Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 . The process details the process of making smoked fish [2]

The diagram depicts how smoked fish is produced.

Looking at the first glance, it is apparent that the manufacturing process of smoked fish contains twelve steps, which begins with catching fish in the ocean and culminates in selling the final prodcust at fishshop.

At first, the huge amount of fish is caught by the net in the offshore area then it is transported to the port by specialized boat. From this point, fish is frozen in a functional container and then later undergone a thawing process inside fresh water. After that, thawed fish is cut open to get cleaned

Those oceanic creatures are then soaked in the solution of salt water and yellow coloring. After a specific amount of time, the fish turns yellow and is then smoked in specialized device. The prodcuts of the previous step are then packed into carton boxes and frozen under 0 celcius degree. Frozen boxes are then stored in cold condition and distributed to retailing stations such as fishshop sell.

Undergraduate / A bucky badger - why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison [2]

A bucky badger

Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, please include why you are interested in studying the major(s) you have selected. If you selected undecided please describe your areas of possible academic interest. (you may enter up to 650 words).

I am a bucky badger: born in October, fierce, determined and persistent. Throughout my childhood, I "experienced" many obstacles, ranging from birth defects to family bankrupts, all of which made me even stronger and more persistent in studying hard and achieving knowledge not only from school but also from the surroundings. I always do my best to complete a task, regardless of its importance. My friends call it fastidious but I prefer calling it conscientious. I had witnessed my family and relatives drowning in debt due to lack of skills in managing personal expenditure and relying on only one source of income. At that time, they didn't have enough money. Since then, I have determined to pursue a career path of business, especially in finance. For finance is about managing currency flow: investing, risking, forecasting, I believe I will use finance in general and what I learn at School of Business at University of Wisconsin Madison to help my relatives and others in need having a better management of their incomes and uplift many lives through forms such as insurance and consulting. Additionally, every industry from pharmaceutical field to military forces needs a financialist to set a right direction for a company to invest in. Those reasons above make me really passionate about finance.

I believe that University of Wisconsin Madison would give me the greatest abilities to uplift people in my community. Firstly, I chose University of Wisconsin Madison for its location. Its location is very peaceful with the river bank. Although it is not chaotic as many other universities located in the center, I still manage to find big-city opportunities, as mentioned " this is where big-city opportunities meet small-town conveniences". As a person who loves a peaceful life but still having chances for development, University of Wisconsin Madison seems to be a perfect choice. Secondly, with its deep involvement with companies in general through The Office of Business Management or with companies in the finance field through the Women in Finance and Accounting organization, University of Wisconsin Madison hooks me up. Thirdly, the curriculum also brings me benefits. The ability to learn humanities, literature, social science, as well as communication will help me effectively exchange ideas with a broader background. It definitely allows me to become an outstanding financialist. Moreover, First-year Interest Groups (FIGs) in first-year are a plus point. As changing into an environment that totally differs from high school, international students like I may have a difficult time to fit in. The FIGs might help the problem out since it provides class 20 or fewer students, meaning that I will have more time and connections within friends in FIGs and that we could help each other and make our first semester easier. Additionally, the interdisciplinary contents that FIGs provides will help me learn in a more holistic and interesting way throughout 4 years at University of Wisconsin Madison ( if I would be accepted). For all of the reasons above, besides statistical reasons, I believe that University of Wisconsin Madison is definitely my right decision.

It takes more than just hard work to become an excellent financialist or and a financial consultant, but with an outstanding education and opportunities University of Wisconsin Madison, along with my academic qualities and personal strength, it can be totally achieved. To be honest, it is ridiculous to expect to be a master in this field within 4 years, but I will try my best to study and to be relentlessly curious, by learning hard both inside and outside the classrooms, both by professors and by colleagues, and never stop self-learning.

(Word count : 599)

Undergraduate / At Fordham, we expect students to care for and engage with their communities. [2]

At Fordham, we expect students to care for and engage with their communities.

Please share a specific instance in which you challenged yourself or stepped out of your comfort zone in order to be an advocate for your community (for example, your family, friend group, high school, or town). Please provide an example that illustrates a facet of yourself that we would not find anywhere else in your application

I used to be a cynical girl. I used to believe everybody was bad and unbelievable. I used to be careless and care only for myself.

Then, my mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. My family was drowning in depression. I was shocked and had multiple fears. That was the first time I actually feared a thing. My mom would die if I did not do anything to boost her mood. I started to find ways to improve the situation.

I chose to transfer positive energy since a cancer patient's mental health is very important to cure cancer. I said loving words, took her to her favorite showcases, and asked my brother to study seriously. All I wanted was to make her feel comfortable and happy.

Since then, radiating positive energy has been my signature, as my way to keep my mom alive and find a new normal life.

Undergraduate / The Craft - Using your volunteer/work experiences, describe the topics or issues that you [2]

SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY PROMPT

" How shameless are you to distribute the most difficult work to me and then give to her the easy one" or "I will not work for you anymore because you are very strict in checking quality" - said some weaving team leaders of mine.

Those are what I heard the most when commencing The Hyacinth Craft.

I co-founded The Hyacinth Craft - a company trading handcrafted interior pieces made from water-hyacinth. My main motive besides gaining profit is to uplift many unlucky people by providing them job opportunities.

Our team managed around 100 part-time and full- time weavers from different backgrounds including disabilities -a half-amputated foot and a transplanted hand- as well as orphaned juvenile workers.

Due to the weaving job's characteristics, the quality of the product deeply depends on the worker's craftsmanship and working attitude. There are workers who are skilled and responsible but there are some who are irresponsible and strive to make as many products as they can. The latter always results in products not up to quality since the standard for exported products is very high.

Once, when I rejected unqualified products, which are displayed clearly in contract, some of them behaved aggressively with swearing and threatened not to work with us again. I was touched because this was a business partnership in which they gained a significant amount and my goodwill seemed to go nowhere. As I am passionate about seeking stimulants behind each person's action to provide efficient solutions and love communicating with others, I talked to each person who negatively reacted to their rejected products.

After minutes of sharing, I figured out that they required respect from a gracious voice; then I adjusted my tone and simply explained that if our products are qualified, customers could sell their products and they will come back to us to repurchase and we will have income. After detailed explanation, I turned to the solutions. Sticking to the core spirit - supporting as much as possible, I offered 75% sponsor for this first and very last time. If this happens the second time, they should be fully responsible.

During the process of seeking solutions to specific difficulties while commencing the company, I realized that people are the core component making one organization successful. AI needs humans to be created. Line production is made, repaired and developed by humans. Excellent data managing systems are made by people and only people can interpret and realize the data. Since then, strategies focusing on training humans, changing workers' attitudes in organization, sharing profits, knowledge and responsibility and enhancing unity within the company are my main concerns.

Besides, I didn't want to squeeze the price, for their weaving efforts should be paid appropriately. For that reason, during the procedure of evaluating the product price and contract negotiating, I stumbled across many difficulties. There are some people who abuse my kindness and push up the price which is unacceptable. How should I bargain to have a win-win deal ? Understanding human psychology and each worker's position of thinking could help me with sơvling human resources related problems. Comprehending labor relations could also help me with employee engagement, satisfaction and retention besides financial issues. I believe that ILR school could give me the greatest opportunity to develop my management strategies and accelerate workers' welfare via Collective Bargaining and Psychology courses.

Growing up in a dynamic with people coming from various backgrounds with distinctive characteristics , I realized that the more I cared about their life, fostered their strengths and secured their wealth, the more they could contribute to the wealth of the organization. Several steps have been made as indicated above to serve my main concerns but those are not enough. I believe that ILR school could give me the perfect tool to uplift many lives in my homeland via human related developments within business giving them job opportunities.