Essays / thesis statement and introductry paragraph [10]

Greetings!

I think you're doing well; I have just a few suggestions.

Here's a typo: Chaucer describes the pardoner as a peroson [person]

In fact, [add comma] he is abusing his power by selling pardons rather than just giving them [not "it"] to people.

In exchange for pardons he [delete "is"] takes their money and other valuable goods.

Once he convinces the listeners, he takes advantage of the poor, naive people and invites them to make offerings to be pardoned. - It seems to me that you have just said the same exact thing three different ways in the three foregoing sentences. You'll need to dig a little deeper into his character, so as not to repeat yourself.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Reed Essay (interest in a liberal arts and science education) [3]

Greetings!

I think you've written a very good essay! The only recommendation that I would make is to spend another couple of sentences on Reed itself; you don't mention it until the very last word, and I suspect they would like to hear a little more about why you want to attend their school in particular, as opposed to any other liberal arts school. Aside from that, I think you've done an excellent job of explaining how your interests expanded from science to encompass the arts and social sciences as well.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / thesis statement and introductry paragraph [10]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a reasonably good start with your thesis statement, but I do have some suggestions.

"Chaucer is very descriptive when he explains the pardoner's character. - Words like "very" do the opposite of what they intend to do: they weaken your writing, rather than strengthen it. You could, instead, say something like "Chaucer's detailed description provides insight into the pardoner's character."

Chaucer describes the pardoner as a person who abuses his position as a member of the clergy by manipulating common man, whose work ethics revolve around his greedy motives, and whose gross appearance highly reflects on his characters." - the last phrase, which I highlighted in bold, does not really make sense as written. I think you meant to say "whose grotesque appearance is reflective of his bad character."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Have you ever done something to make others happy? Peer Pressure Paper [5]

Greetings!

Glad I could help! In order to include the specific incident, you'd have to rewrite the sentence quite a bit. Here's how I did it:

The time I had to choose between drinking alcohol with a group of older friends, and standing up to my convictions, created a dilemma for me like the one [name of character] faced in Orwell's "Shooting an Elephant."

However, I'm not really convinced that mine is necessarily better than the one you wrote. Yours is fine, too. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / english verb tense (simple past, present perfect, past perfect) [2]

Greetings!

You've done a good job with this! You are right, some of them are very tricky and, in my opinion, some could go either way. I do think that#2 should be "had rushed" and #3 should be "had gotten," as it seems the tenants were already out by the time the firefighters got there. I think #9 should probably be "had left," and, although #10 could arguably be "had boiled," I think your choice is probably better. On all the others, I agree with you.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Thesis on How do love and forgiveness work together as a theme? [8]

Greetings!

There are probably several ways to do that, but here's one possibility:

In the novel, The Count Of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas, the theme of love and forgiveness is exemplified by its characters who either forgave others or found redemption in love.

See if that will work for you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Short Review - reasons for attending college [4]

Greetings!

No, technically, that is not a run-on sentence. A run-on sentence is one which has two independent clauses. For instance, if you said, "I am in college because I like having fun learning about things that I am really interested in, high school courses were less interesting because they were required." -- that would be a run-on sentence because it is really two sentences.

I have been debating whether to tell you to put a comma after "interested in"-- as best I can tell, it would be optional there.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Consumer prices drop - Economy revisited ; expositive essay [5]

Greetings!

You could do it something like this:

An article on cnn.com entitled "Consumer Prices Drop" pointed out that the Fed seemed less concerned with inflation than with recession: [insert quote].

However, it seems to me that, if the whole point of your essay is to discuss information contained in this one article, you should mention the article in the first sentence. Then, when you insert the quote you could say something like "The CNN article also noted ..."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Short Review - reasons for attending college [4]

Greetings!

Your essay shows you to be a man of many talents! I have just a few suggestions to do with punctuation:

My reasons for attending college are not simply because college graduates make more money, have a better social standing, or any of the typical overemphasized reasons.

I am in college because I like having fun learning [omit semicolon] about things that I am really interested in rather than courses that I am simply required to take, [add comma] like in high school.

Currently, I am a first year student studying computer science at Michigan Technological University. I am a full time student taking the maximum number of courses a semester.

But that is not all: [add colon] I am an artist, dreamer, pianist, singer, web and [don't use &] graphics designer, cyclist, treasure hunter, hopeless romantic, entrepreneur, adventurer, lifeguard, technologist, optimist and a person with my own sense of style. Currently looking for a scholarship.

Your last sentence is a fragment, and rather curt. You might want to expand that a bit.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Have you ever done something to make others happy? Peer Pressure Paper [5]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a great start! Your thesis statement, the last sentence in the paragraph, is good. If you wanted to, you could be more specific in that sentence about what exactly that decision was "the time I had to ..." but it's not strictly necessary.

If you leave it as is, I'd suggest just a few comma adjustments, and a little tweaking:

As in George Orwell's "Shooting an Elephant," I, too, have been faced with a tough decision where I could either stick to my own right judgment and disappoint my peers, or do something to please others at the cost of betraying myself.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How my favorite Hobby/Pastime refelcts my personality [2]

Greetings!

I think you've done an excellent job of demonstrating the characteristics you listed! The only suggestions I would make have to do with grammar:

The day my classmate took me to a civil protection organization called Technisches Hilfswerk (THW) was the beginning of a long and passionate pastime activity for me. Right from the beginning, I have admired the social commitment of this work and trained hard to become a team leader after two years.

Even though we are all pursuing the same good purpose, we are all different in our manner of communication and behavior. Within my team I had to anticipate the different educational level and social background of my companions when building the team. It was very challenging for me to manage a team of that heterogeneity. During that time I read management books such as Peopleware by Tom De Marco or Getting to Yes by William Ury, a Harvard Professor, which gave me a number of good techniques on how to lead people and apply effective communication.

my team was deployed to a critical mission where a building had collapsed and survivors were assumed to be under the ruins.

heavy mechanical equipment was not appropriate because of potential survivors.

The hard work turned out to be the most meaningful hours of my life.

It was the first, but unfortunately also the only, survivor of this catastrophe. Nevertheless, I was very proud of my team that we were able to transfer the hard training hours successfully into a real mission so that we could save a human life.

These experiences reflect my personality till to date when I am working with people and managing projects. - I'm not exactly sure what "till to date" was supposed to mean here, but it isn't proper English. Try rewriting this sentence. :-)

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Exploring paper about the connection between the media, books, violence, and terrorism [10]

Greetings!

Fortunately, there has been quite a bit written on this topic in recent times. You might want to read through some newspaper and journal articles first, to see which side you would like to argue. Some things to consider: if it does help terrorists, does that necessarily mean that it should not be done? There is a balancing act between adverse consequences, such as potentially aiding terrorists, and what we would be giving up if we prohibit it--free speech, an informed public. If society decrees that the media should not report on acts of terrorism, the only way to enforce that would be censorship--in which case, are we not giving up the freedoms which we are defending when we fight terrorism?

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Thesis on How do love and forgiveness work together as a theme? [8]

Greetings!

I think you're improving as you go along! One small matter of grammar, though: In the novel, The Count Of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas, the theme of love and forgiveness is exemplified by its characters who either forgave or were redeemed because of love.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A Rose for Emily : Why Did Miss Emily Kill Homer? [2]

Greetings!

Faulkner's story brings up a lot of intriguing questions. In contemplating why Miss Emily may have killed Homer, one line comes back to me, surrounded by question marks: "Homer himself had remarked-he liked men, and it was known that he drank with the younger men in the Elks' Club-that he was not a marrying man." Just how well did Homer like men? Is it possible that Miss Emily finally ascertained that Homer was "not the marrying kind" because he was homosexual, and was this just too much for her slightly unbalanced mind and ego to take?

That's one theory!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / My review of the great gatsby [3]

Greetings!

I think you're doing a great job so far! You do want to be careful, as Devyn pointed out, about summarizing too much without actually "reviewing"; implicit in the idea of a review is that you give your opinion about it, and simply telling what happened does not do that. You might want to add a little more of your thoughts and interpretations.

A couple of editing suggestions:

His guests' behavior would have been appropriate only at an amusement park.

Pleasure seeking was the only thing their lives consisted of.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'From Albania to England' - personal and informative essay [6]

Greetings!

I will help you with some editing suggestions, but if the idea for the essay is that your writing will reveal what the proper English placement level for you is, it would not be a good idea to substitute my word choices for yours; otherwise, you might end up in a course that is too difficult for you!

You have a typo here: Even thought my town was a holiday destination - should be "though"

When I was 12, [add comma] my parents told me that we would be moving to a different country.[period] I was excited as well as upset.

[delete "So"] I decided that I was going to buckle down and study hard so I could change my life for the better.

You use "dint" twice; the word you want is "didn't."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Consumer prices drop - Economy revisited ; expositive essay [5]

Greetings!

I think you've done a good job, but I do have a question. Even though you are not supposed to summarize the article, shouldn't you make reference to it? In the paragraph with quotation marks, is that a quote from the article? It isn't clear.

Here are some editing suggestions:

This came after the Federal Reserve cut interest rates in an attempt for the country to not fall into a recession, a period during which a country experience a decline in their GDP. - this sentence is rather awkward. Better would be "This came after the Federal Reserve cut interest rates in an attempt to forestall a recession, which results in a decline in GDP."

The fall in the consumer prices helped workers giving them more spending. - This could also be worded better: "The fall in consumer prices gave workers more spending power."

"The Fed in its statement said that 'some inflation risks remains,' but by making the bolder half-point cut in its federal funds rate, it was signaling that it clearly believed the threat of a recession outweighed concerns about inflation." Inflation remain contained, only rising .2 percent. - This contains a couple of grammatical errors. Check your quote; it will be either "risks remain" or "risk remains." Also, in the next sentence "Inflation remain" should be either "remains" or "remained" depending on whether you meant present or past tense.

We will certainly not see hospital patients spending many as they will have to pay their expensive medical bills. - This sentence does not really make sense to me.

The Federal Reserve has helped to temporarily curb recession.

I hope this is helpful to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Can I use "I" rather than "The author"? [6]

Greetings!

If you do an internet search using terms like "thesis use first person" you will discover that there is no agreement on this subject. Some state boldly that the first person should never be used; others, that you should use it when describing work you did yourself. Some say to use a substitute, such as "Chaper 3 describes ..." but that will not always fit your needs. The bottom line is this: if the expectation by the person who will be evaluating your work is that you should not use the first person, then you would be asking for trouble if you did so anyway.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Eng101 essay (personal essay); natural disater? [11]

Greetings!

I think it is all in how you write it. As long as you do not give medically graphic details that would be unpleasant to the reader, it should be fine. It gives you the opportunity to write about something that has an emotional content, which can be engaging for the reader. I'd be happy to help you with editing once you have a rough draft!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 15 minutes of fame; NYU COMMON APP [2]

Greetings!

You've written an excellent essay! I have just a few editing suggestions.

It was then I saw the winner of the physiology and medicine department walk back in a mature manner until the spotlight was off of him. - This sentence is a little confusing. You need a little more explanation about who this person is.

Lost in my thoughts, I came back to my senses and realized that professional Vishal had just ended the fourteen minute speech. "Wait! Fourteen minutes? Where's my other minute?"

Their faces were clear evidence of how proud they were of me.

I'm not sure that it matters much, but just in case you'd like to know, Andy Warhol's exact quote was: "In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes."

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / MOVING TO AMERICA; "Challenging Experience" [3]

Greetings!

What an excellent essay! You managed to convey the emotions this experience engendered in you as a child without resorting to over-dramatization. The only corrections I would make have to do with the tenses of some of your verbs.

I could still remember that feeling I had experienced when my mother had told me we were moving to America. - Because you apparently still remember that feeling, you should say "I can" instead of "I could."

I couldn't decide whether this life-changing sentence was something I should look forward to or something that would cause me to face more problems than rewards.

Nevertheless, I could not bear the fact that I would no longer be able to stroll along the beach minutes away from my house or watch my favorite cricket players dominate the teams of other countries.

I can still remember the times when the teacher used ask, "Who doesn't have a partner?"

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Defining Classic (Extended Definition Essay) [4]

Greetings!

Keep your misgivings at a bare minimum, because you've written a very good essay! While I think that it needs very little revision with regard to content, I might suggest one thing about your opening paragraph. It was not immediately clear to me, upon first reading, that you disagreed with those who consider blockbusters to be classics. "Though a blockbuster may seem similar to a classic, a blockbuster is invariably successful in terms of popularity and revenue." You might want to add something like "and need not possess the timeless elements which would make it deserving of respect as a classic."

"Titanic", - If you're using American English, the comma goes inside the quotation mark.

Ultimately, though, the ship and it's sinking are merely a backdrop for the improbable love story - The possessive form of the pronoun "its" does not have an apostrophe. You need to do a search and replace to change all the "it's" in your essay to "its." :-)

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / help with graduate admission into Masters of Science and the Public [8]

Greetings!

If there is no instruction as to whether to double-space or not, I'd recommend doing so; double-spacing is pretty standard for papers you will write in college.

I'll look forward to reading your rough draft!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Thesis on How do love and forgiveness work together as a theme? [8]

Greetings!

Although I think you have the right idea, your thesis is weakened by its grammatical errors. You could rewrite it like this: In the novel, The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas, the themes of love and forgiveness work together as, through finding love, the Count also finds his way to forgiveness and "ultimate bliss."

I'm not sure exactly what you're asking about topic sentences. Do you mean in addition to the thesis? Do you mean in the same or different paragraphs? I'm happy to help, but I need to understand what you're asking a little better. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / help with graduate admission into Masters of Science and the Public [8]

Greetings!

If you have enough room within whatever their word limit is to mention how well your undergraduate work fits their program, that would be fine. I would not, however, waste too much space on telling them what's on their website, as they already know, and would expect that you would have investigated that. The main thing you want to do is to stand out from the crowd by showing them why you are ideally suited for their program. There may be lots of students with similar grades and scores; why should they choose you over someone else? Think about where your unique talents and qualifications lie, and let them know. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / The Great Gatsby-- Essay on occasions and events in the novel [3]

Greetings!

We try not to "go too hard" on anybody here, but even if I were so inclined, you'd have skated! If you had not told me you're a high school student, I would never have guessed--your writing is very good!

I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

That is one of the many themes being delivered in The Great Gatsby. [typo]

At the party Nick attends, all the attendants walk around as if they own the place, and don't even try to find the host. - It should be "attendees" rather than "attendants" but because you've already used "attends" in the sentence, it might be better to say "guests" or "people who show up" or something like that.

This was the "Jazz Age", the "Roaring 20s;" - It can be confusing trying to figure out where the punctuation goes when you use quotation marks. The rule for American English is that periods and commas go inside the quotation mark, while other punctuation goes outside (unless it is part of the quote). Therefore, you would have This was the "Jazz Age," the "Roaring '20s"; (and you really need an apostrophe before '20s to show that the 19 was left off).

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / ME & My BROTHER / Human behavior psychology -Common App [2]

Greetings!

I think you've written a great essay that reveals a lot about what kind of person you are. The fact that you would help even the students in your class who had shunned you shows you to be fair-minded and generous. You showed that you could learn from adversity and strive to improve yourself, and that you are smart and determined, and a real problem-solver.

Other than a few editing suggestions I will make below, the only criticism I can make is that it isn't really an essay about you and your brother. Your brother disappeared from the story after the first paragraph. If he is not a required element of the assignment (e.g., if the assignment was "Write an essay about you and your brother"), then don't worry about it; just don't mention him in the title.

Here are a few editing tips:

"My brother and I were among the very few students who went to the school on bicycles." - if you're using British English, you could also say "amongst" instead of "among." ;-)

Write out words like "first" instead of saying "1st."

"Being a part of the latter group, I was always the other group's prime target for practical jokes and humiliations; "

Don't start a sentence with a number: "Eighth-grader"

"Then up till now, I call 'those people' my friends." - Better would be "From that time up to the present, I have called those people my friends." I'm not sure what the quotes around "those people" was meant to signify, but I don't see that they are necessary.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / References or journals for a pys research class [2]

Greetings!

Your best friend, as a student, is often your university library. As a student, you probably have a sign-in I.D. and password to gain access to your school library's online databases. Most of these databases, like JSTOR and Academic Search Premier, allow you to specify things like "peer-reviewed journals only" and "full-text articles." For psychology, the psychINFO database is very useful. You can often do all the research you need to do from home, in your P.J.s! :-)

If you're not sure what your sign-in information is, contact the school library and ask how to get it. Librarians are also very helpful for getting your research pointed in the right direction. I think once you gain access to the databases, you'll find a whole world of research opens up for you!

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / help with graduate admission into Masters of Science and the Public [8]

Greetings!

You want to be sure your admission essay describes what your specific area of interest it and how your past experience has prepared you for your future studies. Certainly your past successes with your undergraduate work are relevant: courses you've taken, research papers in the subject area, and any presentations or publications you have created will show your qualifications and commitment to your chosen field.

While we can't email students privately, I'd be happy to give you some guidance if you'd like to post your rough draft here.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Hole - narrative essay(incident that happened and changed my mind) [7]

Greetings!

Yes, I think that sounds good. I did like the headline idea, however. Perhaps something like "Pile of Leaves Swallows Boy."

One small correction: Oh, that would make me so embarrassed!

I guess you were never in any serious danger? Because sometimes when these things happen, it becomes a matter of life and death; however, the way you've written it makes it sound like you were much more concerned with embarrassment than with danger. You might consider saying something to the effect that your life wasn't in jeopardy, just your pride.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / U.S. economy - expository essay [2]

Greetings!

I think you did a great job in such a short time span! I have some editing suggestions. In several places, you changed from past tense to present tense, so that's something to watch out for.

At the time, the railroad industry provided many Americans with employment.

However, Cooke's financing firm discovered they had run out of money and filed for bankruptcy.

Many businesses and railroads closed; [use semicolon] unemployment reached 14% in 1876.

In 1910, there were still a large number of farms in the United States.

The government collected only $567 million in taxes and spending was only 1.8 percent of the GDP.

Then, World War I began and there was a surge in government spending.

Factories, machinery, and a standardized mass production method which resulted from WWI allowed quick and efficient production of goods.

Higher wages helped create more demand for consumer goods. Farmers were increasingly moving to urban areas.

It helped to regulate the farm market and was the first step towards providing stability to the farmers. There was a major tax reduction under the Republicans which was one of the causes of the Great Depression. Black Tuesday, the Wall Street Crash of 1929, was widespread and considered to be the beginning of the Great Depression.

As the 1930s gave way to the 1940s, the economy rose, banks were reformed, and there was significant government spending on reform programs.

More Americans were joining the middle class. There were a large number of educated workers, thanks to the GI bill.

By the 1950s, employment in the farm area began to decrease; farms were increasingly managed by family members.

The United States has certainly come a long way since the ending of the civil war.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Stereotypes on the music side - Division And Classification [4]

Greetings!

Your essay has some interesting information! I have some editing suggestions for you:

these Metalheads are generally heavily talented, intellectual beings, and the music itself is a catalyst towards something greater.

The three most common sub-genres are Heavy, Death, and Nu-Metal. Most Heavy metal listeners generally listen to classic Heavy metal which originated with Kiss, Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, and Judas Priest.

This genre sparked one of the most dominant features of a Metalhead, the "Corna" (a hand-signal formed by a fist with the little and index fingers extended, known variously as the "devil's horns" or the "metal fist") [delete "of"] which became popular in the 70's when used by artists like Gene Simmons.

The Death metal listeners who came after them would change and evolve.

moshing also made such a change.

Larger mosh pits would form, more people would join and become more violent, and instead of just pushing, punching, and kicking became a part of the pit.

This explosion in the popularity of Metalcore (also known as Nu-Metal) has also brought with it changes in fashion, as fans of the genre are typically neater in appearance. They tend to have shorter hair that is dyed black, and favor "label" clothing. Many of these newer fans are also seen as associating themselves with the culture for purely fashionable reasons, giving rise to the nickname, "posers."

However these influences should be taken with a grain of salt, as each individual should find their own preference. - the phrase "taken with a grain of salt" doesn't really fit here.

But, there is no stopping the act of stereotyping, thus we have these types such as Metalheads. - I'm not sure I really follow your logic here. Stereotyping results from observations about something which already exists. The way you have phrased it, it sounds as if the stereotype created Metalheads.

As a person, they can still be divided further into sub-genres, but that theoretically doesn't change the assumption that they are, a Metalhead. - I think I understand what you are trying to say here, but it is a little awkward. Better might be "Although there are many sub-types of Metal listeners, they are all, at heart, Metalheads."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Blank verse - "The Ball Poem" by John Berryman Help [3]

Greetings!

There are various ways in which you can denote the stressed syllables in iambic pentameter. You could, for example, put a mark, such as an "x" over the stressed syllable. That doesn't work very well in this format, so I will put the stressed syllables in bold.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

You will note the the accent does not always fall on the same syllable in the couplet. Also, in this example, Shakespeare has varied the form of the iambic pentameter by adding an additional weak syllable on the end of the line (the "tion" in "question," for example).

Barryman has added two extra syllables to his ending, with "Merrily over-there it is in the water!" In that line, "is in the" functions almost as if it were one syllable, like a triplet in music, where three notes are played on one beat.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Hole - narrative essay(incident that happened and changed my mind) [7]

Greetings!

Yes, I think that is an excellent idea; those sentences go very well with the previous paragraph. Don't worry about committing errors--we go to school to learn! If you knew it all already, you wouldn't need to take classes, right? ;-))

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Nora becomes prepared to fullfil Pleny's request [6]

Greetings!

I'm not sure I really understand your question about the quotation. While you don't have to use the entire sentence when quoting, you do have to quote the part you are using exactly. Are you sure there isn't any punctuation between "a child a child"? Surely, "a child" isn't in there twice with no comma or dash in between?

You should put the page number after the quotation, yes. If you are using MLA, just put the number in parentheses like this (248). I am assuming you identified the author and book title at the beginning of your essay. If the whole essay is devoted to that one book, you only have to give the title and author once.

I hope this answers your questions!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / My Antonia-essay topic help [4]

Greetings!

When I do a Google search using "My Antonia" as my search terms, I come up with several study guides sites which summarize and analyze the books for you. While they may not answer your specific questions, they should at least make the material easier for you to comprehend.

This is a very basic type of internet search which you need to know how to do as a student. Try again, using Google and those search terms, and tell me what you find!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Nora becomes prepared to fullfil Pleny's request [6]

Greetings!

Yes, so far, so good! I realize this is a rough draft, but I went ahead and make a few corrections for you. Double-check your quotations to make sure they are accurate; the second one, especially.

Overcoming her personal emotions, Nora becomes prepared to fulfill Pleny's request. Nora recognized that Pleny would be dead if his finger was not cut off, so " in necessity and tenderness, she swiftly did what must be done."

When her baby was born, she understood how important life was and precious enough to grab onto for as long as possible.

Defeating the challenge, Nora is ready and

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / My Antonia-essay topic help [4]

Greetings!

You are in luck, because this book is a well-known novel by a very widely-read and critiqued American author. Because of that, many people have analyzed, dissected, and otherwise dealt with the subject. Try doing an internet search just using the title of the book and you will find a wealth of information at your fingertips. Often, reading what others have written about a work makes things become much clearer for you, so that you can apply this new knowledge to answering the assigned questions.

I hope this helps!

Thanks!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Hole - narrative essay(incident that happened and changed my mind) [7]

Greetings!

I'll start by answering your three questions:

1. Yes, it was good! You did an excellent job with description, adding details, like the crunching of the leaves, that draw your reader into the story.

2. While I do think it met the requirement of the prompt, you might want to emphasize just a little more about the change in your mind and attitudes caused by this event, perhaps describing yourself imagining the news story of the ordeal. You devote only two sentences to your change in attitude.

3. No, I didn't find it at all wordy. :-)

Here are some editing suggestions regarding grammar:

I walked over to the car with the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet.

riped for my picking. - the expression is "ripe for the picking," but it's really not applicable here. Better would be something like "a pile of leaves, begging to be pounced on."

As I hung precariously above doom,

Here my memory fails me as to why I did not call for help. - Although the event happened in the past, it is in the present that your memory is failing you, so use "fails."

I crashed onto the ground; [use semicolon] all strength had left me.

Being a child, my fear warped itself into curiosity about this [delete "similarly"] oddity of nature. Back then, I did not know how the leaves held themselves up when nothing was supporting them. I stood, knees shaking slightly. I could now see that the hole was a tunnel. As I peered into the tunnel, I expected nothing but darkness; [use semicolon] instead a flicker of light greeted me.

He gestured me to the car, and I complied. On the ride home, I told him about [delete "the event"] what had happened. I was expecting a serious response to my story but was met with loud laughter. - I found this a little strange; why was he laughing at you? Was it that he knew about this tunnel? Or because of your propensity to jump first, ask questions later? It would probably help if you explained what the tunnel was, because it is a little confusing as to why there should be a tunnel in the man's yard--and you really didn't explain how the leaves held themselves up.

A cruel and unusual trick was played on me that day--an event that could have landed me a spot on the nightly news and caused embarrassment--or worse--if it did not end the way it had.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Thesis statement: technology and people; space and isolation [4]

Greetings!

You'll want to decide which side of the issue you're on. Let's say you choose "it enables people to come together." You might say something like "More than ever before in the history of the world, people have the opportunity to communicate across great distances, thanks to advances in technology." Or, if you wanted to take the other side, you might say, "Although technology does wonderful things for people, it also enables them to isolate themselves by giving them access to music, news, research materials, games, and shopping for anything they could want, without ever leaving the house."

I hope this helps you get started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com