Writing Feedback / Should young people follow traditions of their society or be free to behave as they will? [3]

Hello everybody, this is my first post here! I would really appreciate if anyone can help me with correcting my essay. Thank you very much!

Q. Some people think that young people should follow traditions of their society, while others think young people should be free to behave as they will. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Do not limit young people

Raising children is always problematic and controversial, especially in terms of following traditions or being unlimited, while both views have their advantages and drawbacks. On my perspective, I suggest we should not focus on any side of them but find a balance between these two important ideas.

Traditional thinking can both benefit and limit us in many ways. Orthodox regulations or norms had been formed based on the wisdom of our ancestors in order to prevent unnecessary mistakes for happening again. Sometimes, this wisdom can help we spare time and energy. By contrast, it could be also detrimental if we overemphasize on the power of conventional ideas and be too dependent on them. That is to say, as the world is changing rapidly, we can hardly find any perfect indication which is suitable for every generation. Apparently, following traditions of young people's society is not the best option.

However, as encouraging young people to be free to behave as they will is not the truth as well, there are several reasons why I argue this view. Many people suggest that young people should not be limited by the orthodox norms when they are productive and creative. Whereas, I doubt this point of view can make the best of productivity and creativity. Because of without acquiring the lessons which antecedents had learned from the past, the youngs are more likely to undergo the same mistakes again, which is an unreasonable behaviour. Also, I do not think that anyone is allowed to forget or ignore the truth of who they are and where they come from.

To sum up, while traditions of our society and the creativity and productivity of young people are both vital elements of education, I disagree we should focus more on any side, instead, we should dedicate ourselves to balance these two ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2. Is 24-hour television a good thing? Or it may bring some harm. [3]

Q. In many countries, there are 24-hour TV programmes. Is it a positive or negative development?

Pros and cons of 24-hour TV programmes

Nowadays, 24-hour TV programmes have already become a part of our life all over the world, while a discussion has been ongoing regarding the advantages and disadvantages of this development. In this essay, I will elaborate the positive and negative influences which 24-hour TV programmes had on our lives.

There are certainly many positive impacts on our life after the introduction of 24-hour TV programmes. Firstly, as televisions are good tools for information spreading, there are so many TV programmes, such as news and weather forecast, aim to provide people useful information. Without these TV programmes, it would be extremely inconvenient for us to live. Next, governments can announce new policies through advertisement, which is a really efficient measure. By the same token, we can also acquire knowledge and some professional skills from several educational TV programmes, such as Discovery. And, of course, most of TV programmes are formed to amuse publics, in my view, it is really important for modern people. Last but not least, as the developing of 24-hour TV programmes, it provides tens thousands of job opportunities and boosts the economy.

By contrast, 24-hour TV programmes have affected our lives in a negative way for sure in many aspects. The crucial impact is on our health. I believe an increasing number of a sedentary lifestyle for the majority of people has something to do with the introduction of 24-hour TV programmes. People, in this day and age, tend to spend too much time sitting on a sofa and watching TV all day long. This phenomenon increases the risks of getting certain diseases, such as heart attack and obesity. Likewise, there are more and more inappropriate TV programmes for children. In order to raise income, so many unscrupulous TV companies seem to offer more exciting TV programmes which may include more violent and sexual scenes. This move might lead to wrong social values on children and create more turmoils.

To sum up, in every corner of this world, the development of 24-hour TV programmes has lots of positive and negative impacts on our lives, and I believe that my article provides vital facts of both sides.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: How do you judge the higher proportion of elder people in many countries? [3]

Q. The proportion of elder people in many countries is growing. Do you think it is a positive or negative thing?

aging population of the world recently

As the aging population is always an important and controversial issue all over the world, an increasing number of people discuss whether it is a positive trend or not. In my view, I consider this aging population issue as a negative impact on the world, and, in this essay, I will be presenting the supporting facts for each side before finally elaborating my personal opinion regarding the matter.

There is no doubt that older people can make contributions to the society in many ways. Firstly, as a general rule, when most of the elder people are more likely mature than the younger generation, older people are less inclined to commit crimes. That is to say, the aging population can reduce the rate of committing crimes. Next, older people tend to play a crucial role in supporting and maintaining social networks, especially between communities and families. This is due to the fact that they provide childcare, financial, emotional, and practical assistance to family members including helping people outside household with the tasks of daily living, when people, in this day and age, seem to prefer to interact with computers and smart phones more. Last but not least, when the proportion of elder people is growing, the job opportunities of looking after older people, such as long-term care, increase.

However, there are several reasons why I consider the aging population as a negative global issue. The main one is financial problems. Most people over the age of 65 in my country are retired, I believe that it because the productivity of those people is no longer surpass the ability to consume. Thereafter, most of these people rely on pensions and subsidies offered by the government to live without making contributions to our society. This phenomenon can bring a huge financial burden to our country. Also, the elder people are more vulnerable than the young, which means that older people may cause more spending in health services. And, sometimes, the significant expenditure on health care could be detrimental to a family.

To conclude, a discussion has been ongoing regarding aging population of the world recently. I believe this is a problematic and negative trend.