Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Divorced rates in Finland and Sweden in a bar chart [3]

Hello all,
Please check out the essay for me. I am sincerely thankful for anyone who can provide any advice or suggestions. If possible, please give me detailed marks and score the essay as well. Thank you so much.

QUESTION

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Divorce statistics in two Scandinavian countries

ESSAY

The given bar illustrates the percentages of divorce rates in two European nations (Finland and Sweden) between 2011 and 2015. Overall, the number of divorce rates in both countries were all over 30% during this five years. The data in Sweden were higher than in Finland despite a marginal dip in the year of 2015.

In 2012, it is notable that the percentage of divorce rate in Sweden reached a peak at approximately 50% indicating the largest gap of 17% in contrast to the number in Finland, with around 33% of divorce rate. Within this five years, the rates in Sweden were all roughly between 35% and 50%, while in Finland, the data was only in the range between 30% and 40%, implicitly showing that there were more divorced people in Sweden during the period.

However, the gap of the rates in those two countries had decreased by about 4% by 2015, with 37% in Sweden and 41% in Finland. The divorce rates, hence, were inclined to rise up in Finland, while the ones tended to decrease in Sweden.

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I am wondering
1. if there is any problem with my essay structure?
2. if the detail data is provided too less? For instance, I didn't write down every Sweden's percentage from 2011 to 2015 chronologically.

Please check this for me because I couldn't find any person around me to correct the essay or advise me. This website is the one I found that it might help me a lot.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task1 Ages of the populations in Yemen and Italy [4]

Hi everyone,
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.

Thank you so much.

I am wondering
1. whether using the future tense for the 2050 charts is correct?
because I use past tense for 2000 charts.
2. the word "represent" and "stand for " are used correctly?
3. if the essay structure should be revised?

ESSAY

number of younger and older citizens in two countries

The four given pie charts illustrate the percentages of the ages of the populations in two countries, Yemen and Italy, during the years of 2000 and 2050. Overall, there are three slices, representing 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years in each pie chart. In addition, the part of 15-59 years is the largest proportion among the three.

In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years in Yemen was just over half (50.1%) and the data of 15-59 years was 46.3%. The rest, standing for over 60 years, was only 3.6%. After 50 years, the slice of 0-14 years in Yemen will decrease to 37%, while the age from 15-59 years will rise up by 11% to 57.3%. The elderly, similarly, will increase to 5.7%.

In terms of Italian, the percentage of 0-14 years was much less in contrast to the part in Yemen in 2002, with only 14.3% of people. Approximately 61.6% of Italian, however, represented the part of 15-59 years, and 24.1% was the old people. A few changes are predicted to happen in Italy over the period from 2000 to 2050. 46.2% of Italian will be aged between 15-59 years. Surprisingly, the aged will rocket up to 42.3% ,whereas the youths at the age from 0 to 14 will be only 11.5%.

Sincerely thank anyone who gives me any suggestions beforehand.

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Writing Feedback / Purchasing other countries' products in the same place [3]

Hi everyone,

This is my first time writing IELTS task2. I really need your help to check out my essay. Although I have read many instructions online, I feel I still need to practice a lot. Please give me some advice and score the essay so that I can learn where I need to improve or change. Thank you so much in advance.

I am wondering
1. if my structure is correct?
2. if the ideas in the body paragraph is ok?
3. I wrote two paragraphs to support that it is positive, but don't know if it is okay without discussing the negative part?
4. I am really worried that what if I had no ideas once I saw the question while taking the exam. I have realized a big problem for myself. If I could not write any ideas out, what can I do? How to improve my brainstorming?><

QUESTION:

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

ESSAY

Interacting with different culture through the shoppings

With the technology improving, nowadays it is much more convenient to purchase other countries' products in the same place. Therefore, countries are becoming more and more similar. In my opinion, I believe the trend is a positive development.

Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere, the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact. People around the world can learn the diversity from different nations. For instance, every country has their own food culture, such as some special ingredients or the particular cooking approaches. Citizens are not like the people in the past who only know the world nearby them.

Other than that, the trend brings human beings far more convenient. If one person planed to travel to other countries, he would not have to bring all of his belongings or hometown's products along with him. This reduces a lot weight while traveling. For example, an Asian person can buy Chinese food or Asian traditional clothes in western nations and vise versa for westerners. People are pleased to experience this convenience all over the world nowadays.They do not have to travel back and forth between countries to acquire things they desire. In other words, people can also learn the difference culture in their country.

To sum up, I support the situation is positive. Interacting with different culture through this method through this method enhances people's knowledge and expand humans' horizon.