Undergraduate / "Chapter 28" - Penn Supplement - one page from my autobiography [3]

Your essay has a very strong sense of authentic, real feeling, that is good.
However, if you don't mind, you can think for the second time of what you are trying to show. As I found, that's the steady pursue of your culture and your dream, which is absolutely good. but can you think of an other evil, obstacle or sth. to replace your friends in the essay? This essay shows a sense that you are motivated by other's ridicule, and you just don't care them, which neccessarily yeilds a sense of condemn.

Good luck

Undergraduate / University of Pennsylvania Academic/Social Communities Essay-Supplementary [8]

Your practice proved it for another time that inspiration is good for writing essays.
You related yourself to a abstract thing, like the spirits you mentioned by your name, very smart, it's natural.
You use "ship," "explore," etc. repeatitively, makes the essay very coherent, strongly connected.
Generally this is a good essay. A little suggestion is your ending paragraphs. Maybe you need a prompt ending to condense the broad aspects you've discussed in the previous paragraphs.

As you could not read my name, you know I can't help you with your grammar and flowing of words. Just some general feelings. Good luck.

Undergraduate / University of Pennsylvania Academic/Social Communities Essay-Supplementary [8]

Your essay also could be used as a main essay in CA for specially to U Penn

Undergraduate / '...shook his head, sadly' - You have just completed your 300-page autobiography; page 217. [21]

You can give them this, just have a try! Try is always the best, as long as you are also ready to prepare next year's application...

Undergraduate / Luck in Chemistry - University of Chicago optional supplement [4]

Hey, good essay and good development, but I think the prompt is asking you to touch a category.
I think this essay is asking you to list something.

Undergraduate / "collaboration with the minitry of health": page 217 of my autobiography [2]

Very good essay and creative idea.
But please take another moment to think of a autobiography, the language should be discription, and mainly focuses on yourself, you're telling story.

Looking around the hospital, I felt fulfilled with ? satisfaction? ]I had spent many years building I had been buildign this hospital for many years, and with the help of my very supportive husband, I had completed it .

This was the third hospital I had built over the years.

Undergraduate / The store as a reflection of the world - Williams essay - looking through a window... [10]

I like your depiction, very meticulous and interesting. Only one suggestion, but is the major one, how does your essay developed? Your end point is very good, and your shift of perspective is significant. So you can try more to make the shift of the point more smoothly, now it seems to be elevated suddenly.

Undergraduate / Mac essay-Macalester College supplement about diversity [6]

Is one of your friend named 甚至？

This essay generally looks good, related to the cultural diverse, but I think you can make it more impressive.
Try to tell the school more about how diverse Chinese culture can be. Through language, for example, the girls from Sichuan must talk differently from you and the Shanghai friend. Try to mke some controversy, some dilemma and some challenge to make the essay more intriguing.

Good luck.
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