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Posts by nannna
Joined: Nov 28, 2009
Last Post: Jan 2, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 12  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 15
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nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Miss Natasha, My chiropractor - UC Prompt Number 1 and 2 ! [11]

Please give feedback~

Describe the world you come from and how it has shaped your aspirations

"Miss Natasha! Napoleon smeared poop on the bathroom walls again!" little Jamal yells excitedly as he welcomes me.

As I arrive at Up On Top nonprofit program for underprivileged kids, I am mobbed by these friendly devils. This may not seem like a fun way to spend my summer or every Tuesday afternoon during the school year, but my passion for developmental psychology made me want to experience working with different types of children; despite the smell of excrement and numerous lice outbreaks, I love my job.

Living in a highly sheltered environment, I had never experienced the "real" Tenderloin, a low-income section of San Francisco. As I heard news of the area's violence and crime, I wondered how the children were affected. I found out. Third-grader Napoleon misses his incarcerated mother and had below-average reading skills; Brandon and Jonathan, who only speak Spanish, stayed within the confines of each other's arms; and Jamal, the smallest, whose size was not a result of genetics, but due to malnutrition because his homeless mother can only afford scraps for him to munch on.

I was shocked. These sweet, young kids-despite their occasional mischief-had already experienced such hardships. And as Jamal proudly declares his future as exactly like his recently-shot-gangster-brother, I decided I had to show him another possible path, one different from the one he imagined himself in.

From then on, my work enthralled me. I researched Spanish phrases for the twins and made PBJ sandwiches for Jamal. I became the goofy, trustable buddy during playtime and the serious, strict teacher during lessons. I learned to effectively communicate with them and use calming techniques when they got frustrated or upset, and worked with them through problems of abuse and bullying. I taught them the importance of nutrition, stretching, and on battling the infamous childhood enemy: vegetables (pinch your nose and swallow). Eventually, I saw the little differences I made: Jamal, who could barely get on the swing at the beginning of the summer could now swing independently; Brandon and Jonathan were finally discovering the world outside of their own and making friends; and Napoleon could finally read a book by himself. I was astounded that within weeks, a child could change so significantly.

In truth, I did not care about the money I received to help these kids, I could have come solely for the children. I love spending time with them; feeling connected to them while my heart bursts with pride watching them grow, knowing that I had aided in their conquests. Mentoring these kids reaffirmed my aspiration to be a child psychologist, to help children in need and to know that I can make a difference in their lives.

My experience at Up on Top shaped not only my world, but my outlook of it. I learned that in the real world, not every child receives as many opportunities as another, but that it is our job to lend a hand and make a difference. I choose psychology to make that difference. One person can change the world, one poop-smearing kid at a time.

talk about a personal quality or experience and how it relates to who you are today

Every once in a while, I find myself trying to get out of bed only to find out: I can't. This is not because of laziness or because of late-night studying, but because I am in too much physical pain to get up. While all the other kids ran, I slowly crawled up the school stairs, my body bent and huddled, hoping that the next step would be the last. I went through ten doctors and three countries before I was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis and congenial disc degeneration: a condition where my soft shock-absorbing, compressible spinal discs separating the bones of my spine are drying out.

Raised as a tom-boy who loved winning in the yearly "mile-run" and anticipated lapping all the other swimmers, I was disappointed and angry when I found out about my condition. Suddenly, all the things that had made me happy were taken away for "my own good." Although I understood my mother's concern over my health, I did not understand why I had to quit what I loved and so I continued swimming-my favorite of all sports. But eventually, repetitive inflammation of my discs made it painful for me to even walk a block without having to book an appointment with my chiropractor, forcing me to resign from anything physical. That was a dark, nihilistic day for me. I admit, I was slightly jealous of my "normal" twin sister, who could run and ice skate without fear of spending the next day crawling up the stairs in agony, and it was embarrassing having to tell my pity-filled teachers why I missed school.

Despite this "curse" or draw of bad luck, I've learned to make the most out of my condition. I began enjoying my weekly sessions with my chiropractor, an intellectual who loved to pass her medical knowledge onto me while my face was smashed against the table being worked upon. In fact, my disadvantaged state allowed me to develop many important skills: I became comfortable in communicating with my teachers and developed a sense of responsibility as I found ways to make up my missed work (for example, making up classes during my lunch hour). I am now also good at handling unexpected encounters and being calm during an emergency and have learned to be more perceptive, adaptive, and understanding of people's needs. Most of all, I found my biggest love-which doesn't require running-photography.

In truth, my disability has not made me bitter or spiteful of the world. I fully acknowledge that sometimes I do have to try a little harder to get up or push a little harder as I trudge to my next class but I do not let anything get in my way of life. I learned that there is a solution to every problem; the world can only be improved once a person accepts their situation. Though I might not live like a normal child, I am certainly a happy one. My condition is only a disease I have to accept as part of who I am. And frankly, I love who I am.
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / UC 1: My world is a fishbowl [4]

very nice ending, i feel that it is strong and leaves an impression. i like your whole extended metaphor to the fish. but i would like to see more about YOU.

Ever since, its slow and steady change I began to realize that there was an ocean out there, waiting for me.

The people, the food, and the culture took some time getting used to, and I had a new family.

the "and i had a new family" part seems like it was just attached. so find a way to integrate it more to flow?
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Miss Natasha, My chiropractor - UC Prompt Number 1 and 2 ! [11]

dman: thank you for the tip !! i shall add a couple more sentences to photography :d

HARU:

aa!! doomo arigatou gozaimasu ! thank you for the suggestion ~ ahaha i love traveling too in fact, ill be going to japan again this summer to visit all my host buddies YAAAAAAAAY (im a travel freak, really).

and good luck on your college, i am very sure you will do well (:
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Describe the world you come from - UC essay - Indonesia [5]

oiyoooooooo. ini bagus !

chumang nya..

it seems as though your essay focuses a tinsy bit too much on the little boy and the "story." i like the story, but shorten it a bit, and talk more about yourself and your realization. extend on how that made the person you are
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "Beakers and flask" - Common Application - Extracurricular Short Answer/Essay [2]

Beakers and flasks encompass the walls around me. Chemicals, both inert and toxic, are encased in glass only a few feet away, waiting to be prepared into unknowns ( a bit confusing wording, i sugguest thinking aobut word choice) for the anxious chemistry students.

but we slave on, measuring and naming unknowns, blocking out all extraneous noise.

Pestilent Peter and Noxious Nancy accumulate, entrapped inside vial walls , resting for a while, until an unsuspecting student seizes hold of them.

aha i was so confused for a second cuz i didnt realize that Pestilent Peter and Noxious Nancy were, in fact, chemicals. so maybe make that a bit clear? unless im a real dummy.. ^^ though now that i look at it, i like how you personify these acids.

Just as Noxious Nancy and Pestilent Peter, many other unknowns passed through my hands and it was through my passion for chemistry and determination to get any job done, that I succeeded as a chemistry lab assistant.

hm... i get the whole narrative part, but the last sentence "it was through my passion for chemistry and determination to get any job done, that I succeeded as a chemistry lab assistant." does not seem to flow and seems hastily thrown in at a last effort to make a point. i suggest minimizing descriptive (no matter how wonderful they are), and devote a couple more sentences in talking about how it relates to you and how important it is.
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App-- short activity! Photography [4]

hii!

i need feedback because im not sure if im going the right way... Thank you! i will read and edit your essays if you read mine

150 words

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

"A little closer to each other please. Yup, feel free to give her a quickie!"

As my sister helped act as the decoy photographer, I slowly, like a lion hunting its prey, maneuvered myself to the side, watching, waiting for the exact moment when they would expose their true nature.

The bride and groom looked at each other, unaware of their approaching hunter, laughing as though they had their own secret, their own world.

CLICK.

And there you have it, another piece of art completed.

I believe that photography has the ability to capture the hidden soul, the subtle emotions, and the beauty of an action. Capturing that "perfect" moment in photography, not staged, but natural, gives me a rush of adrenaline. I am happy knowing that I have helped expose another couple's emotions toward each other. And that, is the true purpose of photography.
nannna   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Personal Statement Prompt 2 about Badminton [7]

very nice. i Like your style or writing ! the detail you weave into your narrative is really very good.

but, it seem as though your story overpowers your own "realization" and you as an individual. I would consider shortening parts of the story and adding a bit more about you. After all, the reader wants to read about YOU, not the story your in.
nannna   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Miss Natasha, My chiropractor - UC Prompt Number 1 and 2 ! [11]

aha thanks (:

hmm well my friend and i are planning to explore japan by ourselvles which includes going to ehime ( i have cousins that run an inn there) and osaka to visit her host mom (she was in osaka last summer for 4 weeks and LOVVEES her) ^^

oh and tank you for catching that. ill be sure to look at your personal prompy 2 ~
nannna   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / My jail - common app essay (crit for crit) [24]

Hmmm ^^
I remember reading this essay the day before and was very impressed by your writing style. I like it! I have to side with previous folks though that your conclusion is a wee bit rushed. Last time I checked common app had no limit. I think another 80 words will do you fine.
nannna   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / My jail - common app essay (crit for crit) [24]

I had to write my common app essay a while back and was talking to my college advisor who lectured me about always connecting it back to yourself which will then connect to college. SO yes, I think you should connect to college. Not blatantly.. but more about your views and beliefs (colleges like that stuff).

Does that make sense?
nannna   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "three words that describe your best and how it will contribute to BU" essay [3]

Please help me. I am at 430 words but am at a loss on how to contribute these qualities to the BU community... I will crit back yours

Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

As a child, I would yelp as my cousins practiced their wrestling moves on me and threw me onto the ground. But I did not mind, much. For I knew one day, I would be stronger and tackle them to the ground. I realize now that my view of strength as a child only provided a one dimensional definition. When I started to train in the martial arts, I learned that strength did not necessarily mean physical power, but a mental one. Although I am not able to learn martial arts anymore due to my disability, this view of strength has continued with me. It has helped me become a leader that savors the moment of reaching the goal; to have the strength when times are tough are conquer any obstacle that gets in my way.

Perhaps the reason to my success is in the way I overcome my obstacles. Even as I am beaten to the ground, I will always get up and think of another way. My creativeness helps me think of these new problem-solving techniques. If traditional car washes do not appeal as much anymore, then we will hold a topless carwash behind a building (we only wash the bottom part of the car, people pay extra to wash the top half). The trick did wonders for people were jamming up traffic trying to get to our car wash.

Despite this need for fundraising, money does not play a huge role in my life. From volunteering with many children and the elderly, I learned that sometimes, all a person really needs is another person to be by their side, genuinely wanting to help-in short, caring. No amount of money grants can compete with the joy on a person's face as they find a willing listener to describe the tales of their youthful, mobster-hunting, lover-chasing days. This world needs to be taken care of, and the first steps for people to do is become aware of the horrendous events occurring throughout the countries and next, care enough to do something about it. I gave a presentation to my community about the need for education in the underprivileged areas of our city and encouraged them to volunteer. Because of this, our childcare program now thrives with dozens of new volunteers willing to help.

This world is filled with many questions and obstacles that need to be answered. I am assured that at Boston University, my fellow peers and I will bring together all our special talents and spend many fun-filled hours thinking up creative solutions to our world's troubles.
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