Scholarship / Renewable energy - Study goal - Posco Asia Fellowship [6]

Thank you for the feedback. It helps me a lot. @mad_amran @Holt

Writing Feedback / The differences in wheat exports among Australia, Canada and European Community from 1985 to 1990 [5]

In the first paragraph, called intro, where you paraphrase the graph's title, you can use place, time, unit, subject and chart type to make the paraphrase easier. example: use "between 1985 and 1990" instead of from 1985 to 1990"

The second paragraph consists of the overview of the graph by mentioning the highest (peak), the lowest and unique and noticeable data. I can't see the overview of your work. Maybe this is "Overall, it is clear (...) and fluctuation" I think this needs more explanation.

The third and fourth paragraph is consist of the main body where you explain the data. Since this graph shows a dynamic: multiple time frame, it is better to explain it chronologically.

This is just based on my experience of learning, and I hope it helps you.

Writing Feedback / The graph and table give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 country. [3]

The intro said "between Brazil and Congo in 2000," but in the overview, I see it from 1990 - 2000 even you explaining the data from 1990.

In your overview, it is too general. Maybe not just explain the rise of an average of global water use and describe the most and the least sector that uses water in 1990 and 2000.

Since there is no image, it is very limited in how to respond to this.

Scholarship / Renewable energy - Study goal - Posco Asia Fellowship [6]

My goal for continuing my study in Korea is to learn High Entropy Alloys (HEAs). "Everything is made of something," and we called that something is material. Every new material brings us to the new age of technology: stones ages, iron ages, bronze ages. From this, we can see the importance of the material in our history. The new era of technologies always starts with the new material that can sustain the technologies leap. More diverse research about materials is held to support the need for the latest technologies (e.g., metals, polymers, ceramics, liquid crystals, composites).

Interestingly, the new metal material called High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) emerges from material and science engineering research in 2004 by professor Jien-Wei Yeh. In the last few years, High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) have become one of the most popular research areas because the material shows an outstanding mechanical property for the future of material. However, there is not much research on this material in Indonesia because of many other reasons like technical difficulty, experience, and fundamentals understanding. In this case, Korea is one of the countries focusing on finding new material for the future with much more research and knowledge. I am interested in prof Hyoung Seop Kim from POSTECH (Pohang University of Science and Technology), Structural Nano Metals Processing Lab. Prof Hyoung Seop Kim is a pioneer researcher in High Entropy Alloys (HEAs). From the paper by prof Hyoung Seop Kim that I have been read. He is researching how to strengthing the High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) using severe plastic deformation, annealing, hot rolled, cold rolled, the addition of another element ( Co, Si, and V), and high-pressure torsion.

The research paper by prof Hyoung Seop Kim mostly tries strengthing the High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) from the inside by making the best grain possible. In this case, I propose strengthing the material from the outside. I am planning to fuse two materials by gluing the material together. This kind of approach, not something new, and this kind of material is called Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs). This material uses aramid, carbon, and glass and combines them with metals in the hope of eliminating the weakness of both materials by completing each other. So I propose to use Carbon Fiber Reinforced Polymer (CFRPs) and High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) by directly bonding them using adhesive. I am not strange with this kind of approach because I have experience with Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs). Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs) is my topic in my undergraduate research, but I am using aluminum as the metal. By combining these two materials, I hope to get new material for the future to sustain our needs in many sectors.

@Holt
I already fix it, and feedback will be appreciated.

Writing Feedback / Profit from movie genres - BAR GRAPH [4]

First, the graph did not show the course of 10 years because the data show a specific year in the span of 10 years.

"money earned from the drama ..."

You use too much chronological explanation on the data, but you should the comparison. Because of that, the body paragraph feels lacking.

Writing Feedback / [ Writting Task 2 ] Rent vs Own: Pros and Cons [4]

I will commend the grammar, and I see you make any mistake in the article.

"... become a spiritual happiness"
"With a house, they ..."
"... in many Asian's nations"
"there exists some ..."
"the price of a house has ..."
"it becomes a difficulty for people,..."
"... to change their accommodations ceaselessly"