Undergraduate / Song choice on a talent show; a roommate who needs to know you; NYU and Stanford supplemental essays [8]

Here is my prompt and essay, again, I want to thank every one who has been giving me advices. Thanks a lot, for all the help given.

Essay 1:

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

Frankly, my singing skills are just not as good as my swimming and therefore, being selected to sing at a talent show poses a real challenge to me. However, there is indeed one song that I would choose if I had to sing, Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. This song not only falls within my vocal range, it is also one of the few songs that I really liked when I first listened to it, and one of the few that depicts me well, my life and personality.

"Release your inhibition...
I break traditions,
Sometimes my tries are outside the line.
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
But I can't live that way."
When I first hear it on radio, I was shocked by such words. There are indeed many limitations in the world but there are few people who are willing to stand against it. A few years ago, when people in China were still not allowed to talk about the negative sides of the government, people remained silent and idol. When I asked others about it, they agreed with my opinion but was not willing to publicize because there is no reason, as I remembered they put it, to be against the government. People were all afraid of the jurisdiction that is already corrupted, but still nobody stepped out. I was very sad that people living in their own country are not willing to help it correcting its mistakes.

However, limitations doesn't only exist in politics, everywhere in your life, there are always things that you can't do. Even since grade three, my teachers always yell at me about not getting a perfect full mark, the standard of a good student in China. I was tired of the same boring ways to be taught, criticized and had so many exercises. I disliked the system and only liberated when I moved to the UAE, where I studied in the American Curriculum. I love the part when she sang that, we live in a restraint place where we aren't allowed to do certain things, but my soul will not give up

To me, everyday is a new beginning of life and whatever you have done in the past, whether it's good or bad, you can always start again. Personally, I think everything could should be given a second chance, like the lyrics say, "Today is when your book begin, so history is still unwritten." When I wake up every morning, I tell myself this is a new beginning and everything that I did wrong yesterday can be made up, every mistakes I made in my way can be repaired, and as long as you have hope and confidence, every thing will be the way you want it to be. That's who I am, no matter how times I fail, I tell myself, there is always a second chance that I could try.

Essay 2:

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something that will help your roommate and us to know you better:

Stanford university is not only famous for its students' intellectual vitality, the campus is also known for matching people with their likes and dislikes. One of my favorite story I heard is from a student guide when I visited Stanford, she told me that during her freshmen year, she had a roommate who loved The Red Sox and hates soccer. Another good friend, who lives across the hall, is so different from her roommate in every way except that she loves The Red Sox and hates soccer. These two people didn't get along at first but became best friends before the end of Freshmen year and now, she said, they are planning to share apartment together after they graduated. Because of that, I realized how important it is for your roommate and your dormmates to know something about you, because they will be the ones living with you for the best year of university.

The first thing I think my roommate should know about me is that I'm very outgoing. I love to hang out with others and being in a group; when I was small, I was too energetic at home so mum suggested to learn how to perform. I took dancing, gymnastics and piano lessons and learned how to perform in front of others. When I had mastered this skill, I was so proud that I began to entertain everyone with my skills and talents. Everytime I perform, smiling faces began to appear and I was very proud of what I can do for them even though this is just as simple as entertaining others. Eventually, I became very extrovert and forthcoming because of the confidence I gained from performing.

I don't like to be isolated and alone, whenever I enter a new environment, I tried to learn its culture and background then do my best to embrace the system, because one of the favorite things that I like to do is learning and understanding different cultures. However, sometimes I'm tired of being in the whirlwind of society and would love to just have a moment to be me. And people would be surprised at how I can change myself. My native, Chinese have easy flowing characteristics but they act differently when they need to say something because they all know the famous saying, "Most of the disasters start from your tongue"; the Arabs are good at verbal communications, when they talk or sing, it seems like words just flow out of their mouth in such a beautiful way that they can convey a message without actually saying it. My style is different. I am, when comparing to these 2 cultures, very bold in my words. I don't like to pretend I know something when I don't, and even though I blend into other cultures, I don't like to compromise myself in order for the culture to accept me.

I'm also a great storyteller, I learned how to tell everything from fables to jokes. When I was in China, I was actually considered one of the funniest kids in my class and can always cheer my friends up when they are down. I also stand by my friends when something happened to them. I'd want to let my roommate know this so that whenever they are down, there will be someone to cheer them up and be on their side.

A comedian needs source for his jokes, so do I. When I was in China, I read all kind of magazines to get these materials, however, when I moved to the UAE, I changed the source from books to movies, which now has became one of my main source of entertainment. I really want my roommate to appreciate this because it's one of the most important things that shaped my personality is the movies. I not only pick up my sources from them, I have also learned a lot more than just storytelling. I want to share this with my roommate since I always let my best friend know the other side of me when I hang out with her. It's very nice to be around your most intimate associate cause you can feel the familiarity and sense of warmness around them. I used to go to the movies with my best friend, Mariam, once in a while, and we would both laughed so loudly that some people even turned and stared at us. But we didn't care, as long as we had fun and we never mind what others thought. I would like to do the same with my roommate, go to the movies, enjoy ourselves, have fun and most importantly, get to know each other and gain the proximity between our friendship without actual verbal communications.

What is interesting is that my American friends told me I somehow learned American mannerisms and sarcasm while I was watching these hilarious entertainments. I guess I've picked up them unconciously while getting my source of jokes, The wild expressions that actors and actresses sometimes make during the movie create such a scene on their faces that people can read through it and laugh out loud. At first, I didn't even realize that I started doing this because it felt normal everytime I rolled my eyes or raised a brow to express disbelief or [describes a word: how you feel when you think someone is helpless], and it wasn't until that I came to the United States three weeks ago that someone reminded me of how American my personality is. That's when I started to feel the hope, after never been completely blended into the communities that I tried to fit in so much, of being able to blend into the main stream of this society without actually changing or compromising any part of me. In other words, I really wanted people to appreciate who I am without thinking about the culture that I have experienced.

Moreover, I would also talk about my independence in day to day tasks when I introduce myself to my roommate. Though I have not been to the military, I live like one. And this comes from the daily life that I have experienced in the boarding school in FuZhou, where I studied grade four and have a lot of fun and learned a lot of things. During my time in this school, I learned how to manage myself. I needed to manage get up early and do all the chores by myself like cleaning the room, go to class punctually and getting along with the people you are living with. Most of these tasks I have rarely do by myself are now, all on my shoulder. However, rather than blaming on my parents, I was very grateful because I understand, later on, that this very much helped me to gain independence that most children in China do not have. So I don't think that leading an independent life on campus would be any different from my daily, independent life since nine. I have always managed to do things on time and live in a regimented schedule, which I have followed for the last six years.

The last thing I wanted my roommate to know is that I'm looking forward to this new environment and can't wait to meet my roommate. From a very young age, I started seek adventures and thrill, because the daily life bores me and nothing captured much of my attention. I have so much to tell her; my adventure in the desert, my struggle with figure skating and my exotic theory about vampires and so much more that I wanted to tell her and I hope that she will appreciate my sense of adventure and understand that I will be a very good friend.

Thanks a lot for any inputs,
Angela629

Undergraduate / Essay presented for homeschool student - help with grammar [4]

This essay has no prompt, it's just an additional document presented for homeschool student, please help to review the grammatical mistakes.

As a homeschooled student, I would like to elaborate on my pre-homeschool and homeschool history to make my application seem more clear and understandable.

I was born and raised in China until I was ten years old. At first I lived with my extended family, then I moved into my new home with my nuclear family at the age of five. I spent my kindergarden years in my hometown (at JianOu Experimental Kindergarden); but just before I finished, my father went to United Arab Emirates to work, and two years later, my mother went there too. Before she left, she placed me at my piano teacher's so that someone will look after me while she was gone, and I spent a year living with her while studied at JianOu Experimental Elementary School. I finished grade three in my hometown's elementary school (JianOu Experimental Elementary School) and grade four in a boarding school (FuZhou YangGuang International Elementary school) in the capital city of the province. Then, after I went back to my hometown, started grade five for half a month, mum took me and my cousin (her elder brother's daughter) to United Arab Emirates to live and study there. (Earlier that year, my parents divorced; the court issued official papers that stated my father to pay some money, approximately 200 U.S dollars per year, for my daily need in China, which became merely enough when compared to the need in the UAE) While in the UAE, I spent a year learning English in British Council Institute and later, 3 months in a school near my apartment to audit, so was not credited for the study. Later that year, I went to Dubai National School for the next academic year, where they use an American-based curriculum with a mix of Arabic-language teaching, to study grade six. Initially, the officials didn't agree that I should enter grade six since I haven't finished grade five fully. However, do not wish to stay in grade five for another yeart, mum sent for transcripts from my elementary school to prove that I had completed grade five final term examination, which I have took before I left China, and passed. They decided to allow me to take the entrance test, which I got a 100 in Math and 98 in English.

I studied grade six and seven in Dubai National School and have took numerous awards during this time not only in the academic field but in other fields as well. Also, during this period of time, I took up my third language, Arabic. In the first school year, I studied Arabic as a special student (this course is offered to international students learning Arabic as a beginner). I graduated from grade six as the only A++ and honor student, (since I got an average of A+ over all 4 terms of school), and broke the school's highest average mark, 97.75. I was also the Spelling Bee Champion for my grade and took fourth place in Girl's backstroke at the National Championships. The following year, mum decided that I could take a chance and try to master into the regular class along with the regular students. It was extremely hard at the beginning, not only do I encounter problems from the language, I was stuck with my Arabic teacher, who did not wish me enter this class. I had to memorize at least 50 Arabic words a day and practice them everyday with my classmates. However, I had some mixed feelings about it when I got a 76 on my final exam. I was thrilled that I succeeded again in such short period of time, but I was also kind of unhappy because who used to be an A+ student became an A- student. Nevertheless, in any school terms, my grade was never less than A and I was always in the top five students even during regular Arabic studies. I graduated grade seven with an A average and was also given a special honor due to my linguistic success in Arabic (because it only took one year for me to go from the beginner class to the regular class, or from grade one to seven). I was also the Spelling Bee champion of the year for my grade and chosen as one of the best oral presenters of the year when competed between Grade with higher grades, eight and nine, and was awarded a MP3 player for my effort. I was also successful at doing other things, I actively participated in many major events during the academic year, such as the Open Day and National Independence Day. I was also chosen as the lab assistant of my class and was once the Class President.

I enjoyed my success in the scholaristic field very much that made my mother thought that things taught at school were too easy for me. While I was still in grade seven, she told me that she is thinking of homeschool for me for the following reasons: 1) My grades were always one of the best in school, there was no room for further improvements and that, 2) as a single mother with almost no monetary support from my father, she could hardly afford my school fees; especially when the school does not offer scholarships, even for students like me. So she decided that I could do better with homeschool and we gave it a try with Algebra in the summer right after I finished grade seven. We had a plan to finish as many materials as we could within the timespan of the summer vacation, which was about three months. The textbook was designed to have all materials covered in three years into one big book, and our final goal was to finish the whole book.

We had a very detailed schedule for this plan and everything was in place. According to the schedule, I needed to study two lessons per day for whatever time it takes. Normally, I would first take about fifteen to thirty minutes to go through the lesson, understand the concepts and work out the examples. Then I would ask mum to come into the room, explained the lesson to her in Chinese and a little bit of English, and be ready for her and my questions. After that, I would do the exercises provided in the textbook, check them, and do a quiz on this lesson the next day, and repeat this process for each lesson I was taking. (The total time it takes for me to finish an Algebra lesson never exceeded three hours.) You might wonder why I was the one to teach and not my mum. First of all, mum does not speak English very well and she could not teach me in English as instructed in the textbook. Second, mum and I both agreed that learning from a teacher is a good way (at least it worked well for the majority of students), however, we believe it is better when I teach than when I learn, since teaching requires a broader knowledge than learning. I can also learn a lot when I teach; for instance, I take mum's questions as well as my own, trying to answer them by myself if I can. When I didn't understand or couldn't answer it, I would seek help from ask experts, which is a free website made by volunteer experts from all fields of life joined together to provide help for us. They answer your questions and guide you through it, explaining to you as the procedures happen. Futhermore, they also provide additional online exercises. The exercises I took as I mastered a lesson were 50% from the textbook, part of them are from the set of CD-roms mum brought me as a study guide and the rest of them were found on the Internet.

The testing and grading system I had was very simple; everytime I took a test, my mum would choose the questions on the test from a list of available sources either on the Internet or from the textbooks, then printed it out on a separate piece of paper. I would then set up a time limit, and ask her to be the superviser to avoid cheating. When the time was up, I turned over the paper, gave the pencil to her, and she would give me the answer key and a red pen. I calculated the score by number of questions I answered correctly out of total number of questions and converted it into a percentage. Moreover, my final exam score accounts for 70% of my total score in the class, while the other 30% came from the tests and quizzes I had done throughout the course.

We were very excited that we could finish the book (a three year course) within three months and reached a decision that I should start homeschooling instead of going to a normal school, because homeschool could actually speed up the my rate of learning so that I could go to university earlier, and gain independence earlier.A few days after we had made the decision, mum and I went to school and bought the entire series of middle and high school textbooks except that of Grade 7, which I had already taken, by Holt, Rinehart and Winston, an American publisher for educational textbooks located in Texas. Within the next 2 years, I finished all of them according to the schedule that I set up for myself. (Please see the schedule attached at the bottom of the page.) I was very pleased to have finished my high school work over such a short period of time. After that, I decided that although I had finished the required material, I should take a test to show how well I did for all the courses that I have studied. I registered for an SAT Reasoning examination for May 2007 and studied hard for it, however, I did not do very well and was very disappointed. Later in the year, in December, I tried again, but failed again; it seemed like I was very strong in Math and not strong enough in Critical Reading and Writing, I guess that was the best I could have done considering I had only studied English for 5 years. In January 2008, I took SAT Subject Tests in Math Level II, Chemistry and Biology, and I took another SAT Subject Test in Chemistry, Biology and Physics in the beginning of October this year. I did it because I wanted to show the admission officers that although I am not as strong in literature and grammar, but I am in Math and Science.

The subjects I studied during home school was not only limited to English, Math, and Science. I also studied world history, U.S government, business and computer by taking either courses online and offline. I took world history and U.S government in a free-website called the National Repository, which is offered for any visitors of the website. I also studied business in the textbook we brought from the school, Introduction to Business. The last subject I took during homeschool was computer, I went to a computer institute in my building that offer a wild range of courses from how to operate a computer to how to be a software manager, and took a course in the basics of computer programming, learning JAVA, design simple websites, and applications.

In addition to my home schooling, this year when I went back to my hometown in China, where I met Ms. Zhang, a chemistry lab teacher from the local high school in order to do the laboratory exercises which I could not have done (due to lack of facility) while I was in Dubai. We got together about three times a week for at least two hours at a time, studying Chemistry, Physics and a little bit of Biology, we spent more time on Chemistry and Physics because there were many more lab exercises to do.

Thanks a lot!

Writing Feedback / "the land of the east and west" - my personal essays [6]

Here is the prompt:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dillema you have faced

My topic is: the land of the east and west

Growing up in two different countries is a precious opportunity. While travelling around China, I finally had the time to sit back and review these fabulous pages of my life. At Hong Kong, where I summerized the different places and systems that I have been to and experienced. I have decided to put it as the topic of this essay: through my eyes, the land of the east and the west.

To get a true vision of who I am, you should know what I have experienced and the unforgettable memories I hold. These are the things that shaped me who I am today, and without them, I would be totally different. My experience abroad since ten has taught me a lot about everything that's happening. I am very passionate about going through new and different cultures and feel thrilled at the same time to have the chance to experience all these different places along with all the different social interactions.

I'm originally from China and when I was ten, I moved to the United Arab Emirates and lived in Dubai for four and half years. I returned to China earlier this year, visited many places, and saw how my motherland has progressed for the past years. After the tour, I came to the Unites States of America, and continued my exploration of new and different cultures.

I have experienced a lot of different school systems and societies, and honored to be able to participate in this wonderful trip. I have studied in different school systems, public, private and home school; I've also studied in different types of school, non-boarding and boarding. Moreover, I have experienced different communities, both small towns and big cities, and in different countries, China and the UAE. These valuable journeys have very much shaped me who I am today, and unconciously, I have fallen in love with all the different cultures I've been to.

I grew up in a small town where I studied in the Chinese public school system, one of the strongest and firmest elementary educational systems in the world. The public school in China has built a very firm ground for my future studies. When compared with other systems in teaching skills, I don't think the Chinese public system is any different from others. Yet, why it achieves such a high reputation in teaching is the approach it takes in making students excel in academics. This system counts on the numerous practices that students receive from all subjects to build a sound foundation in their basic knowledge. By using them repetitively in practices, students will not forget them. For instance, my math teacher use to assign the class a lot questions each day and the Chinese Language Arts teacher assigned us to write one composition (e.g daily journals, short essays) every day. In my opinion, I think this is a good way for students to build a firm base as a short-term goal, but in the long run, I don't think it's a very interesting way to learn.

One thing this system focus on is students' grades. Due to the insufficient budget and the large student population, the system policied to award students only based on merits in academics rather than needs. They hope in this way, students would work harder toward a higher grade. However, the system has gone too far from what they intended to do. Teachers would severely criticize students for not getting a full mark and students with grades below certain range are even called the low-performing students. They also demand students to completely focus on school works and give them a lot of homework, which can also discourage students to pursue other hobbies. I used to stay with my piano teacher, who taught me a lot of interesting things. After school everyday, I really wanted to learn more from her. However, everyday homework would wear me out before I had a minute to be with her, and I felt irritated due to the limitations. Back then, when the government putted forward a proposal on how students could improve more by giving them more homework, many people opposed to this idea and some protested that burdens today's children face is not child labor, instead it's school works.

I was getting tired at school. The same lessons, the same homework and the same critism if I didn't get a perfect full mark. While on the phone with mother, I complaint to her about how the school constrained me from extracurricular activities, personal interests, and how much I would like that to be changed. I would really appreciate it if I were in a place where I could study and do other things at the same time. She said that I needed a more flexible environment, and send me to FuZhou YangGuang International Boarding School to study. She told me the idea of a boarding school is to learn how to live independently. I guess it's pretty much like college life, because now you have to learn how to manage yourself when you're away from the people who usually do this.

My first day at boarding school was fantastic. Everything seemed so fresh to me and looked so promising. I decided to take a tour by myself when I realized how big the school was. There are at least thirty buildings in the campus, and before I got lost in the confusing school grounds, I decided I'd tour again when I have a map. After spending 2 weeks in this school, I felt much happier than I was. in fact, this is school is completely unlike my old school, it does not lay a strong emphasis on school studies. Rather, they ask their students to pay special attention on extra-curricular activities such as drama and diving. Since all their students will be studying while residing in the school, there will be a lot of spare time when a student can choose to participate in a club activity. I was very happy with the school that I could finally be free to engage in these activities without any pressure from the system. The school also has a no-blame policy, which states that teachers will not blame students for not achieving a perfect grade because the school does not want its students to be under the stress of perfect academic accomplishments. I was very pleased to know this policy because I don't think it's right to be blamed for having more in my life than just academics and I was also glad that I could finally study and take part in other things at the same time.

I actively participated in many events at school such as the annual singing event, swimming competition, drama club, and an essay contest, which I won for my last piece of bread and cannibalism essay. I had no idea that this weird essay earned me a full mark and when the teacher told me to read it aloud in front of my classmates, everyone said I was a strange kid. Nevertheless, I was happy about it because I got a full mark in a subject that I never expect to accomplish.

I had so much fun in the school not only in its activities, but its daily life as well. My typical day starts at 6:30, when I wake up and go to dancing lesson. I ate my breakfast in the empty dining hall and skipped assembly. After morning sessions, I went to the dining hall for lunch, and then back to dorm to take a nap, or skip it to refresh my piano skills. I join the class in the afternoon and go to the dining hall before the evening session. I'd spend an hour at the drama club after dinner, and later can choose to go to either the evening session, reviewing today's lesson, or the Olympiad club, learning technical Math. My day usually ends earlier than others because I wake up the next day earlier. My routine at school is unlike anything I experienced before, because during this period, I shaped an important part of me. I successfully managed myself without my parents or guardians.

It was a turning point for me in 2003 when mother asked me to go to the UAE and live with her. I was excited for I began to love how it feels like to live in a new place, learn new things and meet new people. It would be so much fun to know how the educational system in UAE differs from the system in China. From a very young age, I was known as adventurous and energetic, a kid who loves to experience novel things that not a lot of people have tried or done. I enjoyed these adventures very much, and always welcome more excitements.

The UAE educational system is so different from the Chinese system and their lifestyles, cultures and everything are not the same as those in China. UAE is the Middle East's global village with people coming from all over the world. Most people come here because its prosperity. Being the business center in the Middle East and one of the world's fastest growing economies, UAE has turned itself from an Arabian desert into the modern world of business and entertainments. If you have ever been to Dubai, you would tell that it's certainly not the Middle East people usually think of. As you walk down the street, you'll see skyscrapers all around you instead of two-storey buildings. You would find amazing number of cars going up and down the streets instead of camels in the desert. You would also find a lot of shopping malls and entertainment spots like Wild Wadi, Global Village, Emirates Mall, World's only seven-star hotel, Burj Al-Arab, Ski Dubai, and World's tallest skyscraper, Burj Dubai.

One of most important things I have learned when living in that country is to see things from different perspectives. When I was in China, I thought and lived inside the box and had no idea what the world outside was like. When I first experienced UAE, I actually thought all the people there were crazy because they had a completely different style of thinking than the Chinese. There, people have the freedom of speech. Some people say that their government has a lot of flaws, and others complain how this country don't fit them. I was shocked by their words and even thought that the authority would arrest and press charge against them. Later, I found out it's okay to point out flaws of a system, so that they can be fixed. This is completely different from the Chinese system that I once lived in, where everything you do must fit in such a way that it's either controlled or approved by the government. Most of the schools are government-funded, the buildings belonged to the government and everyone is working for the government. While I lived in China, I didn't know how to think differently because everyone's logic goes the same way: government is always the best and it's always wise to listen to them. But ever since I lived in the UAE, I started to see things from different perspectives and hear other's opinion. For instance, the Lama riot that happened earlier this year in Tibet has caused a lot of controversy because the Chinese government refused to let foreign reporters to enter China to propagate about what is happening around this country. Most Chinese think there is nothing wrong with the government not being open about its internal affairs, but after changing my point of view, I thought how unfair this is, denying and preventing others to comment the event from their angle of opinion.

Everything is so different in the UAE, even its educational system. In the Chinese system, whether the school is public or private, grades are often one of the most important things at school and everyday, all students were pushing themselves to another limit. However, the American system that I took course in was not. They prefer to teach kids in such a way that they don't put a strong emphasis on grades, insisting on that learning is only interest-related and not under influence by any person. It's like the line you want your life to be, the Chinese public system represents a single straight line limited inside the box, where everyone is taught in a restrictive way and was not allowed to think outside the box. The Chinese private system is a little different from the public one; unlike the single straight line, this system has lines that are zigzag, but they are still inside the box. The American system can be described as free lines outside the box, yet the home school system is the most flexible, where learning is unlimited and the lines are free in the space.

While in the UAE, I studied in Dubai Natinal School, a private school that implements American Curriculum. It used Arabic and English both serve as institutional and spoken languages; usually main subjects such as English, Math and Science are taught in English, while other subjects such as Social Studies, Arts, and Arabic are taught in Arabic. I'm very happy with the fact that the school system I studied in Dubai can provide me with much more flexibility than that in China. It weighs the power on the hands of the parents to decide which field is the interest of the children, whereas in China, teachers are the ones who decide that. This actually seemed ironic to me because these two different countries actually have completely different strategies on an issue.

I also enjoyed the festivals and events at school; Arabs is a nation full of talented dancers and singers, and since the school is intended to have native students as the majority, there were always a lot of entertainment events during any school year. For instance, when I was in sixth grade, they held eleven events in various fields: the National Singer, Beauty Dancing, Open day, Fashion Show and much more. I have to say that one of the reasons that I understood and embraced this culture within such a short period of time is their friendliness toward others.

However, I was truly immersed in this culture after I began learning Arabic. When I first saw Arabic letters, I thought they looked like the doodle worms that creeps backward; and not to mention that I have never in my life seen worm-like writings, a right to left writing is already driving me crazy. During my sixth grade, I took courses that were suppose to be in Arabic in English, and learned Arabic starting from textbooks of grade one. Since the first day my teacher taught me how to pronounce the alphabet, I was attracted by this exotic language. There are many letters in Arabic that can not be translated into English due to their special pronounciations. Last week, one of my American friends tried to explain to me how she sees Islam, and she kept mention a name that I never heard of before and it sounds like Korea. When I asked her about it, she was confused that I didn't understand. She explained to me that it's the name of the holy book in Islam, and I suddenly understood. Arabic people (or native speakers) pronounce that as "Qurran", which is very different from the American saying of "Koran".

I also learned the Arabian culture from their religion. These desert people practice the religion of Prophet Mohammad, Islam. I enjoyed learning this religion because it helps me to understand the rituals and behaviors of these people. Throughout the Qur'an, the equivalence of Bible in Islam, I have learned almost everything that, as a Muslim, should do in a daily life and how the society works. A muslim should pray 5 times a day, sunrise, noon, afternoon, dawn, and evening. For a Muslim family, the man should be the one responsible. He should work, pay everything in a household, and take care of his children and his elders. However, women are treated differently. The Muslims pay a lot of respect to women because we are the ones to give birth to the children and often the ones who teach you the first lessons in life. Muslim women are noble and they are actually protected from men by wearing black robes and black veils called "Hijab". They are also separated from men in everything. Muslim schools have separated sections for boys and girls. When I first went to the UAE, I was afraid that these women would suffocate in those veils during hot summers and felt strange about the rule that a Muslim married woman can only show her face to her family. However, it is the curiousity that truly led me to know this society.

I was happy at the school and had fun with all of my friends. However, there is always the dark side of the sun. I encountered some problems that I was not expecting at all. In the seventh grade, I eagerly tried to fit into their culture. I didn't wanted to be isolated from the group due to my physical appearance, which set me apart from the rest of my class. I wanted to blend into this place and decided to master into the regular Arabic class. When I announced the news, everyone was in shock and disagreement instead of joy and cherish. The teachers said that I was progressing too fast, jumping from first to seventh grade arabic; some of my friends were in disbelief and some even said I was insane. I was very hurt, not because of what they said to me, but that I have come to another place where limitation exists.

That's why I told mother that I might need a new environment. It wasn't the first time that I had this in mind. Everyday at school, it would takes me at most twenty minutes to do the math exercises but I would have to spend the rest of the class doing nothing because the teacher was not willing to give me new lessons. I thought I was wasting time because others can not keep up with my pace. However, I don't think this is my fault because the teacher only teaches at the rate which the whole class can understand. So when mother told me about homeschool, where I can progress at my own rate, I was thrilled, and gave it a try in the summer. While others had their break, I was studying hard to progress into a new phase. But it was worth the time; I've found a more suitable way of learning and a new world where I am the only limitation.

Two years later, when I was done with the entire high school series, mother and I made a daring choice to apply to college. I tested myself using the standardized tests in the American system, SAT Reasoning. Considering that I only learned English for exactly three years and seven months, I got a 1590 out of 2400. I was disappointed and strived for it again in December 2007, and got 1610. I realized that's probably due to the speed at which I could read and write. For a beginner who is so new to this language, I think that is the best I can do when I need to write an essay within 30 minutes and answer a reading question within approximately 40 seconds. However, when away from the tests and stress, I can communicate very well. A lot of people were very surprised to know that I got such a low SAT score but can speak oral English very fluently. SAT Reasoning is not the only test that I took last year, I also tested myself in SAT Subject, which I got 2090 out of 2400 in Math, Biology and Chemistry.

This year, I also have had many opportunities to do many interesting things. First of all, when I went back to China, I took lab lessons with chemistry and physics lab assistants at a local high school in my hometown to make up the missing laboratories that I should have done while I home schooled. I also traveled around China and summerized this amazing part of my life bit by bit. While in Beijing, I had a chance to teach small kids who want to learn English, and had an experience in my mind that I will never forget. Then, in Hong Kong, I took a SAT Subject and TOEFL test, and got 2170 out of 2400 and 106 out of 120, perspectively. Finally, mother and I decided to travel to the United States to understand and embrace the place where I hope I can spend the next four fabulous years. I was very grateful that she made this decision because, after experiencing two of the world's most prominent cultures, my thirst for fun and excitement is yet filled. The nearly absolute freedom, flexibility in studying, intercultural society and state-of-the-art technology in this culture all became the center point of my attention. I'm really looking forward to understanding this community better since after all, this is my new adventure.

Undergraduate / "Vacation in China" - NYU Supplemental Essays [9]

Hi there, I need some advice for these essays because I don't think they are very good yet. Please help to give me some advice, whether in grammar or content, greatly appreciated!!!!

I changed some of the grammatical mistakes in the vacation essay, but not the structure, can someone take a look at it? Thanks a lot.

The most recent vacation I had taken place while I traveled around China, where I had a very fun time with all the unforgettable experiences. Since I started homeschool in 2006, I haven't had time to travel around and see exciting things like I used to, but this trip made up my missing adventures.

My venture started from GuangZhou, where I payed a visit to one of the most prominent universities in China, Sun Yat-sen University of Liberal Education. This school was built in 1924 by the same person who is also known as the father of modern China, Dr. Sun Yat-Sen. I was very impressed that he created one of the key universities of our nation during one of the hardest time in the country's history.

After touring the university, mum and I had a break at WuYi Mountains, a famous holiday place near my hometown. The 3-days trip was really fun, we rafted along the 9-straits river, climbed the Roaring Tiger Mountain, seen the thread-of-sky and did so much more. However, compared to my trip to the natural preserved mountains, none is as exciting. On the day we left, I saw the Otters and Amoy Tigers, some of the endangered species in the world. I was very honored to see the tigers because there are less than 100 of them around the globe.

After having so much fun, mum confined me to the hotel room for a month to study in Beijing. I was really sad, coming to this famous place without the chance to see some of the great views. However, on the day of emancipation, she told me that we're gonna have fun in our hometown.

As soon as we arrived, I can't wait to tour the place where I grew up, the smell of fresh soil and the sound of bargaining in the market reminds me of everything as I walked pass them. I spent that month with my cousin, and had a lot of fun recalling all the places that I missed. I also did labs that I missed during home school and joined something I have never tried before, sketching. It's the drawing with simply pencils and papers that are waiting for you to show the best of life.

With October Examinations coming up, I studied hard from July to September, and was rewarded. While in Beijing, I practiced figure skating in a rink next to the apartment; experienced teaching as an English assistant at an institute; continued sketching and able to draw spheres; visited TsingHua and Beijing University; saw the Olympics and cheered for my favorite team; I was even lucky to see the U.S secretary of labor, Ms. Elaine Chao and the ambassador, Mr. Clark Randt.

I had more fun in HongKong during October, where I developed my theory about the different places that I have experienced and was amazed by how fabulous this summer has been.

I mean in this essay, I think saying what I have done in the summer is enough, however, I don't know whether I should rewrite the opening and closing sentence.

I also fixed my second essay, can you give me some advice about the structure?

Among all the interesting choices of the schools at NYU, I think Gallatin School of Individualized Study fits me the best. There are many reasons that accounts for this daring choice, and I would like to explain why.

First and most important of all, being a home school student who has learned in the past three years by teaching myself, I think independent study suits me better than the regular study. I don't like to have everything under the control of the curriculum since they retrict your freedom in some ways. I quit my regular school, Dubai National School, a private school that offers American curriculum, and joined home school after grade 7 because my classmates weren't able to keep up with my pace of learning in the class and the teachers weren't willing to give me new lessons while she had time. This restricted my ability to develop further when I wanted and I wasn't very pleased about it. However, with home school, I had a lot more freedom and flexibility. I didn't have to care about others; whether or not I will finish at their rate and whether or not I can proceed to the next lesson right after I finished this one. This system gives me maximum flexibility and reproductivity, two of the most important factors that affects your study. When choosing universities, I had a difficult choice because most of the universities that I have seen do not offer a very flexible program which I can study according to my needs and interests. However, when I looked at the schools of NYU, I was glad that I finally found one. Gallatin School of Individualized Study is the perfect fit of my ideal place to earn my degree and explore further. It offers its students the opportunity to design their own programs that meets their own interests and needs.

Gallatin School of Individualized Study offers a small college environment but so much to learn, which perfectly fits my idealism of education. I like to learn through many ways and in many fields, taking as much knowledge as I could bear, and put it into practice at the same time. Gallatin offer courses in other schools' programs, give its students access to almost unlimited school resources, and internships from almost any intitutions in the New York City. In this fast pacing world, everything is changing in every moment and no one can stop it.

A true entrepreneur knows how to keep himself on the top shelf; if you only sit there without polish, even if you are top-of-the-line, you would soon be eliminated from the competition. However, if you keep yourself in looking fabulous, there is no way removing you from the top shelf. That is what Gallatin means to me, a pathway to success. I am still in the box waiting for my future, like others, I want to a place in the top shelf. To me, Gallatin is what I would need to be there.

Thanks a lot,
angela629

Undergraduate / 'Angela did not like the school very much' - Homeschool supplement [2]

Here are the prompts and essays, please help me to correct some of the grammatical and spelling mistakes. If possible, please suggest how to improve.

Please explain why homeschool was chosen for this student, and explain you homeschool philosophy.

I understand that homeschool is a very special way of learning and I know this is the method for her because of the numerous reasons. First of all, while in Dubai National School, her last official school, Angela did not like the school very much since she does not find the courses academically challenging or intellectually attractive. She said that everyday at school, where she can understand and finish the lesson much faster than others, the teacher is not willing to utilize the rest of her time teaching her something new because they can only teach at the rate which the whole class can understand. The teachers also opposed when she wanted to progress Arabic subjects from grade one to grade seven. Second, I was not able to afford all of her school fees due to her father's minute child support. In China, where the document has asked the father to pay enough amount of RMB for her daily need is merely enough for her life in the UAE; and as a single mother, I was not able to earn enough money to sent her to this (one of the most expensive) school. Third, during the summer of grade seven, I asked my daughter to try homeschool herself, which she did very well in.

Please explain the grading scale or other methods of evaluation:

The methods of evaluations are generally simple. With limited amount of resource, I always tested her using the questions in the textbooks. I would pick these questions at random, and set a time limit for any examination. Then, I would also be the one to supervise her during the tests, but after the test, she is the one responsible for correcting because my English is not very good. For questions that requires an explanatory answer, I would not be able to correct. Our term grades are generally simple, 70% of the marks come from the term exam and the rest of them come from the daily quizzes and other tests.

Undergraduate / 'figure skating since I was 12' - CommonApp Short Answer, "activity [4]

When commonapp asks us to write the short answer for the one of the elaborated activities, does that means all and any activity? I mean, can I write something like my favorite sport and my love for it?

Would anyone helped me to have a look at my prompts?

Now, I know I sound like every other girl, but since I was 12, figure skating has been one of my favorite activities. I skated and immediately loved it. Beyond the obvious fun, I learned about confidence, which is the first lesson my coach taught me. "Confidence is the key that separates excellent skaters and very good skaters. It's also the line that defines who you are. You remember that." I marked it down in my mind.

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