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Posts by brayan1996
Name: Brayan Florentino
Joined: Jan 3, 2016
Last Post: Nov 4, 2018
Threads: 17
Posts: 34  
From: United States
School: FDA III

Displayed posts: 51 / page 2 of 2
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brayan1996   
Jan 5, 2016
Scholarship / By seeking leadership experiences, I've been able to learn to communicate and empathize with people [7]

Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life: school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

By seeking leadership experiences, I have been able to learn to communicate and empathize with people. One of these leadership experiences was my involvement in The Love Kitchen after school program. With the central goal of helping students who have difficulties in academics, The Love Kitchen has been a place of growth development. My involvement in The Love Kitchen taught me the importance of helping those around me by guiding those who may feel lost.

My mother enrolled me in this program in middle school. She thought it could help my English improve. I spent three years attending The Love Kitchen and saw a tremendous improvement in my English. I also made friends who helped me break out of my comfort zone. They would constantly push me to participate in class and events that would purposefully expose me to large crowds. With the help of Mrs. Heights, the program coordinator, I expanded my leadership skills and my comfort with English improved. Her immediate response to my mother's call for help made me realize that there are good people in the world. Before migrating to this country, I thought that my family was not going to find a single person that would help us succeed and adapt to such a different world. Mrs. Heights showed me otherwise.

One year after I had been enrolled in The Love Kitchen, Mrs. Heights called me and asked me to volunteer in her program. She told me that it would be an amazing opportunity for me to reach out to students just like me who had emigrated from other countries. I decided to participate and spent three years tutoring these elementary and middle school students. From this experience, I gained responsibility and became less timid. I also gained confidence from helping young children who were being challenged with both academic and social problems. I remember one day when one of the students was talking to me about his troubles at home. He opened up to me and told me how his mother had separated from his father because he would spend his money on drugs and alcohol. I spoke to Mrs. Heights about the student's situation and talked her into arranging a fundraiser to help the student's mother pay her rent. Through this, I was able to realize the power each of us has to make a difference in the lives of others. We each have the responsibility of contributing to the world. I managed to discover these things at The Love Kitchen.

The skills I picked up in this program have given me the confidence to challenge myself and grow. My encounter with the student and my response to this situation have guided me to work hard and consider about out of the box solutions to problems. The leadership skills I gained in this program are ones I continue to employ in my future career. By having compassion and understanding people, I will be able to help others experiencing stressful situations.
brayan1996   
Jan 5, 2016
Graduate / Personal statement for admission to Columbia University [3]

Hi, I tried to edit your essay. Below you may find some constructive feedback on some of the things I would leave out if I were the one writing this essay.

My education of dental surgery program and subsequent dental practice has led me to pursue MPH.

What intrigues me most is .... Remove the question mark.
brayan1996   
Jan 5, 2016
Scholarship / Motivation Letter for Erasmus Mundus masters program on Digital Communication Leadership (DCLead) [3]

Hi Ishaqur,

Although I am a high school senior and may not be able to offer you much advice there is one thing I feel would give a stronger context to this essay. In your first paragraph you mention----

"As the Business Development Manager at a multinational solutions developer, Dnet, I have initiated numerous online marketing campaigns through efficient research of consumer markets with a high success rate in reaching out to the intended consumers."

Right after this sentence, try to provide some examples. Probably the online marketing campaigns that have brought the most success to your company. Think of, How much flexibility this has given to your company.

I hope that helps.

Best,
Brayan F.
brayan1996   
Jan 4, 2016
Scholarship / Unfairness at the jewelery store - describe a situation when you or others were treated not right [3]

Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?

As a Latino immigrant, I can say that there is one common goal that my family and the families of many other immigrants in this country share. That goal is the desire to better our lives and the lives of those we leave behind. Although, in the beginning, this goal is nothing more than a dream, our drive is so strong that the sacrifices we make are valuable in and of themselves. After all, the sacrifices we make are the ones that teach us life long lessons. Through these lessons, we encounter many memorable experiences. However, memorable experiences are not the only things we come across on our journey towards this goal. There are times when situations lead us astray. Racism, for example, is one of the many obstacles that nearly most, if not all immigrants experience. In my case, racism was something that both my family and I had encountered at a local shopping center. This incident not only proved the unfairness with which the individual involved was treating my family and me, but also the still prevalent nature of this issue within our society.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when my aunt, Modesta, my parents and I decided to go out in search of a birthday gift for my grandmother, who was turning 75. I remember the slight frustration that my aunt and dad were showing on their quest to find the perfect birthday gift. We drove from store to store searching for something that would not only be memorable, but that would also leave a lasting impression on my grandmother. My aunt's and dad's desire to get her the perfect gift was so strong that, I was starting to get annoyed of their argument about what to buy my grandma. They were driving me crazy, especially my mom, who pretty soon became the intermediary between both of them. After seeing the spectacle argument that both my aunt and dad give whenever they cannot agree with each other, my mom came up with the perfect solution. She decided that a golden ring and necklace with my grandma's name engraved in it would be the ideal gift for this occasion. Both my aunt and dad agreed, without any further argument.

We drove to the nearest jewelry store and entered without any hesitation. Upon entering, a white gentleman approached and greeted us. He asked us if we needed any help. My aunt quickly responded,"No, gracias." She assumed that the guy in the store knew Spanish. Unfortunately, this was not the case. He walked away for a while and then came back to the spot where we were standing. He fiercely stared at us. At me. My mom. My dad. My aunt. Watching our every move, as though we were going to steal something from the store. At first we did not pay much attention to him. However, his constant looks did not take long for us to notice what he was doing. During this time, my aunt had spotted the best design for the ring and necklace that we were going to give my grandma. Pretending as though nothing was happening, my aunt turned to the gentleman and asked him, if she could get the design on two sets of jewelry. Following this, came a stream of remarks wrapped in humiliation and disrespect. The gentleman responded to my aunt by telling her, that she could not afford that design on a two set jewelry piece. He also told us, that the store was not for someone of our economic status. He insisted that we were going to steal something and that he needed to keep an eye on us. As unusual as it seemed, these harsh words struck me like lightning. I began to feel not only inferior to the gentleman, but also worthless. He had created the worst image of us in no more than two minutes. However, we did not let his comments intimidate us. My aunt, on the other hand, decided that it was best for us to leave and not buy anything from the store. Despite the unfairness with which we were treated, we came out of the store with our heads held high. Proud of being Latino immigrants.

This was, by far, the worst experience that I had ever encountered in my life. The only good thing about this incident was the fact that I was able to learn how to approach problems like these. As my mother always tells me, respecting others is the only way out. It does not matter if we are respected or not: the only thing that counts is the character with which we approach those around us. After all, the image that we create of ourselves is what others will use to base their sense of judgement upon us. For this reason, one must always strive to carry oneself with dignity and respect.
brayan1996   
Jan 4, 2016
Research Papers / "Occassional depression versus major depression within adolescents" research paper [4]

Hi Aballou,

I read your essay and i feel that you should combine some of your paragraphs as way to help make your essay more concise and coherent. Try to see which paragraphs speak of similar ideas an which ones tend to differ from the ones that express a completely different idea. Also, your evidence seem to be extremely broad and not factual based. You need to integrate some numbers that show how depression or stress affect an individual. Example, does stress lead to depression if so show the numbers that lead to depression. In study so and so concluded that a certain number of people who suffered from chronic stress also suffered depression----You Know What I Am Saying. Something around those lines.

Hope this helps.

Best,
Brayan F.
brayan1996   
Jan 4, 2016
Graduate / My passion. Statement for master degree in Filmmaking [3]

Hi Rockprincess,

I read your essay and it seems to be missing something that I can't seem to get an eye on. I think the examples you bring from your experiences in high school and college capture your interest for the major of film. Also, make sure that your introduction lures the reader in. Don't give general sentences, try to integrate a question that may reflect your interest for the major. Think of a good question as I am having trouble thinking of one for you. I think that this is what the essay seems to be missing. Introducing a question may also help give a direction to your essay by allowing the reader to ponder for a while in hopes to provide an answer. However, don't expect them to draw conclusions or answers from other parts of the essay. If you will introduce a question make sure that it relates to an overarching and meaningful point/idea.

Best,
Brayan F.
brayan1996   
Jan 4, 2016
Scholarship / Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe made it difficult [3]

Academics has been a strong motivator in my life. However, this motivator was not always my biggest strength. Believe it or not, I have had a lot of difficulties in many academic subjects. Much of this difficulty springs from my academic years in elementary school as well as migrating from another country. Coming from a country where English is spoken little to none and United States history is rarely taught, proved to be my biggest challenge. After being enrolled in elementary school, the challenges that English and history instilled in my life only began to worsen. Both of these subjects were now part of my curriculum and there was nothing that I could do to stop learning them. The worst, however, was seeing how the students around me were skillfully proficient in history and English. I remember when teachers used to call on them to read stories that they read like a memorized song. Likewise, the students would recall historical dates and events that only proved to baffle me.

As many immigrants in the United States, my parents' search for a life with richer opportunities was something that tremendously affected me. The reason for this was because, as a child, moving away from everything that I knew was beyond shocking. I was only seven years old when I had first set foot in an American school. Such experience proved to be a challenge of its own because I had to assimilate to a completely new life. With this new life also came the task of having to learn a new language. However, my own vulnerability fed me with the strength to persevere. Every day after coming home from school, I remember going straight to my room and scouring through the many English books that my mom had bought me. I forced myself to read one book each night by sounding out new words. Whenever I came upon a word that I did not know how to pronounce, I would write it down and take it to my teacher the following morning. This habit continued all the way throughout elementary and middle school. Upon reaching high school, I faced a new challenge. This challenge was making sure that I understood what I was reading. I was realizing that being able to read something was one thing, but comprehending it was completely different. In fact, this skill is one that I still continue to refine. Many of the struggles that I had faced while learning English, however, began to dissipate with time. My writing began to take more shape and style because of all the practice I had been exposed to. I saw the partial end of this struggle in seeing myself take A.P English Literature as a junior in high school. The course was a challenge, but all the things that I learned made my struggle appear, far more, enriching.

History has always been a subject where memorization and practice have played a painful role. It is this that makes history a challenge for many students across the world. I identify myself with many of those students. Since middle school, history classes have been a dreadful pain for me. Such pain originated from lacking the skills necessary to commit facts to memory. Another factor that contributed to my struggle with history was the lack of interest that I had for the subject. I never really understood the purpose of studying history in life. Such indifference was what made my grades in all of my history classes plunge to nearly failing grades. This, however, changed for the better by the time I had reached seventh grade. As a seventh grader, the guidance that I received from my teacher, Mrs. Daniels, was beyond helpful. She would always tell me that success in history does not come from having an interest or disinterest in the subject. One must focus on the purpose for why one studies history. She once told me, that in order for my grades to improve in history I had to have a goal in mind. I began to see the goal of graduating from college and becoming an airline pilot as something to reach for. Apart from that, I began to connect personal experiences with events in history in order to help me recall memorized facts. Such skills proved to bring a significant amount of success throughout many of my high school history courses. Challenging myself with A.P United States history was one of the best things I had ever done. My exposure to college level history proved that Mrs. Daniels's advice was working. My grades jumped from seventies to high nineties. There were times when I would walk out of a high school history class with only two points away from one hundred. This improvement demonstrated me how strong perseverance and dedication can be in helping a person overcome their worst struggle.

Overall, the challenges I had to face with English and history were extreme. I was able to enhance my skills in both subjects. Likewise, I was able to overcome the vulnerability that at one point fed my hunger for learning and also kept me behind. There is still a long road to go and I know that it will not be easy. Continuing to better my skills in these subjects will take a lot more than just perseverance. There will be many other struggles that I will be forced to endure. However, there is an essence in struggling. I have realized that struggles help us grow. It is for this reason, that success is much sweeter when life strikes us with struggles that seem impossible to overcome. Once we overcome them, life becomes a story of lessons learned.
brayan1996   
Jan 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2. Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done? [5]

Hi Rafhli,

I read over your essay and it seems that it would do a lot better in my eyes if you started your introduction with a "Catchy" hook. Try to lure your reader into the argument you intend to put forth. Think of a special way to introduce your topoc, crime rates. Probably a question like Should the biggest crimes be punished by the most final of all sentences? Or simply as what are your thoughts on the increase in crime rates.
brayan1996   
Jan 3, 2016
Scholarship / 'My academic success stems from math and science'. Suggestions on the content and how to improve it. [2]

Since a very young age, math and science have been the main subjects from which much of my academic success stems. Both of these subjects have given me the opportunity to learn the new language that both fields have to offer. Such languages are like any other language, but there is one difference. Unlike other languages, math and science are universal. Many people, if not all, are somewhat familiar with the language that revolves around both subjects. It is for this reason that I have always excelled in these subjects. Another reason why I have excelled in math and science is because I have known these languages throughout my entire life. My skills in math and science have traveled with me to America, a place where English is the dominant language. The skills that have accompanied me on this journey have enabled me to assimilate to the American culture by giving me the tools necessary for success.

As was mentioned before, math is a language unlike any other. This language is one that opens an individual to a world where reality is far beyond simplicity. In other words, a person who has a strong foundation in math is able to picture out the numerical computations that have gone into the construction of a project. Such ability is one that, without a doubt, takes time and practice. Both of these components are the ones that I use when it comes to math. I never stop challenging myself, even when the courses I take prove to be an unbearable challenge. Because mathematics is a subject that demands critical thinking, I make sure that practice is always in my schedule. Such practice is seen whenever I go to the store. I force myself to make mental computations of the things that I purchase before the cashier does it for me. In doing so, I am able to train my brain to think without relying on someone else. The restless nights that I spend practicing skills beyond my level is something that I would never change. The set of lens that I have gained with math by challenging myself with courses, such as calculus, have allowed me to gain confidence in taking risks. This is another factor to which I attribute my success in math. The courage that I have to take risks despite the potential failure that may arise in the future. However, failure is not something that I guide myself with. I always try to keep my mind fixated on the idea that I will succeed. I never underestimate all that I can bring to the table, especially when it is related to a subject like math.

Likewise, the language of science has changed the way that I perceive the world. Of the many fields that science has, I have only been able to expose myself to the physical and life sciences. The main courses that I have taken within these two branches include chemistry and biology. Another route in the science field that I have also exposed myself to is research. As little as it seems, the amount of knowledge that I have amassed in these areas is far more than what I had ever imagined. Much of what I know is due to the amount of interest that science sparks in me. Like math, science requires a student to have an inquisitive mind. In other words, one must be willing to ask questions that arise from bewilderment. In asking those questions, a student is able to learn at his/her own pace. Because of this, questioning everything around me is a factor that goes into my success in science. Whenever I am confused about a topic, such as the origin of the universe or what makes us human, I strive to ask questions. The beauty of asking these questions is the fact that the answers I receive help me get back on track. In respect to being involved in science research during the summer, I see those opportunities as a way to challenge myself. Challenges like these are the ones that feed my hunger for knowledge. These challenges do not completely satisfy my hunger because whenever a person is deeply devoted to a particular subject there is no end to learning. Learning simply becomes the fuel that feeds our unceasing hunger.

Nevertheless, the success that I have encountered with math and science has been the result of dedication and the love that I have for both subjects. Both of these subjects have allowed me to live life differently by giving me the opportunity to question all that surrounds me. It is for this reason, that I strongly look forward to a career in the STEM field. As a college undergraduate, I hope to continue challenging myself with courses and internships that put my math and science skills into practice. One of the many courses I hope to master is physics. Opening myself to the world of physics will give me the ability to study the mechanisms that play a part in how airplanes fly. In doing so, I will be able to accomplish my dreams of becoming an airline pilot.

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