Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by summergo
Joined: Oct 29, 2010
Last Post: Dec 21, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 10  
From: China

Displayed posts: 11
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
summergo   
Oct 29, 2010
Undergraduate / A letter to me--Commonapp main essay [5]

Dear Xiaomeng(2011.3.30-...),
Get ready! No more than a few minutes will you pass through the gate of Customs House toward adulthood and blend into the crowds of the bustling Waiting Area, leaving me behind. And as soon as your plane arrives and the broadcast asks you to board, you'll have to move on immediately whether you are well-prepared or not. So before you start the crazy journey behind that gate, do check your luggage to guarantee that you are bringing the three must-have travelling equipments I had been putting in your luggage for the last eighteen years.

The first thing that meets your eyes should be a picture of you and your intern teacher: Miss.Sun. It was taken on the day she leaved us after 2months of internship. You made her a farewell ceremony, a warm and uniquely designed one. We folded two paper hearts as gifts, upon which were full of signatures and wishes from all class 11ers. And when she stood on the dais, seeing two giant hearts flowing to her as students passed the hearts by hands, and hearing our sincere voice singing: "I wish you a happy voyage" in the tune of the birthday song, she couldn't help weeping her emotion out. And we were shocked. It was at that very moment you realized how some sweet ideas about a single farewell ceremony could be so powerful as to affect an individual this much. Maybe this single ceremony would strengthen Miss. Sun's aspiration to be a teacher, and maybe these two hearts would give her so much strength and encouragement that she would begin her career life with full confidence and hopes. Please take this picture to remind you the power of ideas. I know you are never deprived of good ideas, like adding the use of mirrors and shadows in your drama production, or directing Kungfu in a choral competition. But the more worthy ones are those that can affect people around you in a good way, or even bigger, the world. Change the world, one idea at a time!

Meeting the second gift, I can imagine you exclaim: the Xiaomu Pie(孝母饼)! (in English: the pie showing filial respect for mothers) Miss it so much, right! How we love it when we savored it within the Wuyi Mountains in Fujian Province, nearly one year ago. The Xiaomu Pie was invented by the great philosophy, Zhuzi, who lived among those green hills and zigzag waters of Wuyi. Whenever he leaved his home to study, he would first make some Xiaomu Pies for his mother to alleviating the pains that brought to his mother by worries toward him. So as you step forward to begin a new phase of journey, take the pie, and bear in mind that the ones who care about you are back home worrying you. Moreover, as long as the pie is with you, they are with you. "Use their strength, and never let them down.", imprinted on the pie.

Don't try to rummage for the last gift. It's in the most portable form, a word, actually: BELIEF. Don't belittle this word. It can be transformed into every possible power. Believing that your heart is strong enough to face the troubles on the road, you get mature confidence; believing that the road you choose for yourself will ultimately lead you to a vibrant journey, you get optimism; Believing that the final results are not for you to decide, but for you to create, you get the undeniable value of endeavor. Even if you are going on an unpredictable journey and 18 years record of achievements will be reset to zero, keep believing in yourself.

Now, it's time to move on. Just follow my direction: You walk straight to the gate, no blinking in the eye, no shake in the body, just press your entire palms on the gate, and push, leaving me behind the customs. Don't miss me, and don't look back!

Yours, Xiaomeng(1993.3.30-2011.3.30)
summergo   
Oct 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Stuck in the Moment"--Common application question [3]

I can see it's really raw! I think you don't have to write so many about your secret thinking place in paragraph1 and your troubles in paragraph2 if you want to focus on the accident and your mom...
summergo   
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / collecting tears because of heart-touching works -commonApp essay [8]

I don't think writing about several things are bad, but having a stressing point is good. Then you'll create waving emotions. What other characters of you do you want to express except you are sensitive to feelings wish to help others? I guess I missed other messages...

PS.: Thanks for your advice! I myself feel very confused about the subjects^^
summergo   
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Common App Essay on Surgery and Showering [4]

I think you can cut the second long paragraph short and enlarge the paragraph about shower. We all understand your family and friends concerns for your survival and I didn't really understand why you mentioned Panchatantra. Is it a book about a strong girl like you? Sorry I never heard of it.

I think the surgery is a good material to use. Use it well! Good luck~~

Please read my essay! I desperately need some advice~ and I am a Chinese
summergo   
Oct 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "involved in a motoring incident" - a significant experience- COMMON APP FOR HAVARD [6]

I guess your essay is not fully-developed. I think you can try to add some solid examples to show the difference between you before the crash and you after the accident.

I can't see this accident taught you to be a humble person. Are you trying to say human lives are humble before death?

Please have a look at my essay! I'm a Chinese, by the way~
summergo   
Dec 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "the new curriculum" - Brown Prompt - Why Brown [4]

I think you write honestly. But I think you can improve it by talking more about yourself, and show the AOs not only why you choose Brown, but why Brown should choose you as a fit:)
summergo   
Dec 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Quiet Life" - Why Brown [5]

I don't think it sounds convincing to me. All the literal art colleges are quieter than Brown, and Brown students' passions and vigors can never make campus life quiet. I think it's useless to talk so much about your nomadic life in such a sketchy manner. For me I'll keep only the first two sentences and simply say I want to settle down in Brown's unique community.
summergo   
Dec 21, 2010
Essays / UPenn supplement, Ideas (the essay in a form of interview?) [4]

I think the most important message that AO want to get from your why essays is how you are a match to the school. So one does not neccessarily need to be creative in why essays! Creativity itself does not help you convey the message better. Plus I've seen essays written in the manner of an interview... SO...

Just my opinions: try to be clear and organized first, and then try to be creative~

Good luck~ Talk more about yourself!
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳