Undergraduate / "I am an equestrian." - Common App Activity Essay [3]

I really like this short answer response.
the only thing...I tend to use fragments too because I think it can have a nice effect, but in college essays I've been warned numerous times against it.

So just the part where you say:

"...I worked endlessly to pursue my passion. Mucking stalls. Auditing lessons. Riding inexperienced horses..."

I would suggest changing it to "to pursue my passion through numerous means including mucking stalls, auditing lessons, and riding inexperienced horses."

I don't know, perhaps that might work better. Hope you like it!

Undergraduate / Two Short UVA Essays: Orwell's "1984" and the word maverick [4]

I totally understand how you're worried about the North Korea comment...but that can be fixed. The main problem is your verb choice "laugh at"..perhaps it might sound less derisive if you say that you shivered or got goosebumps or something along those lines. This might help to show understanding rather than ridicule.

Undergraduate / GRANDMOMMY UPENN ESSAY - one day you would share the same dreams that I had [24]

I like this! I think it does a great job of showing what you will bring to the UPenn community. There are a couple things I might say differently but I don't want to mess with your voice so I wont even bother. Well done.

Undergraduate / The benefits of NYU students going to a gy ! [4]

maybe you could compare going to the gym to an NYU education...like you hope to become a well-rounded active contributing citizen or something like that.

Outlines definitely help I would start there if I were you.

Undergraduate / Alive, Surprising and Curious, Boston University- 3 words [7]

Yeah I suggest making the title of the essay Alive Surprising and Curious and then just start right off the bat with the 6:30 am etc. suggestion!

Undergraduate / Bowdoin Supplemental Essay - Arabic Immersion Program Learning [4]

To each new friend I said, "alem wa sahalem I was responded "wa alakum a salem."

In this sentence it's improper grammar to say "I was responded"

I suggest making it two sentences, like this:
To each new friend I said, "alem wa sahalem." They resonded "wa alakum a salem."

Undergraduate / Boston University - Why BU? (6 sentences) and 3words that describe you Essay [7]

Since no one has commented on your Why BU essay, I will.

First, get rid of the last sentence. They don't care that your friends are applying there also and you all love BU and want to be a big BU happy family.

On a nicer note, it's good that you say BU is the one school in Boston that fits your personality best, but then you should take that and expand upon it. Write a sentence about your personality and a sentence about how that fits with a particular aspect of BU or just BUs philosophy in general.

good luck!

Undergraduate / I'm actually really excited to meet you; Stanford Roommate Essay [11]

hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha that's so clever I really enjoyed the beginning. It's a huge risk, but seeing as you have about a 8% chance of getting into Standford anyway, I say go for it.

My only issue is toward the end...I think you should end the debate idea with one paragraph and don't spend the rest of the essay bringing it back up. Use the rest of the essay to tell even more about yourself, besides the fact that you'll be looking for a debate partner. Like what you do for fun with your friends, what kind of music you listen to, what your favorite genre is, where you would like to live most in the world. I dont know. something like that.