Writing Feedback / The bar chart demonstrates a brief view of the percentage of Australians who exercised regularly [3]

Percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activity

The given bar chart demonstrates a brief view of the percentage of Australian men and women in various age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. It is obvious to see that the ratio between these two genders is consistent and does not have dramatic gap.

Overall, the percentage of Australian females is higher than the males in most age groups, except for the group of 15 to 24 years old in which the ratio of females to males is 47.7 : 52.8. We can assume that after the age of 25, women in Australian are reported to do more regular physical activity than men.

To be detailed, the most noticeable gap between the percentages of females and males in doing physical work regularly happens to be in the age group of 35 to 44 years old which is about 13%, making it the biggest gap. The smallest gap would be in the age group of over 65 years old, which is just 1%.

To conclude, it can be said from the bar chart that the percentage of Australian men and women doing physical work regularly in 2010 is fairly even.

P/S: Thank you for spending time checking my essay as I really appreciate! I haven't write any Ielts essay for quite a long time so the quality is not very good. But if you are an Ielts examiner or were an Ielts examiner, may I ask if you can give me score to reflect on this essay so I can improve myself more? Thank you very much!

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Writing Feedback / Important information should be shared freely. Yes or no? [3]

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Sharing information

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Information has been a key issue nowadays due to its power. The one who keeps in hand the largest amount is eventually considered to be the most powerful. This leads to a debatable question: whether we should spread freely all the information or keep it in private for the sake of peace and power. In this essay, I will try my best to give a general view of both sides.

These days, people are claiming that sharing information creates educational communities. Living anywhere, global citizens can learn from others and can give away what they know. Balancing the world of information, this stimulates creativity and competitiveness, especially among the youths. Young people will then create new ideas, keeping up and enhancing the innovation. This, undoubtedly, leads to a better world. After all, everyone deserves to be aware of what is going on around them. Huge impact can come from the smallest pack of data.

On the other hand, spreading information freely can lead to potential danger. Indeed, those who have anti - ethical purposes can also learn the information and utilize it to fulfil their own aim. For example, terrorists are the ones we should keep an eye on as the threats they make may result in great loss, which we have already witnessed from the past. Thus, this explains partly why there are opinions stating that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. The less information can reach those who have such intention, the safer, they believe, the world is.

To conclude, debatable as it seems, the question can not be answered in the exact right way. However, in my opinion, I would take the side and say that information should be shared freely. I believe in the rapid progress humanity will make if this move is set, and dangers can slowly be pushed away.

P/S: Thank you for spending time reviewing my essay. May I ask, how can I reduce the amount of words in this essay? It actually exceeded way too much and seems to be wordy. I want to know how I can write shortly but still effective. Thank you!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Maps comparison the changes in the Islip Town [3]

Islip town centre

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for the its development. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given maps depict two versions of Islip town centre: the one in the mean times and the one which is planned for its development. Overall, it is clear to see the most noticeable change will be the new construction of a dual carriageway around the town centre, in replace of the one way road.

To be more detailed, the shops on the north side of the main road will be replaced by various new areas: bus station, shopping centre, car pack and new housing, while the shops on the other sides will be kept. Next, the main road will be changed into the pedestrians-only road in the middle of the town centre. The park area will be minimised in the planned development.

Besides changes, the school is seen to be kept in the plans for development, with a little extended area. Housing in the southern part of the town centre will be kept, with an addition of new housing nearby the park.

Thank you very much for spending time reviewing my essay!

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