)What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

All the information I've received, from my guidance counselor and from Regional Director Joe Latimer, has helped me in choosing University of Rochester as a good fit for me. I feel that the Hajim School of Engineering and Applied Science will help me in pursuing my interest in math and science. I intend to major in biomedical engineering, and UR's strong research centered curriculum would greatly benefit me. UR will allow me to focus on my goals but also allows me to explore other subjects and interest. UR has a very diverse student body, and the school's many societies and clubs will enable me to meet and work with all these students and teachers. Rochester's hold many of values I look for in a school and I hope that I can be a part of it's diverse student body.

2)Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

I haven't written an answer yet because i don't know how to word it. But here's what i want to say.. i just don't know the best way to say it.

I'm very passionate about studying, and I'm sure to bring that to University of Rochester. I love to learn new things, and also to teach others things they may not know. I was born in the Dominican Republic (DR), and have spent a lot of my life going back and forth between New York and DR. I can truthfully say I see things differently because of this. I've experienced what life in like here in America as well as over there. Many families suffer great poverty there and for many of them their only chance for better future is their children. My family has always placed a great importance on education, on better oneself and helping others. Things are easier here in America and many of us don't see this and take it for granted. Whenever I go to DR, I remember how fortunate I am and try to help my community. The local schools often holds parties to raise money for those kids that can't afford to buy their school supplies. My family and me always take part in organizing it when possible. I take everything I have learned with gratification and I hope to bring these values to Rochester and it's community, but also to learn new values that I can incorporate into my life.

How would you guys write the second part?
I know some of you will say the way I wrote it is good enough.
But I don't feel it is.

Please and thank you!
Jd87rh   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - Music Molds My Mission [6]

I think it's good but your not completely answering the question. What work has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? So you have to write about the actualy work, and how it affected you. Here's how I'd change your essay:

Many family and friends have asked what go-go is and I tell them it is the sound of DC. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound of the music that keeps on living. The music is ever changing, you never hear the same beat twice, and it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre it is culture. It has been this culture that has formed my character. Without it, I don't know if I'd still be who I am today.

Many have tried to stop it but it cannot be forgotten, the Go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. Even though it has been put down time after time, it has persevered. It's taught me that giving up is not an option, that no one can put me down; and I'll always keep trying to follow my dreams. Go-go has astounded me with its spirit and its individualism; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. There's a lot to learn from Go-go, it is an exceptional example for all.

I am not an english teacher, I'm a highschool senior, and this is just How I'd do it.
But yours is great and i guess you can take this as another view point.

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