Undergraduate / "Successful not only for my parents" - how my world has shaped dreams / aspirations. [2]

Describe your world and how it shapes your dreams and aspirations.

My life and world isn't anything outstanding. My life and family is pretty normal, so I decided to write on my parents who have shaped my dreams by being supportive, caring, loving parents.

My biggest concern is does my essay answer the prompt in an effective way.
-can you tell what my world is?
-can you see my dreams and aspirations? how are they affected by my world?
Any criticism, comments, or complaints are welcome.
Thank You :)

My biggest fans always been my parents. They are my supporters in all I do, want to do, and have done. They do their best to attend all my music concerts, soccer tournaments and award ceremonies. My parents never forced me to do anything; they gave me the ability to make my own decision and choices. They believed this way, I could and would become an individual. So when asked to play the violin, my dad said, "Alright". He took me the next day to Morry's Music and I rented a tiny red violin. A few weeks later, I was having my first private lesson. After becoming interested in soccer, I asked my mother," Mom I think I want to play soccer". She looked at me with reassuring eyes and went to the computer. To my satisfaction she was researching youth soccer organizations. They always nurtured my interests and never hindered a possible talent.

My parents strongest support though always was for my academics. They told me that i needed to do my work, listen to the teachers, learn...

Undergraduate / "I wish I could go back" UC prompt #2 [3]

Describe a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality of accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

It needs alot of editing! Help! comments and suggestions are very welcome. Thanks :)

I was sitting at terminal 36B in the Long beach airport. My mother was next to me, talking. I heard the anxiety in her voice as she tried to remind me of my flight details. She understood that I was not nervous for my flight alone to Washington D.C. Actually, I was quite excited to be on my own and to make decisions by myself. I knew I was prepared to face a totally new world and experiences on my own.

I hugged my mother goodbye, and walked onto the plane. I sat down and opened the "Flight Information Folder" my mother made. I pulled out the letter of recommendation Mr. Gillogly wrote on my behalf. I was so proud of myself for being recognized as a, "High achieving student" and "open-minded, bright, and determined". I smiled to myself, I looked out the window to see sunrise peak over the homes. I thought, "Here I go; NYLF here I come".

I arrived at Ronald Reagan, picked up my luggage and to my ease saw a group of teenagers circled around a sign saying, "National Youth Leadership Program". Within the hour we were at a hotel outside D.C. I was checked in and given a NSAM group called, "Franklin" and I was to meet in room 114 after dinner. I was nervous to meet my group because I was never the social girl. I didn't have the confidence to meet new people and crawl out of my shell. I sucked up my nerves and walked into the room and saw other members sitting and quietly conversing. I was relieved the group did't talk much, we introduced each other and announced where we were from and returned to our rooms to sleep.

The next day was completely different. I was surrounded by lively, chattering, intelligent teenagers. I wanted to talk, to be a part of the group, to make these people my friends. The next thing I remembered hearing was, "I am Barbara Gavin, I'm from South Carolina". I smiled with relief, and introduced myself. After the day had gone by, I conversed with everyone about anything. I was no longer afraid of being the social outcast, or the quiet girl in the corner.

Through the long days, the stressful activities, the laughs, and fights my NSAM group bonded within the short week. I am proud of myself for traveling across the country by myself, being open to the new experience and intelligence NYLF had to offer, and most importantly for coming home with a group of unforgettable memories and friends.

Undergraduate / "To be a Leader; the National Youth Leadership Forum" UC prompt #2 [2]

Describe a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

i appreciate any comments and criticisms :) thanks!

I was nominated to attend the National Youth Leadership Forum by my AP US History teacher, Mr. Gillogly. The letter of recommendation stated, "I showed exemplary skills in leadership, a broad knowledge of history, and abilities to overcome challenges". After long discussions with my parents, I had a plane ticket to Washington DC. I would stay a week in the Nations capital as a participant of the NYLF on National Security. I had no idea what I was in store for.

Upon arrival, I was assigned to a NSAM group, which was to be my "learning family" for the week. I took every discussion and activity as an opportunity to develop my leadership skills.--I wanted to show I had the confidence and intelligence to bring my group to success. Later, my peers elected me to be president. They wanted me to lead them through the biggest challenge so far--The National Crisis Simulation.

The simulation split the group into the modern day parts of government. The objective was , by working together, to make a National policy concerning a crisis in the middle east. The simulation tested my individual skills to communicate, lead, to gather and organize information, and to handle enormous amounts of pressure. My groups simulation rapidly turned to caos. Because of pressure, there was lack of communication, confusion, and the group was frustrated and exhausted. Despite my plan of action, knowledge, or motivation, I could't lead my NSAM to success. Everything fell apart. I failed.

The NYLF taught me how to work in groups, improved my social skills, and opened my eyes to our nation. Most importantly, it gave me insight on my leadership skills: I have the foundation to be a successful leader, but I have a long ways of practice until I get there. Now, I am using my talents in soccer and music as an outlet to be a leader. Though my first attempt was a disaster, I'm proud to say I failed because I'm proud that my peers had the confidence in me to take on the challenge. I am proud of myself for traveling across the country by myself, being open to the new experience and intelligence NYLF had to offer, and for coming home a leader with a unforgettable memories and friends.

Undergraduate / The October Preformance--Common App essay [3]

Write about a topic of your choice..

Backstage the only audible thing was soft tuning. A gentle hand touched my shoulder, "Ready?" It was my conductor, Osman. "My hands are sweating," I replied as I stared at the entrance to the stage. "You will be amazing." He continued walking and stepped out on stage. The audience applauded, became quiet, and chamber begun. Mozart's Magic Flute Overture was gorgeous and a satisfied applause came from the crowd. I was next.

I was cautious not to trip on my royal blue silk dress. I stepped into the light, blinded and deafened by the roar of applause. I couldn't hear the reminders going through my head-B flat measure 270, watch Osman, listen to the beat, Demeris this is your moment. I walked to center stage and froze. I bowed, thanking the audience for their enthusiasm. I quickly tuned, then glanced at Osman. I was ready.

Osman raised his enamel baton; the orchestra followed and raised their shining instruments. Scene De Ballet began with roaring chords in the violins and lively eight notes in the cellos. The music filled the auditorium. My entrance was coming and I started to count the beats-- "I and 2 and 3 and 4 and,"-- nervous I would be early or miss my entrance. "1 and..." I put the red violin to my shoulder and rested my chin upon it. I grazed my left hand down the smooth neck and placed my bow on the string. "2 and..." I could feel my heart beat in my hands. My legs shook under the silk, and my head pounded with heat. I could feel the stare and high expectations of the crowd. They wanted to be amazed. I began to doubt my ability to perform. In anxiety I thought, "Nine years, Demeris. Nine years of practice and dedication. Ignore the people and play for yourself. It's your moment." "3 and..." I took a slow breath, closed my eyes and listened to the orchestra. "4 and..."with my exhale, I begun to play the Adagio Cantabile.

The more I played, the more the confidence bubbled in me. I felt my legs relax and the steel butterflies leave my stomach. My hands dried and my head stopped pounding. Any thoughts of doubt or failure left my mind and body. I let my mind go black and concentrated on feeling the music. As the music internalized itself within me, my body started swaying with the pulse. Instead of counting "1 and 2 and..." I felt the beat in my fingers, my legs, my arms, everywhere. I came to the realization that this performance was going to be easy now, simply because I was the music.

There I was, a blue star shining in the florescent spot lights. My skin was melting off my body my hands were sweating again. The pungent smell of rosin dust filled my lungs with every flying sixteenth note. My arms were getting sore and my fingers were turning red. Despite my discomfort, my adrenaline pushed me forward. A thought came to me, "If you make a mistake now, you can't freak out. Play the mistake with gusto and guts! Only you will know the difference..." The Bolero was coming to the end and my cadenza was a brooding thought. I could play the fast runs and bold double-stops easily at home, but in the spot light was different. In the back of my head the fear of stumbling on a double-stop or missing a run grew. A grand pause in the piece, the next note was the beginning of my Cadenza. I took a deep breath, and placed my bow on the string. I exhaled and let my fingers fly across the finger board. Runs, eight notes, double stops, staccato, all played perfectly. I played the last chord and heard the orchestra re-join me and instant relief rushed through my body.

The next chords were of the finale. As we ripped through the chords I couldn't help sense the grand and gorgeous sound we all made. The sound resonated in my body and made me shake. Every note I played became more passionate, more intense. I felt the sound vibrate in the hollow body beneath my chin and escape to become this grand melody. Last chord, I inhaled and with all the gusto left in my body played. It was the perfect blend of orchestra and solo.

I released the note, paused for a moment, and put my violin in rest position. The crowd cheered and applauded with guaranteed approval. I smiled and thought of how it was all worth it. The hours of practice, the frustrating moments, my callused bright red fingers; everything was worth the ten minuets of overflowing self confidence and the love from the audience. I walked into the back stage darkness. I waited seconds before re-entering, bowed again, and took my seat as concert mistress, ready to finish the concert.

When the concert was over, and after I graciously accepted compliments and hugs, I walked to my case. I packed my violin carefully into the black case and walked to the center of the stage. I took a long look at the velvet seats, the heavy green curtain, and the numerous black music stands. I could only think, "Wow, what a concert to remember."

Hi comments, critque, suggestions, anything would be of great help!!

Thanks! :)