Writing Feedback / "The media has the power to instill ideas" - National/Local Concern Prompt [2]

Here's my essay:

The prompt is: Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. (500 words or less)

The media has played a major role in my life, and in the lives of people around me. Often I see my parents watching the news, reading the newspaper, or listening to the radio and then later on reciting the information/ideas they've acquired as their own. Often, the information gathered from the media is biased or incomplete, thus rendering an incomplete/false picture that more times than not, leads to a predetermined conclusion set forth by the media. The media has the power to instill ideas into its viewers, and it is frustrating to see my parents be part of the group of victims.

In 2009, I joined New Youth Communications, a non-profit newspaper written by teenagers living in New York City. During my time writing articles, and being a journalist I learned about good journalism ethics, and also learned about a few mal-practices. I learned to give a complete picture of events and ideas, rather than showing a single perspective. At school, in my English class, I learned about different logical fallacies in writing, many of which are used over the internet, and often used on television. While many major companies do follow good writing ethics, the same cannot be said about television broadcasting companies. Through the usage of red-herring, non sequitur, and other logical fallacies, the media is able 'force' people to feel a certain way towards a subject. For example, many news stations talk about bringing our soldiers back from Iraq, however they don't consider the consequence of what could occur in Iraq if they were withdrawn. Iraq could end up like Vietnam did when we withdrew our soldiers. Media limits their perspective to the pain/suffering of soldiers, and through images, and testimonies, they instill a 'bring our troops back from Iraq' sentiment in their viewers. The media takes advantage of the ignorance of the viewer.

It is my strong opinion that the media should remain neutral, or at least consider all sides of an argument. As a journalist/writer I focused on doing just that. I wrote on topics ranging from electronics, to war, to gaming, as-well as a few personal stories, and remained neutral. For example, in an article of mine, titled: "Gaming by the numbers", I considered the negative aspects of gaming, as well as the advantages exposure to games can bring. Before I was educated in the tactics used by the media I would believe many of the ideas I heard on the news, or read about. I feel that the media introduces information in a way that limits open interpretation of the content being displayed. This used to hinder my ability to think openly, but now that I am aware of it, I have been able to draw my own conclusions about politics, society, and ethical dilemmas. Although I am aware of the effects media can have, media still plagues the minds of society, specifically my parents. "If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." -Thomas Jefferson.

I don't really like the approach I've taken, any suggestions on where/what I should steer my essay toward?
Please, and thank you.

Undergraduate / "parents stimulated my interest in mathematics" - Ethical Dilemna Promp [6]

Here's my essay:

My parents stimulated my interest in mathematics when I was a young child. Because my parents are immigrants unfamiliar with English, mathematics was the only subject familiar to them that they could teach me, and so they did staring when I was in first grade. During my educational career, I've always spent my afterschool evenings doing homework and studying before relaxing; my peers, however, chose fun and games over education and consequentially were unprepared for exams. Disappointingly, I chose to aid my peers ...

After edits:

As a child my parents always told me to do the right thing, and up until 8th grade the right thing had seemed obvious to me. Throughout my educational career, I've spent my afterschool evenings studying before relaxing; my peers, however, chose fun and games over education and consequentially were unprepared for exams. Disappointingly, I chose to aid my peers during exams, despite it being unethical. I believed that I was doing the right thing my parents said I should; I soon found-out however that I wasn't.

In 8th grade, my math teacher Mr. Paul was aware that students were cheating off of me during exams. One day, as he passed by me, he said "You're not helping your classmates by giving them the answers." I pretended that I didn't know what he was referring to. He and I both knew I was lying. I became unhappy with my decision; I've always maintained a healthy relationship with my math teachers because math was the subject that my parents taught me since 1st grade. My parents immigrated to the United States in 1990, and mathematics was the only subject familiar to them that they could teach me. My teacher-student relationship was now on the line. Not only was I participating in educational dishonesty, but I was also displaying a lack of integrity to my instructors and peers.

After Mr. Paul let me know that he was aware of what was occurring, he began to isolate me during exams. Consequentially, my peers' grades plummeted. It was disconcerting to watch my peers fail. Although I wasn't the source of their problem, I had become part of the problem, and thus I was obliged to be part of the solution.

As I contemplated on how I would redeem myself, I recalled a quote told to me by a teacher, "Give a man a fish, he'll eat today, teach a man to fish he'll eat for the rest of his life". I then realized that if I just gave my peers answers, they would forever require help. However if I instead explained the approach to the problem, they would no longer require my help, and be able to solve It by themselves.

The very next day I asked my friend Eimy if she wanted me to tutor her. She responded with a smile, and declared yes; so I did. It felt great to see Mr. Paul smiling at Eimy and me while handing out her first 100. My tutoring had paid off; I was able to instill confidence into my friend and gain Mr. Paul's trust back, while sharing my passion for mathematics with Eimy. I didn't stop tutoring after Eimy; I continued and tutored my other peers as well.

After seeing my peers excel the true definition of help became clear. True help is the devotion of time to serve others, not the giving of answers or objects. I can proudly say that I've done what my parents wanted, the right thing.

Critique please.

Undergraduate / "Computer laboratories, Aerospace engineering" - qualities that attract me UMich [3]

University of Michigan

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

Resources, opportunity, and experience are all key ingredients to success. These are the main attributes I look for in a school and the University of Michigan has them to offer.

An important factor that I look for in a school is the opportunity to study abroad, and the University of Michigan has just that. The Engineering Global Leadership Honors program allows for study abroad and offers a challenging course load that incorporates business, culture, and leadership into engineering. These key aspects will prove helpful in starting a global business and leading it effectively. Along with the Engineering Global Leadership Honors program there is also the GEA Aerospace Summer Program which also offers a study abroad experience in Europe where I can deepen my knowledge in the field of aerospace engineering. There are also many other internship opportunities offered and each internship will provide me with the experience needed for me to excel after I graduate and enter the work force.

One of the things that drew my attention was the availability of computer laboratories to students of the School of Engineering. The 24 hour availability of computers full of helpful software shows that the school is giving its student the resources they need. This accessibility of computer facilities is unparalleled by any other school I've seen and would certainly prove to be instrumental in my success.

Aerospace engineering isn't something new to the alumni of the School of Engineering. With alumni ranging from CEOs of businesses to working for and leading projects for NASA, the alumni base shows that the School of Engineering is effective in its teaching methods and course curriculum. One of my career goals is to work for NASA, and the fact that an alumnus from the school is working in NASA strengthens my ambition. The School of Engineering attracts individuals with a common goal of succeeding and being surrounded by these individuals will motivate me even more to reach my maximum potential and become an upstanding engineer. The University of Michigan has the ingredients to success that I need, and that is why I wish to attend its School of Engineering.