Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing Task 1 line graph: Crude oil prices US dollars per barrel [2]

prices of crude oil

The line graph illustrates the world's crude oil prices shown in US dollars per barrel between 1970 and 2005. As can be seen from the graph, prices of crude oil went up and down a lot during 35 years.

At the beginning of the period, crude oil was sold very cheaply but before Arab oil embargo in 1976, the price shot up from approximately 2 dollars to just over 10 dollars a barrel by 1974. From this point, there was a small increase to 12 dollars one barrel for the following 4 years before rocketing to well over 30 dollars per barrel when Iranian revolution happened. The crude oil price got higher to nearly 36 dollars when Iran - Iraq war occurred in 1980.

However, this did not last long and that number had dropped back to 12 dollars per barrel in 1986. Then, the price fluctuated a great deal for the next 14 years with its highest price during that time period was 20 dollars a barrel in Invasion of Kuwait. From 1998, the figure rose dramatically to 32 dollars in Second Gulf crisis and reached a peak of 50 dollars one barrel.

• 
  IELTSGraph5.png
  

Writing Feedback / Encouraging a sense of competition in children or teaching them cooperation? [2]

Competition or Cooperation?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete to become more useful adults.

Give reasons to support your opinion or include any relevant examples from your own experiences or knowledge.

In this day and age, while there is a growing belief encouraging a sense of competition in children is highly recommended, others voice their contrasting opinions expressing cooperation should be taught for them to become useful in the near future. To me, I prefer competition to cooperation as the benefit of competition in shaping a person to the best overweighs the point of learning from others in cooperation.

It is understandable that increasing cooperation among children can open their minds to approach others' sharing. As each individual is the unique one, cooperating is a good way to learn new things from others. Take myself as an example; last year, I had a chance to participate in HVIET, one of the most well-known summer camp in Vietnam. There I met a great number of excellent students from all over the country as well as gifted Harvard students. Though we divided into big groups in order to partake in mini-games, I did not feel competitive at all. Whatever the results of such games were, we created strong bonds in a team to do all tasks given together and made long-lasting friendships in order to exchange useful information and help each other to successfully achieve universities' targets.

However, I agree with the idea that a sense of competition prompts school children to develop to be better. In fact, being competed means having comparison with others and it is the sheer consequence that motivates a person to try their best to get perfection. My younger sister, for instance, has become a hard-working student thanks to competition she has experienced. When she attended primary school, her teacher awarded valuable books to whom attained mark 10 at three main subjects. At first, it was not straight-forward for her at all. However, when her friends made it, she was willing to concentrate on her study more than ever, which then not only brought her worthwhile rewards but also changed her characteristics positively in school work.

In conclusion, the feeling of competitive should be spread in children's learning environments more than cooperation for the aforementioned reasons.
(348 words)
I will be grateful to all of your remarks.Thank you. I am self-learning to get 6.5 or above in IELTS writing.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing Task 1 bar chart The average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different [3]

childcare, house work and gardening activities among married men and women

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown=
The bar chart compares how married male and female in three different categories spend hours on unpaid jobs at home, such as childcare, house work and gardening per week.

In general, no matter how many children a married woman has, she always works more unpaid hours per week than a man does.

As can be seen from the diagram, the number of unpaid hours of childless women overwhelms that of women with children. If a female without children averagely use up 30 hours a week doing home activities, that figure is almost twice in the case of the 1 to 2-child moms and 3-child moms for approximately 50 and 60 hours in respectively.

Looking at married men's data. While there is a comparable difference in time used on unpaid work at home between women of the three kinds aforementioned, men from all groups spend the same average amount of 20 unpaid hours.

(152 words)
P/s: I'm grateful for all of your responses. I'm really worried about my poor writing. I aim 6.5 in Ielts writing or above.

• 
  ieltsgraph4average.png