Undergraduate / fascinated by psychology: "reasons for transfering and the objectives...." ComAp [5]

i think your essay covers exactly what needs to be covered in a trasnfer essay. the one thing i would look out for, besides grammar, are your transitions. maybe it's just me, but i thought you're paragraphs were a bit choppy.

Undergraduate / becoming a thriving businessman - Emory Supplement Short Answer [9]

re-do of Emory Supplement Essay

word count is 307 and the limit is 250. do you think submitting a 307 word answer will have a big impact on whether or not i am accepted? also, advice/ feedback is appreciated.

Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?

When I graduated high school, I realized it was time for me to start making bigger and more important goals for myself. Of those many goals I set for myself, the biggest, and by far most important goal, was to become a successful businessman in the field of finance. After taking many steps to learn about Emory University, I discovered that it can play a big role in helping me achieve my goal of becoming a thriving businessman. From this, I was able to determine that Emory is the school for me.

One of the steps that I took to further my knowledge about Emory was visiting their website. There, not only was I able to learn more about the school in general, but I was also able to discover the wide variety of finance courses that are offered. This really draws my attention towards Emory because having a wide variety of courses in my major will enable me to become more knowledgeable in the field of finance and thus, help me work my way to become a thriving businessman.

I also came across the wide range of business clubs and organizations that are offered at Emory. This aspect of Emory really stood out to me because it shows that the students not only get involved, but provide other students with chances to gain vital experience that can be used towards the field of business and even in the career world. I can see this aspect of Emory helping me achieve my goal, which is why I have decided to apply to Emory.

Altogether, I am very satisfied in finding that Emory can provide me with a chance to work my way to becoming a thriving businessman in the field of finance there. I can definitely envision myself being comfortable, happy, and most importantly, fulfilled at Emory.

Undergraduate / UIUC essay #2 extracurricular - Cheer-leading team [4]

i think your essay is well written, but its common for applicants to write about sports they participated in and yours may not stick out because so many people choose to write about it

Undergraduate / Experiances give valuable lessons-agree or disagree [9]

i think it was decent. def well written, but it could use some more detail, as Nets said.

Undergraduate / becoming a thriving businessman - Emory Supplement Short Answer [9]

Emory Transfer Essay

Here is my Emory essay, once again. 233 words used (250 word limit). I think I really improved on what I had before, however, I feel like there is something missing.

Feel free to tear it apart by the way haha.

Topic: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?

Every person in this world has a dream that they one day hope to live. Whether it is ending war, playing professional sports, or becoming a multi-millionaire, every dream requires the person to take necessary steps in order to make their fantasy into a reality. My dream is to become a thriving businessman in the field of finance and since I hold that dream so close to me, I am willing to do whatever it takes in order to fulfill my desire. I believe that the first step to help bring this dream to life is to attend a university that can supply me with the knowledge and experiences necessary to ensure that I do get to live my dream. After an extensive amount of research, I feel I have found the university that can offer me on opportunity to take my dream and make it into a reality. That school is Emory University.

Not only does Emory's mission statement show how they are entirely focused upon teaching students beyond the classroom, but the courses and clubs that are offered show that I will learn all that is necessary in the business and finance world. With over twenty finance electives and eleven business clubs, I truly believe that I will be able to learn from the knowledge I am fed and the experiences that I will incur in various clubs, organizations, and courses.

Undergraduate / I know how to calculate complex equations mentally without lots of writing or no writing at all [6]

dacool8

Ok, first off, do not thank the admissions committee for reading your essay. It's just not the proper thing to do in a college essay and it really sounds cheesy. Don't try to spice up your essay by thanking the committee or bragging about your certain qualities which do not pertain to the prompt. Instead, spice up your essay by staying on prompt and really writing an incredible, powerful essay.

So let's take a look: your essay prompt is What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto? What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?

Ok, so first thing is first. Take a pencil and a piece of paper and make three columns: one column which will list what has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree, the other column which will list why you want to study at UT, and the third column which will list what skills you have developed through your activities and how that will help you succeed as a student and engineer.

Ok, so you made your list, now you want to pick about 2-3 points (it may vary depending on your word limit) from each column (the ones that are the best/strongest in your opinion) and elaborate the hell out of them. Make sure you use big vocabulary and make sure your sentence and grammar structure is correct. And also make sure that you don't go off topic. Remember, it's quality not quantity. Also make sure you don't repeat yourself. Trust me, you may think you aren't repeating yourself, but chances are that you are...Revise, revise, revise!

Also, for answering why you want to study at Univ of Toronto, avoid saying the obvious things: the location, the reputation, the weather, etc. Focus on more detailed things, such as diversity, clubs offered, class sizes, student body size, degrees offered etc. If you mention clubs, make sure you talk about how you would contribute to them. If you mention a specific area of study, make sure you don't just say "Oh, I love it so I want to study it." Make them believe that this specific area of study is your burning passion. Maybe talk about how this engineering passion was created and why you want to pursue so badly. It will make your essay a lot stronger.

Lastly, THIS IS AN ESSAY! NOT A CONVERSATION! DO NOT USE SLANG! Make sure you write professionally. They are judging you by how you write, so the better/ more professional the writing, the better you'll be.

Hope I helped!

Undergraduate / Impressed by Emory - Perfect Balance of college [6]

Hey bro, I just transferred into Emory the beginning of this year and I LOVE IT!

I think your first reason is justed, however don't emphasize the fact that you found it online. Actually, try not to say it all; just you you discovered that "aspect A" existed. It makes your essay give a "Oh, I didn't visit there but I looked on youtube and collegeboard.com so that should count."

Also, I can tell you that Emory looks for students who can and will join a club, lead, and give back to the community. Search their clubs and find one that interests you and briefly write about why you want to join it and what kind of things you want to accomplish in that club. Don't BS either, because they are smart here and will know right away.

emory.edu/admission/student_life/clubs_organizations/active_clubs_and_organizations.html