Posts by sylovely

sylovely

Dec 15, 2010

Undergraduate / I'm playing golf..typical? your extra curricular [11]

Describe your extra curricular

Golf is not a sport that only retired men play for a hobby but rather one that everyone can enjoy. Although I only played for a year, I am one of those people who can not live without golf. The fact that golf helped me to make friends and become an active person when I was new to America made me even love the sport more. Going to the course and practicing became the most exciting part of the day and the competitive nature of golf tempted me to improve my skills and learn patience. Now I am able to play around 40 for nine holes at a time when I was around 60s almost a year ago. As a result, I will be in the varsity team and I am proud of what I have done. I am thankful that I can enjoy such privilege when all this would have been impossible if I had stayed in Korea.

sylovely

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "I love playing the piano" - SHORT ANSWER [7]

I am going to focus on making the essay shorter... so
First, you should combine the third and fourth sentence to make it shorter.
Also, you might have to erase "These times are some of the precious moments in my life" sentence.
Maybe cut "The moment I put all my energy to play a tune is the only time when I feel my heart is completely released from struggle." sentence and "I love listening to the echo of simple chords filling my small room. I feel my heart fills with joy and sadness with the movement of the melodies." or only choose to keep one of them

Also you don't have time to write "in other words, it enables me to make my own world"
This way you will make the essay to around 180..

Don't change anything in the last sentence I think it is perfect to end the essay
I really like how you described your passion of playing the piano and how happy it makes you.

sylovely

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "to study an instrument, Violin" - CommonApp - Short Answer [7]

First, I think you should just make it one paragraph.
Also I noticed you essay is a little over 150 so i suggest you cut "With every lesson each week, I acquire more than a simple violin lesson" and combine it with the next sentence to meet the requirement

I'm not sure about this but "Although the last time I would ever hold a violin" phrase seems to be vague. Why don't you just change it to "the last time I held"? to make it simple and precise

sylovely

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / my store's logo + different cultures + my grandpa - NYU answers [5]

The third answer seems to have sentences that are too long. Why don;t you divide and spare a separate sentence? Also metamorphosis does seem to be out of place and not natural.

I suggest you use words such as development or growth.
The last part would be better if it is just "I did not let him down and myself."

I believe all other answers seem great and impressive

sylovely

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Play golf + Being responsible + Berlin Wall + Travel + Book in dormitory - Yale short [3]

Please respond in 25 words or fewer to each of the questions below.

1) What would you do with a free afternoon tomorrow?

I would definitely call my friends and play a round of golf with them.

2) Recall a compliment you received that you especially value. What was it? From whom did it come?

I remember my 8th grade teacher complimenting me for being responsible when I stayed in the school and cleaned up the classroom while the others left.

3) If you could witness one moment in history, what would it be and why?

I would like to witness the fall of Berlin Wall. I would like to see the moment a country once divided unite again and hope Korea can be united too.

4) What do you wish you were better at being or doing?

I wish I am fluent in several languages. That way it would be very convinient to travel around the world in near future.

5) If you were choosing students to form a Yale class, what question would you ask here that we have not?

I would ask, "if you can keep only one book in your dormitory as a Yale's freshman, what would it be?"

sylovely

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / I'm playing golf..typical? your extra curricular [11]

thanks guys for a lot of help

sylovely

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "the pride I feel whenever I don my crisp, blue and white uniform" short answer-cheer [10]

I believe you are using some words that seems to be not from a teenager
You gotta use simple words sometimes to avoid conveying different message
For example, cacophony and rigorous in your writing

sylovely

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / I'm playing golf..typical? your extra curricular [11]

Short answer for Common app-extracurricular activity

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum)

Totally different from my first draft...

I used to follow my father to the golf practice ranges and hit some balls with him when we lived in Spain. Sending the balls to where I want them to go really got me interested in golf. So naturally, I joined the golf team at my school when I came to America. By playing golf, I was able to make friends who helped adjust myself to the new life in America. I realized that golf is more than knowing the swing techniques. I learned to be the judge of my own game and to respect the people whom I play with on the course. In other words, golf has taught me integrity and consideration for others. These valuable lessons will help me tremendously through my life. I am excited to be on the varsity team this season and would like to practice even harder to become a better player.

Would this be good enough? Just 150 words