Writing Feedback / An IELTS about ads targeting younger and younger children [3]

There are many advertisements directed at children, such as snacks, toys and other goods. Parents argue that children are under pressure. Advertisers claim that the advertisements provide useful information.

Nowadays, advertisers are increasingly targeting younger and younger children in an effort to establish "brand name preference" at as early an age as possible. Parents are concerning about the negative effects of advertising on children, while advertisers claim that they provide significant information. From my perspective, I fully support the parent's opinion.

To begin with, a recent research has shown that young children are cognitively and psychologically defenseless against adverting. They do not understand the notion of intent of sell and frequently accept advertising claims at face value. Increasingly, fast food companies are using toy tie-ins with major children's motion pictures to try to attract young people. Several studies document that young children request more junk food after viewing commercials.

According to a survey conducted by Harvard University, young people view more than 40,000 ads per year on television alone and increasingly are being exposed to advertising on the internet, in magazines, and on TV. This exposure may contribute significantly to childhood obesity, poor nutrition, and cigarette and alcohol use. Exposure to tobacco adverting may be a bigger risk factor than having family members and peer who smoke and even undermine the effect of strong parenting practices. Besides, beer ads are commonly shown during sports events and seen by millions of children, creating both brand familiarity and more positive attitudes toward drinking in children.

What's worse, another area of sensitive advertising content involves commercials for violent media products such as motion pictures and video games. Such ads contribute to a violent media culture which increases the likelihood of youngster's aggressive behavior. And which may lead to lethal social problems like teenager crime.

To sum up, considering the detrimental effects of most ads on children, it's noncontroversial and would be essential to teach young people to become critical viewers of advertising in all forms.

Letters / Letter of Motivation for applying Computer Science related fields [4]

Please gimme some suggestions, I appreciate ur efforts!

Dear Sir or Madam:
My purpose for applying to this master program is to both expand on my solid education and to create more opportunities for myself in the future. I wish in particular to be trained at an advanced level in distributed systems, database systems and data mining. My ultimate goal is to become an expert in constructing and designing large distributed systems in Chinese industry. I believe that advanced training in a graduate program of good quality will realize my dream.

As a highly motivated undergraduate majoring in Software Engineering at XXX, I have gained distinctive academic results, hands-on experience in different research areas and leadership skills. With my three years' consistent efforts and keen interest, my GPA (87.1/100) ranked the third among 91 students of my same grade. Besides courses listed on my transcript, I did a lot of experiments in relation to these courses. My outstanding academic performance won me acceptance into a competition project which was an embedded system for automatic drive vehicle model. Due to my comprehensive specialized knowledge, I was appointed as the team leader. My duty was to implement GIS on PC and to develop network communication module between PC and the smart car model. Through 4 months' hardworking, I dug out the well performed solution and we won the 2nd prize in the National College Students Programming Competition at last. Later, I was involved in a graduate research team which mainly focused on data retrieving. Together with my adviser and my fellows, I spent numerous hours in the laboratory studying papers, experimenting new ideas and evaluating results. These days had given me an insight into the methodology of conducting research. During my internship in XXXX Co. Ltd., my quick learning and hard working also impressed the project manager. These experiences solidly equip me for my graduate study. Furthermore, as a class president and the president of Youth Volunteer Association in CS department, I have taken the initiative to organize numerous meetings and activities, such as the May Day chorus competition of school and the donation collection to deaf mute children.

My passion for Information Technology was not limited to a narrow range. My interest in distributed computing began from two years ago, when I got to know it from the Distributed Computing Information Forum in Chinese. Fascinated by the relevant projects such as GIMPS and SETI@Home, I have picked up some theoretical foundations about this field. By implementing distributed computing, we can make the full use of PC's resources to conduct massive computation in a cheaper and higher efficiency way. But I know that there are some fundamental challenges faced by this technology like fault-tolerance. To be sure, China still pales in this area of research and application in comparison with most of the western countries. And yet, it is such a promising area. It is an ideal research area for aspiring computer scientists to keep current with the latest technologies and to make innovations.

I wish to delve deeper into the subjects to be able to carry out independent research and analysis and to follow it up with a PhD or serve in a research institution. My long-term goal is to be an expert in distributed systems and to aid the development of this area in China. I am aware that my knowledge pertaining to large-scale distributed system is so insufficient. It is essential that I should fill in the gaps in my knowledge of in parallel and distributed computing, and performance measurement.

The desire to acquire these skills is one reason why I am attracted to the SEDC program. The XXX Uni. is well known for its excellence in the information and communication technology field, complete with an accomplished faculty and modern research resources. I am also attracted by the program's inventiveness and uniqueness. With students from various nations, it provides its students with a good chance to learn from different cultures.

I am confident that I will match the high standards set by your university and I will be able to greatly contribute to the program. For all these reasons, I strongly aspire to secure admission to purse graduate studies, with adequate financial assistance in your program.

Scholarship / SOP for Scholarship (CS field) [4]

This is only a scholarship essay. The graduate program application is another one. I wonder whether it is persuadable sounds to you. Grammatical corrections and good suggestions are always welcomed!

Dear Sir or Madam:

'For Knowledge Itself Is Power'. This is one of my favorite precepts and at this point in my life when I am about to complete my graduation. My future spreads in front of me like a dream; this adage has never influenced my life more than this before. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.

From my learning process, I have developed a firm belief in consistent hard work all along my undergraduate study. I have tried my best to be the top student in every class I attend. I have gained distinctive academic results and received consecutive scholarships for all four years, including a National Scholarship. During my undergraduate study, I acquired various programming languages, intensive theories and technologies like C++, Java, J2EE, .Net, Perl, Python, Ruby, SQL, Linux, Design Patterns and Computer Networks. As a research assistant and a leader of Embedded System Group in CS department, I have gained a lot of project experience. The projects I conducted include GIS, asynchronous communication software, and data mining. Now I am developing a Video Vertical Search-Engine funded by [ ], a well known company in [ ]. In retrospect, my work load is always heavy but it is worth my time of effort. Presently, I have both adequate theoretical understanding and rich programming experience.

The hands-on experience in so many different areas has endowed me with strong sensitivity to changes and progress in computer science, particularly to problems that arise out of routine work. As undergraduate students seldom get to be involved in actual research, I took full advantage of the opportunity of working in the lab. I particularly enjoyed the seminars held twice a week as part of the lab work. At these seminars, I engaged in in-depth discussions with master's students and professors. I am known among the group for my ability to ask the right questions at the right moment, especially when dealing with DB, algorithm design and the Internet.

Through my lab experience and other research, I have developed a long-term professional objective: the advancement of the grid computing. While I have strong faith in this technology, I also know its limitations as it is today. Programming parallel computers is now still a manual work and the fault tolerance in large scale distributed systems.

To help take the grid computing and the concurrent programming beyond what is capable of today, I have to undertake more advanced studies. This, I believe, can only be accomplished in a quality graduate program like yours. With the training that goes into such an advanced degree, I think I will be able to take great strides towards fulfilling my professional objective. Determination, dedication and confidence, these are the qualities that I developed over the years on the running track. These are also the same qualities that I will bring to more challenging work ahead of me as I seek to pursue my further studies in the Science Faculty of [ ]. Receiving this scholarship will be the defining moment in my education that will change my whole life and a powerful push towards my dream. (Better expression?)

Yours sincerely,
Leonardo