Writing Feedback / Free Art; positive artistic activities should always be encouraged [6]

Hello, everybody. I am preparing my IELTS exam these days and I am a little nervous about it. Since I have graduated for more than three years, I really need some help with my writing and I do appreciate your comments and suggestion. Thank you very much.

TOPIC: Creative artists should be given freedom to express their ideas (words, pictures, music and films. However some people think government should take some restriction with them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give your reasons with own knowledge and give examples.

Whenever we trace back the history of human civilisation, magnificent and breath-taking masterpieces in all sorts of patterns will definitely make us very much proud of our ancestors' power of imagination, innovation and creativity. However, whether creative artists should always be given the feedom to interpret their innovative thoughts into words, pictures, music or films, remains a controversial issue.

Although their rights to express their creativity should always be defended, artists are playing such an important role in society, especially among the adolescents, that somehow there should be government restrictions on what they create. Take the performing arts, behavioural arts to be specific, for example, which is now widespread through the Internet. Sometimes, the behavioural artists are going to far away from the bottom line of aesthetic values. Teenagers surfing on the Internet without parentally accompanied are simply exposed to some misleading images or videos which are usually hard for them to understand. Younsters see from these materials nothing but violence and pornorgraphy. On this kind of occasion, government restrictions are difinitely necessary to get involved.

In the meantime, however, there should be freedom to some extent for the artists to develop their creativity. The government should always spare no efforts to finance and thus encourage the artists to dedicate more endeavour to their creations. Our cities are in need of innovative architecture and sculptures. Human mind is in thirst of enlightening and think-provoking literature and music.

Creative, and more importantly, positive artistic activities, from my point of view, should always be encouraged. Government restrictions are, therefore, prerequisite to make sure that more civilasation legacies be left to our descendants rather than moral poisons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The Natural Resistance to Changes [6]

Dear EF_Friends, please give me some advice on my essay. Thank you very much for your help.

IELTS Writing Task 2.
People naturally resist making changes in their lives.
What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Although much has been written about how differences and freshness would make our lives more exciting and worth expecting, the reluctance to risk always makes people shut the door on changes instinctively. There are miscellaneous reasons to defend our refusal, but most of these are just too flimsy to excuse us.

Many people refuse to change because the reason for change is unclear. Take corporate reform as an example. Nobody is willing to give up a familiar and established work pattern as long as they are unaware of that the change is the prerequisite of a company's future success. The obvious answer is to eliminate the ambiguity through careful communication. By doing this, employers would salvage many good ideas from the resistance to change.

Some fears of change stem from the suspicion of the expected consequences. Imagine how common it is whenever a breakthrough is claimed in science and technology that it always advances along with doubts and criticisms. A suggestion is being open-minded as well as critical, which should be our attitude towards skepticism. Well, in this way, worries -- however sensitive and sometimes indispensable -- would remind rather than hinder the pioneers from shedding light on a better and easier life for all human beings.

A few of others avoid of changes simply because they fear of failure. Many a change does not promise a positive outcome assertively in the first place. Those who dare not take a risk to try always wait for victory without sacrifice. What if we specify the details of the whole changing process and quantify as realistic as the possible loss and potential success? It would be much easier for us to collect enough courage and stride out the first step.

Yes, we may find no difference, we may lose and life may become worse than before we made any change, but chances are that "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." Changes should be made with no fear but strong will to win.

Writing Feedback / IELTS [Chart Interpretation]:Domestic access to modern technology by residents of UK [7]

Dear friends, it seems we cannot incert any image here. But I do need help with my Task 1 writing, please give me some advice on the following report. I am sorry to make you through this kind of academic writing without the illustration chart :( But I do appreciate your time and patience a lot. Thank you.

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at leat 150 words.

The line graph analyses changes in proportion of four approaches to modern technology in British households from 1996 to 2003: CD player, mobile phone, home computer and Internet access.

Obviously, there was an upward trend in all four items involved, though the trend in mobile phone was rather erratic. To be specific, during this period, CD player had remained the most popular technological device in the UK among these four, with the largest proportiong rising steadily from 60% to about 83%. Likewise, a slight but solid increase in the percentage of home computer maintained from 30% in 1996/97 to approximately 55%.

A noticeable change could be seen in mobile phone ownership. In 1996/97, this new communication tool accounted for only less than one fifth percentage, which made it the least popular device at that time. However, there was staggering rise in its penetration over the following years, and the ownership finally ended up at 70% in 2002/03, overtaking home computer as the second most popular device.

Data of the Internet access have only been available since 1998, when it occupied a slice of 10% of the dommestic access to modern technology in British households. During the following half decade, the proliferation kept expanding and the figure almost quadrupled to nearly 50%.

Undoubtedly, according to the chart, modern technology is playing an increasingly important role in British daily life. (228 words)

P.S. 1. Can I regard the Internet access as a "device"?
2. Do I have to capitalize the first letter whenever using the word "Internet"?

Thank you very much.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS-TASK1] Progress Diagram of Seawater Desalination [6]

Dear friends, please give me some comments and advice on my writing practice. Thank you very much.

The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at leat 150 words. The link here may lead you to the chart: teachingmaterial.blog.sohu.com/148376350.html

The diagram describes various stages in seawater desalination, converting saltwater to freshwater to make it suitable for drinking.

First of all, raw water is intaken from the sea and then it passes through the pre-treatment filter, where large debris is removed and the backwash is sent back to the sea. The second step is to force the seawater to pass through a membrane at high pressure. At this stage, particles with larger molecules than water, such as impurities and salt, are screened before other purification steps. Such substances are assembled together with those from the first stage and returned to the sea. Following the physical purification is the chemical treatment. This process requires post-treatment with lime, chlorine and fluoride. The in coming water is chlorinated to minimize the growth of fouling organisms on the pipe-works and tanks. The purified water is subsequently stored in reservoirs and then distributed to integrated water supply system.

The processed water is clean and safe after the standard physical filtration and chemical purification.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS-TASK1]Bar Chart of the UK Economy Structure [3]

Dear friends, please help me with this chart interpretation. Thank you very much.

This graph below shows the contribution of three sectors -- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services -- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. The link here may lead you to the graph: teachingmaterial.blog.sohu.com/148333615.html

The bar chart describes changes in the percentage of three different sectors contributing to British economy in the last century: agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services.

According to the graph, the UK economic structure experienced a big shuffle during this period. Specifically, agriculture, although contributing to the largest proportion of British economy in the first half-century, saw a small increase from just below 50% in 1900 to about 52% in 1950, followed by a dramatic decrease in the following five decades. By the end of the twentieth century, this figure had dropped to only about two percent.

A similar downward trend can also be seen in the importance of manufacturing. The percentage occupying the UK economy descended steadily from around 45% in 1900 to approximately 17% in 2000.

On the contrary, the role played by business and financial services in the UK became increasingly important over the whole century. The increase remained at a staggering rate, which thrived from no more than three percent in the beginning of the century and ended at almost 35 percent in 2000.

To sum up, it is obvious that the contribution of business and financial services to the UK economy has far overweighed those of its counterparts.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS-TASK1]Bar Chart of the Welsh Highest Qualification 2001/02 [3]

Dear friends, please give me some comments on the report below. Chart interpretation really drives me crazy. I have to work really hard on this. Thank you for your help:)

The bar chart below shows the highest qualification attained by sex for the working age population in Wales in 2001/2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. This may link you to the reference graph: teachingmaterial.blog.sohu.com/148409511.html

This bar graph compares the male and female achievers of the highest qualification in percentage for the working age population in Wales in 2001 and 2002.

According to the statistics, about 13 percent of degrees or equivalent certificates were achieved by males, followed closely by 11 percent for females. Besides degrees, there were only a tiny minority of working population with higher education qualifications, with nine percent for men and almost ten percent for women.

With regard to the secondary education qualifications among Welsh workers, both GCE A level and GCSE grade A-C achievers saw a striking difference in gender. As for the former, men, considerably outnumbering the 15 percent achieved by women, took up almost 28 percent. However, when it comes to the GCSE grade A-C or equivalent, the pattern was totally reverse. There were nearly 30 percent female holders, followed by approximately 18 percent for their counterparts.

The figures of those with other qualifications were similar for both genders, whereas more females than males were working without any qualifications.

In general, it is obvious that more male than female population were holding a higher qualification in Wales.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS-TASK1]Multi-chart Music Preference [6]

Hi everyone, I just finished another one. Please give me some advice. Thank you very much!

The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company's international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. This is the relevant image's link: teachingmaterial.blog.sohu.com/148432372.html

The table provides a breakdown by selected music accesses surveyed in Tokyo, with the pie chart indicating the worldwide preference of live and recorded music among young people.

According to the table, males showed a much stronger interest in music than their female counterparts, except for the attraction to CDs, for which 19% males and 22% females voted respectively. As for live music, MP3-players and online music, girls' interests remained roughly balanced, with none of the figures higher than three quarters. By contrast, boys' preference of music access varies noticeably. Nearly four out of five boys voted for MP3-players, followed by 60% for live music, and slightly more than half boys enjoyed online music.

With regard to the pie chart, the inclination of live and recorded music saw a striking difference. A clearly 70% of the total preferred recorded music to live music, whereas more than one fourth favored the latter more. There were only a tiny minority of four percent respondents were still wrestling with their choice.

In conclusion, in Tokyo, boys' passion in music was much more prominent than girls', and the recorded music enjoyed an overwhelming popularity as the data presented globally.

Writing Feedback / 'students' interests in culture learning'; Learning A Language Through Culture [4]

Hi, everyone. Here's my essay on the task below. I was struggling with the structure of this one. I'm very grateful if you leave me some advice on grammars, expressions, and structure of the body part in particular. Thank you very much!

In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (≥250 words)

A most widely accepted view about language learning is that students should learn a language through the target culture. It goes without saying, language learning, at any rate, is culture learning.

It is, first and foremost, crucial to emphasize that learning a language is not simply tantamount to studying syntactic structures or memorizing new vocabularies and expressions. Language learning is comprised of grammatical competence, language proficiency, as well as culture competence, and so its intention is, or should be, to communicate effectively and minimize cross-cultural misunderstandings. For example, foreigners are not supposed to send Chinese people a green hat as present, because 'to wear a green hat' is the Chinese term for cuckold.

Hopefully, a student may find, in the foreign language classroom, teachers are intent to spotlight the context and circumstances under which the certain word or expression can be used accurately and appropriately. Rather than rote memorization, the wider and more vivid context to practice language with is, undeniably, society and culture outside the classroom. Some people complain that, while learning to count numbers in Chinese, their Mandarin teachers never told them to skip the numbers of 4, 13 and 14, when counting the floors of a building in Shanghai, because they are very unlucky numbers according to the local culture.

For many language learners, the very most interesting part of language learning is digging the cultural implications underneath. Culture, that is to say, the customs, habits, and folklore of everyday life, in return, helps people to understand the certain terms or idioms and then use properly and wisely.

From all above, it is evident that, much as culture learning has gained insights into effective communication, we should undergird and inspire students' interests in culture learning while teaching the language.

Writing Feedback / A Country's Development Should Thrive on Education [5]

Hi, everybody. This is a freshly finished piece. I am longing for all kinds of comments and advice. Be harsh. Thank you very much.

IELTS Topic: Some people say the development of a country mainly depends on education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (≥250 words)

A quick glance at the Human Development Index, or any other lists of Developed Countries -- it will not be difficult to find out: the wealthier the country is, the more they care about their education, or, the more they emphasize their education, the stronger a country's economy is. This is just honestly true: education pilots a country's future.

People may argue about natural resources, because a country can base the natural riches on its soil. But that is not all. It is the men who turn these riches to good account that promise the country to thrive. A good example here might be the important role played by Japan's education system in its postwar recovery. Thanks to the successful education reform carried out in the postwar period, Japan, one of the few countries meagerly endowed with natural resources, witnessed the fastest economic growth in the decades following the World War II. Today, Japan is not just ranked as a most developed country but famed for the large number of highly educated population.

People may urge to prioritize industry, since industrialization is the shortest way to economic progress. But the development of a country is never a one-day homework. When looking at the long-term effects of education, we have to admit that it is the educated and skilled workforce that fuels industries and manufacturing. Even when we date back to the very beginning of Industrial Revolution, it is James Watt's invention of steam engine that kindled the flame of an era. Knowledge is always power.

Some day natural resources might be dried up, but nor should the human intelligence; some day industrialization might be accomplished, but nor should technologies; because human mind shall never stop thinking, and the importance of education shall never be overemphasized. (296 words)

P.S.
I have some confusions while writing this. Some of the expressions and words just suddenly hit my mind, subcouscious thing, but when I hovered on a second thought, they seemed not used correctly. Besides all the other comments, please give me some advice particularly on the following items:

1). I start the second and third paragraphs with "People may". Is this correct? Or shall I just use "Some people may"? I want to try something different.

2).



As highlighted above, these two sentences all start with a "but". I was told never to start a sentence with either "but" or "and" at school. Well, this is not true, right? I read a lot of academic writing and novels written by native speakers starting sentences with these two words. Please convince me that my former knowledge is wrong.

3).


About this, can I say "Japan, one of the few countries desperate for natural resources"? Is it inappropriate in academic writing?

4).


it is? it was?
Excuse me. I think I have good reason to use present tense, just cannot convince myself:(
Still this one. Can I say "It is James Watt's invention that steam-engined the whole world"?

Tell me everything.

Thank you with all my heart. Good night.