Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by swimchick2266
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Last Post: Dec 31, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "the pleasures of exploring" - Interest in Brown Supplement [9]

It seems like you did your research well, but you didn't really answer the part about who or what influenced your decision to apply. I know its tough to keep it under the word count and still say everything you want to, but you can do it! Good Luck!
swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / unique qualities, Stanford Supplement-- Why is Stanford a good place for me. [5]

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

My search for that perfect college led me directly to the beautiful Stanford University. None of my parents or grandparents had the opportunity to receive a college education, so making it through high school alone would have made my family proud. However, I want to go that extra mile; I want to learn, explore, grow, and excel, and I feel like Stanford will allow me to do just that.

The components of the Stanford community which appeal to me most are the impressive programs in the social sciences, active student body, and diversity.
I have always been a goal-oriented student who thrives on competition. The competitive and rigorous learning environment at Stanford will only make me more determined to excel. The great programs in the social sciences at Stanford would help me develop my intellectual curiosity for these subjects to their full potential.

In addition to my academic achievements, I have been heavily involved in extracurricular activities throughout high school. My leadership abilities have led me to attaining key roles in those activities. Whether its community service, a club, or sport, I love to participate. I know that there are numerous opportunities to get involved at Stanford, and I would love to dive in and explore these opportunities.

I have also heard about the importance of diversity at Stanford. I want to learn amongst students from all different economic and cultural backgrounds because I believe that a wide spectrum of opinions and perspectives enhances an educational experience. I believe that my unique background and experiences could even add to that broad spectrum.

Overall, I know my academic determination, leadership abilities, and unique qualities would be a perfect fit for Stanford University.

Please give me any criticism or advice! :)
swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Upenn Supplement: Bioengineering + EWB [12]

University of Pennsylvania's Educational Objectives encourage students to build a strong foundation

Overall, great work! LOVE to word choice!
swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "a tall, lanky Indian boy" - Stanford Supplement: Roomate Essay [5]

I think the conclusion does need a little more. Maybe take some out of the paragraph about sports so you have a little more room to expand on your last idea about finding beauty in the world around you.

I have faced hardship and failure

Maybe be a little more specific. What hardships and failure?

I hope this helps, overall its a really good essay though! Good luck!
swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "spirit for adventure" - Stanford--What should your roommate know? [5]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

Well roomie, let me just start by saying that you are in for a wild ride. Have you ever had one of those frustrating friends who, regardless how much you beg them not to, will force your hand up along with theirs to volunteer for those embarrassing games they have at pep rallies? Not just any game, either. The really embarrassing one where you must search for some tiny object, in a pie tin full of whipped cream, with your hands tied behind your back, in front of the entire school. You hate that friend for it at first, but then after you are laughing together playing that ridiculous game, it turns out to be fun. Well, yeah, that friend is me. Do not be afraid, though, because from my experience I have learned that those embarrassing games are actually tons of fun. I am not the type of person to sit back and watch, but the type of person to go out there and make memories―even it it means a face full of whipped cream.

My spirit for adventure gives me a tendency to want to try EVERYTHING. I am a very active person with a passion for getting involved within my school and the community. I am also known for recruiting others to join things along with me, so I hope you like to be involved too. In high school, I actually recruited a few friends to join the swim team who had barely swam a day in their lives. They eventually grew to love the sport just as much as I do. I know how fun and rewarding it can be to try new things, and I have a tendency to convince others to join me in the fun. You might be a little annoyed by my outgoing attitude at first, but if you give me a chance, together we will make so many memories. Well, roomie, I cannot wait to meet you and I hope you are ready to make some of the best memories of our lives. I know I am!

All comments and criticism welcome! Please help!
swimchick2266   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / my career aspirations, BROWN " What don't you know" [4]

Maybe you could expand on the idea that you want to learn how to use your left leg, and how you plan on going about that. It will reveal your determination to conquer your weaknesses. Hope this helps!

If you could take a look at any of my essays it would be greatly appreciated!
swimchick2266   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Books, historical event, roommate - Stanford Profile Questions and Short Essays [9]

Just a few small things...

Given a choice, I would always prefer a little group of friends who really know me and to who I am close than a big crowd of people.

This sentence is a little awkward

School and sports

I also enjoy writing

Wow your grasp on English is actually very good! Great unique essays! Good Luck!

Could you return the favor and take a look at mine?
swimchick2266   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Russia daughters and fathers names - Cornell essay-- College of Arts and sciences [7]

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Did you know that in Russia it is customary for daughters to take on their father's first name as their middle name? The only difference is that they add 'ovna' to the end to make it feminine. Did you know that in Morocco they eat and drink with their right hand only? It is extremely rude to use the left hand, which is considered unclean. To some these may seem like useless facts, but to me they are fascinating pieces of knowledge which open doors to entirely new worlds. Learning about other cultures around the world is intriguing to me, and I want to soak up as much knowledge about each culture as I can hold.

My interest in cultures intensified over the past few years as I grew closer to my best friend Yuliya and her family. Yuliya, is a Russian immigrant, and I have always been fascinated by her and her family's different cultural characteristics. They have several values and traditions which set them apart from the typical American family. I have noticed their love for tea, and their interesting tendency to put sour cream on everything. It is also typical of Russian culture to emphasize respect for the elderly, rather than focusing on youth as we do in America. Despite all these differences in the way we were brought up, Yuliya and I have become inseparable over the years--growing to love one another like sisters.

It is incredible how two people can be so different, yet so much alike. Yuliya and I can connect on so may levels. We enjoy jogging together, and as we jog she sometimes teaches me Russian words. I stumble over the strange sounds, but she always encourages me with a laugh. Our friendship has taught me that there are certain universal human characteristics, that can connect anyone, regardless of their different backgrounds.

This is what interests me most about other cultures. I not only want to learn the interesting facts, but I want to learn about how cultures interact with one another. Despite cultural differences, everyone is connected in the ways we interact. My interest in cultures has opened my eyes to many world issues. Misunderstandings can occur when people are uninformed about other societies, and studying other cultures can help limit these misunderstandings.

I want to dive in explore these different cultures,and discover ways to limit these misunderstandings. I know that the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell offers exceptional programs in the foreign languages, history, anthropology, sociology, and many other departments which will help me in my academic pursuits. Although I am not yet sure which of these majors I will choose, I know that there are countless opportunities for me at Cornell to pursue my interests in culture and society around the world. The many cultures of the world look to me like a rainbow of endless color, and I want to explore each and every stripe.

All comments and suggestions welcome! :)
swimchick2266   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / CORNELL! environmental science [6]

Not the age-old problem of global warming, of course not, but the problem of ignorance.

Maybe make this 2 sentences?

they can never turn a blind eye saying, "I did not know." Through awareness, they can recognize their own selfishness.

Maybe change they to we. Your American too right?

I know that knowledge on the subject was a necessity.

to be the catalyst that will ingnite the environmental movement

Just a few small suggestions...

Please return the favor and read mine! :)
swimchick2266   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement - Well, roommate, let me tell you about my rock band... [5]

Good unique topic, but maybe don't focus so much on how its an escape from academics. Stanford wants students who are passionate about their studies. You could still say that is your escape, but maybe from just life in general. Just a suggestion. Hope this helps! :)

Please return the favor and take a look at mine!
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