Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ecmagalhaes
Joined: Sep 30, 2010		 Last Post: Oct 13, 2010
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  
From: Brazil

Displayed posts: 14
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
ecmagalhaes   
Sep 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay to describe your brother (Marcos) [6]

Describe your brother.
I believe that family is the main support of our lives. Whenever and however you need attention, is like in marriage 'on sickness and health', they will be there for you. In addition, in childhood we do create strings with our brothers and sisters. So I have a real link with my brother Marcos. He kind of a hero to me.

Marcos is a 28 year old man, that study in a medical university in Campina Grande. Since childhood he has this 'take care of everyone' feeling. By the end of the high school he was decided to apply for medicine and nursing. Firstly, he didn't pass on the exam for medicine however he did pass for nursing. I remember that my parents told him to go on. But his dream always was to be a doctor. After he finished the course, he tried another time to apply for medicine. At this time he was at the top 5 of the university.

In childhood, I remember several times that he saved my life from hard situations. One time our mother told that I could not go play football with my friends until I had finished my homework. It was a lot of science homework that I didn't like the subject and the teacher did not explain clearly. So I remember to think: "I will go play and comeback before the time our mom went back from work". At this day, our mom came back soon because the company that she works was being painted. When she saw that I did not do my homework she took me literally by the ears. At home, Marcos was my main lawyer. He told her that the subject was a hard one plus I didn't understand it at the class. There are others situations that he saved me from been whipped.

Today, Marcos is married with Alba and they have a beautiful child Pedro Henrique. I believe that his felling of 'take care' is still pointed and he will pass it to my nephew. For this and several other reasons I consider my brother as MY HERO.
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Self-Founded Book Bridge Club: 150 word [4]

hi =)
i believe that your text is good but have some errors. let me see if i can help you with some tips.

Three 8th graders. One mission. That's how it started.
Four years later, Book Bridge has now burgeoned into a non-profit organization that donates money and books to schools in rural China, co-functioning with YMCA of Berwyn, PA. It's significant to me for a simple reason: I want to improve the learning environment of my Asian peers.
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 1, 2010
Undergraduate / FSU Essay - how personal should you really get? [6]

I believe that you have to focus on those three main words: "Vires, Artes, Mores". Try to make an essay using some thought of ancient philosophers from differents eras. And, I think that you have to be write as general as you can and then try to make a connection with some values that you achieved in your life. By this way i'm sure that the admissions officer will be able to accept your son.
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - food (stand/restaurant or home) [5]

I will do my TOEFL exam at November 6th and i'm trying to improve my vocabulary and grammar skills!
i'll be glad if someone read and correct my essay. =)

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, it's very common to see in magazines, TV programs, and internet talking health. The main goal that comes is: 'you are what you eat'. I believe that eating food prepared at your own home is the better way to be sure of the quality of what you are eating.

Firstly, when you're going to prepare your own food you will make sure that the product will be at a valid data. Even with control of sanitary vigilance, it's important to take care of it, because it's very dangerous to consume old products. For example, in a conference of optics that I was presenting a paper, the buffet was serving sea food in that day: shrimps, oysters, lobster etc. My advisor loves to eat oysters. This type of food needs to be refrigerated until be served. I was walking down the hotel before my speech and I saw that the buffet was already there. At the dinner I told to my advisor that the oyster was spoiled, but he didn't hear what I sad and eat a lot. A couple hours after the dinner I look around and I did not see my advisor there; he was at the bathroom; when I came there he sad: 'I'm not feeling ok'. So, if you're going to eat this kind of food be sure that is refrigerated until the hour you're going to eat.

Secondly, by preparing your food and eating at home you will save some money. If you compare the same food that you buy at the market with the served at the restaurant you will be able to see the difference in price. Here in Brazil, a typical food that is very expensive in restaurants is cod. A plate just for one person costs in average one hundred dollars, conversely with this money you can buy 1 kilogram of cod, and so you can cook and make dinner for 4 to 5 persons.

Last but not least, in some cultures they believe that if you prepare your food with pleasure, love at food will taste even better. So, in this way I believe that preparing your food and eating at home is the better choice, and then after the meal you will be able to degust your own comfort being sure that you eat a healthy and priceless food.
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / I'd run my own business" ;To purchase a house or a business - TOEFL [7]

Hello, everybody!
That's another essay that i am practising my writing skills to the TOEFL exam.
Help me with my words, and grammar! Any critical to the text or praise are accepted. If anyone could rate it would be better! Thanks!

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

Everybody once in life asks this freaky question: "what would you do if you win lottery?". There are so many answers like: "help all my parents", "help people in Africa", "buy a Ferrari" and so on. I believe that if i win/have a lot of money i would run my own bussiness.

Firstly, by runing your own bussiness you would be able to make more money. Last month a friend of mine bougth a place in mall and opened a Starbucks. He told me that in two weeks he could pay the cost of maquinary. In addition, if everything continue just the way it is, he is planning to open a restaurant at another location. What is the secret of success? Networking, marketing, a good and effective attendment and a effective plan. So, to be succeed you have to take a seat and organize your ideas.

Secondly,you could get more knowledge and skills running a bussiness. Nowadays, business is very competitive, so you have to improve your skills and knowledge to compete with others companies. There are many courses showing how to create a real bond with your clients. Futhermore, by working for someone else, you can face less risk but would receive less money. I believe that most people would prefer to have a influx money coming to their pocket, rather then receiving boss' pocket.

In conclusion, being able to buy a house would be nice, but on the other hand i think that buying a business would be more advantageous. A business would allow me to save some money to buy a luxurious mansion and be able to afford the number of people that would work there, such as gardners, maids, cookers etc.
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Is it okay to write an admission essay like a story? [7]

I believe that you can make the text with a sequence and after link with reality.. it will be a great essay...try to be as clear as you can and direct to the point... do not ramble on...

when you finish it, you must post here!

good luck ;)
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Company announces its wish to build to a large factory near your area [2]

Hi, de zilva.
well done! its a good essay! thats your first essay? you have a quite good vocabulary and a grammar.

The presence of a new factory could bring about both advantageous and disadvantageous impacts on our community. It certainly would be a positive influence on the unemployed youth. However, the new factory may impose several environmental threats to our community which is proud of its environment that has a unique beauty and high tranquility.

To begin with, the new factory would require a significant labor force, and so the unemployed youth can exploit these opportunities which increase the rate of employment within the community. Since the current unemployment rate is much higher due to the severe recessionary effects, this would help solve a major problem of myour community. AndIn addition, the new factory would require infrastructural developments in the area and may invest on such developments. This would help save the funds of the community on infrastructure development that could be used for other useful projects.

More over, the current environment is appreciated not only by the people in our community but by many visitors for its unique scenique beauty and high tranquility which is far from being polluted. The new factory would certainly impose many threats to its current environment; and it would pollute the environment with noises, air pollution and traffic congestions. These are very serious concerns with regard to the slow lives of our community. Our people are very keen on having relaxed and quiet life styles. Hence their perceptions about the environment would be greatly challenged by the presence of this new factory. It is very likely that there would be a strong opposition by the majority of our community, especially by the matured people. Therefore, this issue may lead to a division among the people of our community which would be a very unhealthy scenario.

Finally, in my opinion, when a trade off between advantages and disadvantages is concerned, it is better to retain the tranquility of our community which has more significance to the lives of people living in it. The youth should be able to find employment opportunities outside the community once the economy would recover. The recessionary effects have already started disappearing and we can have a better hope for the youth. On the other hand, the factory may cause irrevocable damages to the environment of our community. After all the community should not be divided on this issue and should maintain the peace and harmony that they always had.

When both advantages and disadvantages are concerned, it is apparent that the new factory would bring more negative impacts on our community than positive results.

---

Great job, de zilva!

- Eduardo
ecmagalhaes   
Oct 5, 2010
Writing Feedback / Appearance, work spirit, skills - important characteristics of a co-worker [3]

%Please, help me with my TOEFL essay. But it would be great if anyone actually rate it. Thank you.

We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.

When someone decides to work in a company, there are several characteristics that have to be concerned about, such as: appearance, intelligence, team-work spirit, to be very clear with any argument, how to deal with different situations, etc. In addition to these characteristics, a person that you work closely with, sometimes outside the desktop has to act like a friend giving advices. Everybody that works in a company knows the high level of stress that has to live with.

Appearance is one of the most important characteristic that a person has to be concerned about. In my country, some people say that "first impression is what stays". For example, in a job interview the first thing the evaluator going to see is the way that you are dressed, hair, perfume, and so on. A friend of mine was so nervous on his first interview that forgot that he was chewing bubble gum. Moreover, any women should not use opened shirt, short skirts, sandals or any provocative clothe because desktop is not a place to expose yourself.

Another essential characteristic is a great team-work spirit. Several researches indicate that it is more difficult to make some decisions when you are working by your own, then when you are working with a group. In a big company any important decision has to be decided by a group and sometimes the best choice is not the one that you were supporting. So at the moment that you are showing your argument you have to be concise, and clear. Therefore, if majority do not choose your argument you have to respect their choice and move the next one. In this way, the group will be acting like one secure person.

Finally, you have to be prepared to deal with any different situations that occur in the company. "Every day is a new day" that's the best phrase that illustrates a corporative life. There are so many other characteristics that are important to a co-worker, but I believe that improving these skills cited above any company would be proud to hire you.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳