Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by writerblock
Joined: Dec 24, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 14  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 17
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
writerblock   
Dec 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / Miranda Rights are Important? - a persuasive essay [4]

The topic of Miranda rights in this essay may not be fully developed. First, these rights are when the individual is accused of a crime; it does not protect the individual who Voluntarily gives information outside of the criminal context. Secondly, in many states, if you were questioned by a police officer and a state child welfare employee, and do not answer their questions or show them your papers, then they can, and will, remove your children from your household, based solely on the imaginative statements made by a neighbor, acquaintance, or enemy. And since these are NOT criminal in nature, taking your children in for questioning, generally is not considered a violation of unreasonable search and seizure, a 4th amendment violation. In the current police state that we are in, it doesn't really matter if they give Miranda rights, when they can take your children for something trivial, as this is State sponsored kidnapping. The Miranda rights do not apply to administrative government like child welfare, and other axillary governments. The bottom line, do not talk to the state.

other than that, you write well, and the essay is in good form.
writerblock   
Dec 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / AN ACCIDENTAL, OCCIDENTAL PLAN: (Political leadership) Writing an exploratory essay [5]

The basis of this essay is to explore the aspects of political leadership and policies that maintain current leaders in religious, political and commercial groups in a model form of the corporation, and that the individual should discern historical circumstances that shape our culture, one individual at a time.

AN ACCIDENTAL, OCCIDENTAL PLAN

We always wonder at the intentions of an individual or individual corporation: the elected official, program or other legal entity. Was it done on purpose? Was it an accident? Was there any remorse shown? For we cannot fathom someone so ruthless and despicable. Or was it their nature. The importance is derived from the meeting... the offense is sometimes a ruse; where a committee assigns to find out: who knew what, and when, so that we may determine the actual intent. While no one will ever usually take credit or responsibility for decisions, the blame is shifted to an individual within the corporation. It is not by accident. It is by design and intent, purposeful and deliberate. Since the corporation is a body without a conscience.

The perennial nature of man further pinpointed after years of reflections, perhaps painful, finally to realize that we are all destined to a complete routine. Realizing nothing more refreshing or liberating than to discontinue where we would spend our lives in safe ritual. We fall into secular labor, house work, church vocation, worldly amusements, activities, and the body politic becomes the carriage, a shaft runs through it. We are told to hold on tight, fear letting go, because we are led to believe it is our security. The family home is one's castle, but we spend little time with our loyal subjects. We toil for thirty years to obtain this fortress, our chief expenditure, with all of the innumerable costs, payments, and upkeep. Automobiles are the customary mode in which we have chosen to make it spin. It does not stop to let you off; you must jump. We live merely to work. We work to live. It is both a commandment and a curse. The organizations have organized the spoils.

Accordingly, there is a two party political system, which organizes both the laborers work and wages. Prevailing parties having done everything within their authority to remove the third party, currently held at bay. They imply these two choices are the only viable candidates. We, the people, cast a vote to obtain a choice of the two main parties, the democrats and republicans. And the powers are only delighted that we have embraced one of their own.

The vote for a candidate becomes a simulation. The candidate rarely represents your morals or beliefs; they only represent sheer numbers; for it is expedient for one to decide than for a million people to come to terms. Other times, the people had voted for the right to die. By casting a vote, the individual becomes part of the whole-in league-with the state, or another arm of the state. At another time the people voted for a right to life, but the vote was declared invalid by a few judges. Voting becomes merely a process to which the outcome becomes reflected on the voters, who did not vote for the undesirable outcome, but rather the participation that gave the simulation validity. The participation is a matter of selection of limited choices. Hence, unjust laws exist which the voter is party and is culpable-blameworthy.

Still, waiting impatiently for a divine leader, the people are moved to revival with the calling of a new leader every four years, crying out for a new king, a secular one, who sets the tone. We vote a choice between these two parties, at our own expense, and peril. This is a privileged class. The two party system-where neither party is for the people. While they have an inaugural convention, it does not allow the seating for the common man, only those of nobility. While chiefly they operate the two directly, indirectly a wealthy group of individuals stand aloof directing both enterprises through a legitimate interface. It is the lobbyists, the special interests, and other bodies whose sole purpose is to influence or move politicians with contributions. Money is their token of goodwill. If one chases after the money, it is sure to lead directly to a wealthy tycoon, and to a different gospel altogether.

Corporate executives toil to build the corporate body to represent this fleeting virtue of wealth. They maintain and direct the corporation to greater and greater products. When the corporate executives place company stocks to public trade, a wealthy group may buy a majority of the shares, to take over and direct a new enterprise. They could buyout the original inventor or entrepreneur if only to stop its production. If it might interfere with other profitable companies, the project though helpful, may become a liability. Therefore, a foe could be an alliance for a short duration. They become members; they become stockholders.

It isn't an accident wars are fought to lower prices of textiles and consumer goods, the mightier hand then determines the price. The convenient aspect of war lowers the population of the common laborer of both sides, the uneducated poorer class enriches the natural selection. When the common laborers dreams of being liberated are crushed, riots ensue on the streets; the poor mans version of war. The wars on our domestic soils are wars that would have otherwise been fought on foreign soils, by these same valiant men. Those who would have fought in honor for a white collar cause, had the poor man not been awakened from his dream. When awakened from the American Dream, a poor man may have a dream of his own. State laws keep the poor downtrodden and increase the costs to live. For what group of poor men would gather an army to venture off to international lands and argue a lack of minimum wage jobs of their rural communities, and then attempt to shift blame onto an Arab or Russian? Or blame their religious creed or economic ideologies. Isn't our own community to blame, the incompetence of our own government whom we elected? Why seek international territories for blame, when we should purposefully look to our own domestic enemies? There is no need to go 10,000 miles to find an enemy, when our enemy lives within our own neighborhood. He sends in the spy, who crosses our borders, onto our territory at five or six in the morning to deposit an array of land mines on the front lawn.

When traveling through our commercial districts, a commonality strikes me amongst many businesses. A majority of the signs are colored and lettered in red to a vast extent. Is it a matter of coincidence? Should I assume that red is their favorite color? No, I am sure its been studied. A proven fact that it will increase their business traffic. Advertising and the selling of merchandise is a science with numbers and figures. Even the oldest professions(which seems to also flourish by posting a red symbol above their doors), are able to tell the difference in business traffic when a red or blue light is displayed.

The blue collar workers and the uniformed middle class worker hinders local battles. Police and national militias are enlisted to the blue collar, paid men of the state, to fight riots and uprisings. These are commissioned soldiers of a common labor market to fight white collar causes. Middle class is the dividing line to keep the poor on this side of luxuries. A division is placed among the people. Labor divided. Though common labor has simply been divided. A common laborer class

has been purchased by the promises of a better life, if only we injure or kill our neighbors.
If I must kill or injure my neighbors, domestic or international, for the promise of a better life, I would rather keep the one that I entertain now, or return it for the older that I used to enjoy. Do not even attempt to convince me that I need the latest model. Consumerism starts within the company, eroding contentment from within. Every company seems to have one rodent employed, the corporate mole, who burrows himself up to management the activity of the laborer, for a small price. He has sold out. He has sold himself out for a mere thirty pieces of silver. This becomes the design of the corporate model. The adversary to the common laborer is management currently

set in place. When we all realize this, they shall stop the wars long enough to saddle up the wealthy man with a rifle, and let him do his own dirty work. Let our readers lead. Let our leaders lead by example, and our followers will follow that example.

It has always been those citizens, who would come out from the common labor market, who rise up, attempting to bring about change. The ruling class has already placed a program in place, to resist change at all cost. Don't they kill every leader that will bring about a change? Do they not attempt to embarrass or threaten a family that has such a leader. In maintaining a despotic power, they remove or silence an educated group of thinkers. When one arises, they are plucked one at a time, or perhaps purchased for a price. Once removed, who else would resist the ruling class and their plans? Previous violent regimes had the same passive workers who would pay their taxes and follow the laws of the land, despite being lawless in nature, where the laws of the land were to silence the educated and other minorities. It is no different today. Which group is getting too close? Collapsing a plan is always based upon the vision of one individual, and they all know this. False victory is obtained by the individual selling out to the Corporation, or the establishment, one individual at a time. The only corpus that one needs to belong to or owe allegiance is the body of Christ, the kingdom and family of God.

If we preach that the kingdom of god is merely a state of mind, irrelevant to the chaos and suffering the world around us, then apostolic poverty (voluntary poverty) or luxuries makes no difference. However, contentment is found deeper than the mind. The incorporated religious groups that found prosperity are complacent in their wealth. And their wealth is the test of their gospel-god has blessed them. But the real authority of the Church is found within the spirit, within Christ. Yet, there can only be a remnant of the Church, that God almighty knows his own, regardless.

The Church met with extreme resistance that cost our lord his life. He became the keeper of this gate. Today, State law sets in place its policies to govern the church and marriage, guarding us from reaching the gate or the promise land, to which they imply; "It cannot be done unless it is legal; for we must place our stamp of approval on it." This is precisely what ruins it; their approval and their stamp. I am sure it has been designed for this purpose, for which the intending result is also apparent. It is no accident. It has been the most prosperous time in history for the Church, and yet clearly the church cannot create a lasting impression upon a perishing world. The state targets the church, but at its nucleus is the individual family, the domestic church. Hasn't money lost its luster yet? The domestic church is the family; the marriage; and its disciples the children. The Christian marriage goes through the secular courts and it is no wonder there is problems in post divorce families.

The United States started the nation with its first bank. They invented the first 30 year mortgage, deeded the first property and house; where life expectancy was only 45 years a couple centuries ago. Once the crops failed (as they knew in time they would), the bank became the first true home owners and farmers. After that particular home, the bank became the second homeowner. And now, the banks own most properties within the United States. It is no accident that the common laborer has been entirely removed from the toil of owning the family home; which, it could be a blessing in disguise.

The peasant class has a month-to-month tenancy with the landlord, and the tenant can avoid a bad neighbor by moving himself. It is only when we become serfs to the feudal bankers, that securely ties down to the land for 30 years, where our neighbors become much more permanent. For the moving of oneself becomes much more cumbersome and costly. Under the feudal system, vassals were men who made agreements with nobles or lords to earn a tract of land. Though today vassals or military men are still paid the land indirectly. After twenty years of service, the military man has earned the right to a monthly retirement and a guaranteed home loan. While the

State no longer arranges land deals, they remain in the business of money. With the rising cost of home ownership, the military man may instead, decide to rent from a landlord to be as free as a peasant.

Tax laws of recent years have supplemented an artificial increase in the value of property. By directing our subsequent purchase to a more expensive home from our previous home sale, or suffer the consequences of tax. By further regulating the available build zones, it has lowered the available land to build a house. This increases the demand, thereby, artificially increasing the cost for property. That few who removed the supply, increased the demand. A simple law of supply and demand implemented. These policies have hindered the community and nation as a whole, at the expense of the poor. Isn't a subdivision type neighborhood a small depiction of a nation, with each house a sovereign State, and each room its local government? Some nations are third world and so with our neighborhoods. For whatever the reason that some neighborhoods have developed into third world, is perhaps the same reason that third world countries are among our neighbors. When we can remedy our lowest of neighborhoods, starting with the first home, we shall be able to repair

all the world's ills, introducing change to local government, one person at a time.
Lasting change is not on the minds of those in authority. They want everyone to stay put-in a state of status quo-reassuring those currently in power remain so. Never would they want any one to stand above the crowd, except in a controlled manner, to be sure he shall be knocked back down again. Writers are commonly taught to refrain from the use of the word I, the first person, who is the obvious narrator. To make a stand in the first person they fear, even in writing, lest he should stand up also amongst the crowd, he could bring about change. We are directed to point the finger at him, writing only in the second person, which is you, which becomes degraded to a point of preaching down to.

I will not be so condescending. To write primarily in the third person becomes a matter of we-the anonymous group to make our stand. However, the rooster may crow three times, leaving myself standing alone anyway. Even still, to write under these conditions makes it all painful, as if enduring to learn a second or third language. It is all too tedious, and even annoying; besides, Thomas hates to talk in the third person. He would rather speak in his own dialect, which is a familiar tone, and perhaps those who know his voice would recognize the language, listening to what he has to say. For these are his kinsmen.

But, it is only when-I-must stand out amongst the group, as we, not necessarily from my own accord; sometimes it is purely of accidental means. Since I might be compelled to write (or speak) against my conscience, where I might rather remain silent, but compelled by necessity by some other higher authority present. When I am of the elect, to write on behalf of a group, or to entertain the notion to volunteer, that I should actually replicate myself by writing in the first person, notably forward of the group; I should stand in front. Though it isn't a matter of ego, but of a distinct necessity. I will freely do so without any reservation, as long as it's out of volunteerism, or possibly under irresistible grace. I don't have any constraints for others to speak in the difficult language of the second or third person, or those to be the second or third person. But it strikes me, in some cases, that it should become a haven for the cowardly; those who would remain neutral as a narrator, standing aloof from their handiwork under a fictitious pen name. He might use the anonymous backup at a later date, citing through another fictitious pen name. Nevertheless, to accept any undue responsibility for oneself might be hazardous to other ventures. The fear is not unfounded.

What kind thoughts or achievements would have been accomplished if only our lives were left unregulated: to a mortgage, political and commercial institutions? And even freedom from all prevailing religious institutions? At many times in our unique history, man's stages of growth were not purely of incidental means. Ingenuity played its part. Man displaced his time, delivered it up, to move mankind forever forward. The cave we thought to be a cozy domicile until someone built the very first log home. And since the invention of the ice box, and the invention of refrigeration, we still toil for higher advancement. Before that, we would have spent our entire day attempting to stay warm, with a healthy search for food. What should we do with our time now that we no longer search for food and shelter?

We seek work. The fields are narrowed and the labor controlled. The first man to cease laboring in the fields, came inside the house, away from a rather wet and cold morning. Looking out his window, he viewed the workers in the field, and in his reluctance to go back outside in the cold, he created the first office. He then preceded to convince and persuade the rest of the workers that that is what they needed. Or chiefly what he needed-office work. Soon after, every company had it. A different notion of work. With this, he created the first advertising and marketing group. Bringing in his close associates from the field. From there, he opened up room for advancement with new titles, until the CEO was created and he was it. The president is that of an important title, given to rise up under a controlled means, but easily replaced. But we forget, that when we emboss someone with money or extravagance, we fail to see under the surface. No individual retains the accountability of the corporation. The corporate executive then opens the corporations toil to the highest bidder, utilizing the stock market. The wealthy elite, now stockholders, directs the corporation, so that it is less detrimental to their other endeavors. The corporations have since purchased, the essential forms of mass media, which has already gained wide circulation, that of: television, publishing, film, music, newspaper, and magazines. These mediums which before were reflecting our thoughts have become used to control our thoughts and actions through manipulation. The talented and untalented line up in front to display their talent and present their message. But whatever is pitched, the corporation has decided they can't use it. They are the keepers of this gate, and only the talented and wealthy enough, can kick it down or make a dent. Right now, we all await for the right message and messenger to deliver us. Meanwhile, we are only allowed to know what they are willing to let us know and see what they are willing to let us see.

Education has become a business with no real distinction between the secular or religious institutions. After reaching a decision to increase my learning, as a literary tool, to be educated in the more theological and scholarly ways, I learned that there wasn't a religious college that represented my beliefs. One local college: I would be required to sign a doctrinal statement too much to the degree that Constantine required, if I saw myself fit to attend their religious university. Having the very doctrinal statement in hand, I felt as if I was seated amidst the Council of Nicea; I had a strong reservation against signing it. And with hindsight in my favor, I refused to endorse it. Eusubias would have done the same thing had he been confronted with the same restrictions. But I could attend that institution without the formalities of endorsing their religious creed, if I paid ten times the usual tuition. And then, I had just learned what they had intended to teach at that institution, what they taught-that even money could buy admittance, and the wealthy could enter despite the religious persuasion.

After I refused to ascribe to the document, it occurred to me, there may be another method, more agreeable, to enter this particular private Christian college. And so, I inquired within the admissions office, addressing the current gate keepers. They would forgoe all requirements in entering their institution in exchange for $200 per credit hour (this is the rate to which they anticipate expending my money(time and talent); which is $600 to $800 per class, which according to Henry David Thoreau, was the cost of a modest home. Upon learning this, I found what this college ultimately desired to teach me: money overrides any principle and creates a very broad gate. But this I already knew. They only wished to find another proselyte to convert and have him become as themselves.

Since 1964, the dental association has sought universal dental care but it has failed to provide a plan. The political forum could not even organize the dental association with minimal success. A grandiose universal health care plan is a political slogan often repeated but without real intent. It is just a lie repeated. The state has been promising health care for all its citizens to bring about a socialism for its democracy, but without any real solution and with ulterior motives. The health care insurance system operated by the state is an insurance scam. Routine treatments are denied; complaints and requests for administrative reviews are denied. They do not want to investigate even complaints of emergency medicine denied. The system does not want a system of health care that has people treated; it wants an insurance scam. Monies that are placed within the system operate the system and the patients are denied, with payouts to the administrators who keep the costs low. Once placed on the system there is no way to be removed from the system. It is misuse of identity. Socialized insurance scams do not apply to the Church. Thomas does not want his family, or himself, on any state insurance scam. The medical communities has never really placed the business of medicine on the open market to see what the going rate is for a broken femur or some internal transplant; or what is the going rate of emergency treatment?

Boldly, capitalism has directed an industrial revolution to control man's labor. By opening up factories to labor in, we have become indirectly enslaved to the manufacture of them. With more time liberated since the invention of the automobile (at first a luxury), except now everyone must ultimately have a car; we have lost our time in the bargain. Work was well underway for the advancement of faster travel and more power. The horse and buggy industry must have fought fiendishly to stop this advancement. And while they must've said, "Stop it, it can't be done, it'll never work; we've tried that before and it didn't work." While most were content with the velocity and power of current land travel with the single horse, society still had a strong desire to surpass the genius of its elders, for it had concluded that one horse would not suffice, and then two, four, and six were teamed for more power. Still, today, the average amount of horses which one man owns is 200, though it is measured in the power of his car; he drives the vehicle forgetting the actual horses he had to leave behind. As today, owning a horse is merely child's play, a nostalgic notion of a simpler time.

Whatever we aspire to do, or pursue, the "nay sayers" will always be the dominate party. However, we may withdraw for a moment to be inspired, or gain composure, so that we can retreat again from a silent protest, with more courageous tenacity than ever before. We only have to stop and remember that perhaps they attempted it, and it didn't work for them. But we aren't them. We have a calling. We have a vision. We have a plan. We sought our gift from God, and God is with us. The appointed time is now.
writerblock   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "I'm too liberal; the word Poughkeepsie" - my 'why Vassar' essay [9]

I agree this is a great essay. I will mainly do copy-edit. Hope it helps.
I didn't see a place to throw in any hyphens or dashes. And I agree that the last two-three sentences make no sense to someone outside of the college; you may want to combine them.

"When mom scolded me for my first dates, I wondered how many loves people had would continue to be their loves." Awkward... I wondered how many loves continued to be their loves.

it felt as a woman were given [a] large amount of money to shop at the 5th Avenue

until I moved on my pace for more detailed information

I lived downtown [Vassar?] for my entire life.

The Miscellany News or underline...same with New York Times

If nobody provides you with convenience, then create [it] on your own!

Vassar to materialize their [desire.] Diction:opportunities? talents? skills?

Vassar lives in unworldly land since the surroundings is too beautiful to be true.
Diction: unworldly sublime? pastoral? AND "surroundings is" Subject verb agreement

no words could march... do you mean match?

I read the essay a few times and this is what I came up with.
If you get a chance during the holiday, give a good read on my essay... thanks. Good luck
writerblock   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Oregon Essay - Describe something that you are proud of in the previous 2 years. [3]

over seas program one word or two?

lavish smells, [exotic] or did the place stink?

foreigner painted me [seems racial, did you mean: pointed out, or stood out?

Jambo!" trying to get to get

fence of the school [that] we would

I befriended a Felix, a Masai ...is that a name or title.

"I thought of my life back home and how fortunate I am, and how these families live off bare necessities compared to our life in America in which there are so many luxuries."

There are places in the United States which are not much different. You didn't need to go to a third world country to experience extreme poverty.

The essay is pretty good. Just a couple things in the writing that I noticed. What is the "Oregon aspect" in the title???

If you get a chance over the holidays, take a read of my essay and let me know what you think. Good luck.
writerblock   
Dec 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "reasons for choosing architecture" - Rensselaer App [4]

Overall, this is a great essay. It is selling yourself at the same time, bringing an opportunity to share family values and your interest in science and industry. The only thing this essay lacks is your appreciation for specific architecture, whether houses, structures, sculpture, trusses, or maybe that fen sui (sp) stuff.

"I've learned how to relate elements such as composition, color and balance within my artwork." Are you applying for an Art position or is this helpful for creative abilities and design?

Here is some copy-edit things to look at:

Threw my childhood..throughout

His breeds are adorned..awkward. another word for adorned

full time goldfish breeder suggest...full-time

creating a move environmentally sustainable world [for them].

My dad has retired into a full time goldfish breeder. He is a revered biologist and has made a name for himself within the ornamental fish world. His breeds are adorned with grotesque eyes and embellishments comparable to koi. Almost all of his business comes through online orders as he offers "varieties which will never be seen anywhere else in the western world."

When my dad needed to approximate the biomass of the goldfish that could be sustained in his ponds, he sparked my interest in math by showing me that math can be applied in more ways than the classroom; I calculated the volumes of each by applying the formula for an isosceles trapezoid. I was also able to find the instantaneous rate of change of a tank's height as water was pumped in at varying pressures using my new found understanding of derivatives in calculus class. These experiences have taught me that math is more than just calculations on a piece of paper, but that it can be used to solve real world problems.

I would split this paragraph up. The quotation is a nice accent to the end of paragraph. The second paragraph has to do with application of science, experience at real world; it also says something about your family values. I changed the sentence order without disturbing the meaning, and placed a semi-colon. good luck hope this helps.

if you get a chance over the holiday have a read of my essay, thanks.
writerblock   
Dec 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / On effectiveness of satire to personal hygiene [2]

A Gross Humor-light subject matter; satire.
WISE ANAL MAINTENANCE PASSED DOWN FROM THE GODS

Be careful. Unless you have the miraculous one wiper the skid may soon be present. Skid marks, contrary to popular belief affects both sexes, although deeply shrouded within male secrecy, and the women who must launder the affected garments. I offer suggestions and provide reasonable answers and insights into this embarrassing, natural phenomenon.

The problem seems monumental to the untrained mind. However, a deep penetrating wipe should eliminate the source of most fecal juice matter. Hairy sphincter, and residual blow-by, although the chief culprits, should not be the cause of unsightly roads, commonly known in some parts as John Denvers. I generally refrain from telling others what my pantaloons are concealing.

Even for me, an expert in the field, it is difficult to broach this subject-that is why the form of the essay is employed. As far as reappearing fecal abrasions, etched on white cotton: tights (or boxer shorts), panties or g-strings, I suggest a deliberate, aggressive pinching off the loaf in such a fashion as to create a return suction, and that should, in most situations, suffice to hinder that brown crayon like vestige from poking out, hanging out your behind, doodling on your shorts.

There are both pro's and con's to these methodologies. A good technique, which I can attest, consists of a few cups of strong coffee followed by a brisk morning walk of short distance-no longer than fifteen minutes; otherwise, you might not make it back. The exercise induced defecation can be quite explosive. The down draft, that you must be aware, can produce great spackling around the bowl (and in rare instances compromise the porcelain).This requires more maintenance than you might be prepared to accept; or the torpedo that blasts down the rabbit hole; that can cause a refreshing up-splash, that quick jet clean much like the fancy French bidets! Case in point, a brisk run of four miles, one-mile out, left me having contractions one-minute apart. Quick thinking placed me within a fresh portable latrine, at a construction sight, with an inviting blue tank below. The log hit the water, with such force it caused my back side to be covered in blue sanitation fluid-a blue moon occasion. I could dialogue a blue streak with examples as such.

Urges come and go infrequently. When you miss your opportunity then, hold your load on company time; a quick decision is needed. Is it better to do your business on company time. The detriment to this maneuver is lack of auxiliary items-a place to hang up your clothes(for those who must be totally nude) and the quiet time required. One cannot rush this step. I prefer taking a good solid fifteen minute dump on double time-as opposed to straight time-I found it to be much more rewarding.

Step one: relax the sphincter before and after. Of universal concern, toilet tissue consistency being rather soft, requiring many wipes or the unduly abrasive cheap, industrial quality that can cause undue chaffing, which may create a worse problem than the skid stains of the first order. The field expedient use of a whatever is available when in the woods or elsewhere without modern facilities; the rule of thumb is whatever is within a stones throw away: pine cones, leaves, socks, portions of t-shirts and sticks or stones.

A wipe and fold method can be of economical upside but a diarrhea disaster may make this impossible. Some use the "wipe-glance-fold" method which can obtain nine wipes all told. Others, use a "repetitive action" and drops without looking-or a combination thereof. I can assure you the old maxim, two-wipes a-gripe three wipes you're alright has impressive results. The repetitive action tends to be rather aggressive approach, and has a tendency to leave "butt flecks" on the back of the toilet seat-little brown, curled pieces of tissue. I would recommend the traditional WGF method, with the last three in the series lotion enhanced(I recommend burn balm salve or an economical lotion that purports to relieve burning and itching.); otherwise the evidence will be quite apparent.

The proper wipe procedure is paramount for the feminine concerns, which should not detract much from the male, since as far as proper wipe procedures, the frontal vs. reverse order wipe argument, the fecal residue is actually quite negligible and cannot reasonably taken into account. I scoff at those who say otherwise. Dangling, hairy balls pose an obstacle that no one disputes. Skid marks are not applicable if fecal is left on the nuts.

The anal bush dilemma does pose a significant disadvantage for most male counter parts; nevertheless, seldom found on females which certainly places an unfair factor to this controversy. Again, a razor to these tender areas can create a prickly environment, and may reduce natural conduits for heat reduction.

A preferable morning run, or any vigorous exercise can remove residual colon matter and loosen or dislodge fecal matter, a potential problem at work or school, or suffer the feared butt-cheek friction, which causes excessive heat. I would recommend a post fifteen minute wipe to sever unwanted dingleberry transfers. Otherwise, (brown) sweat could work itself into a lather if the proper surfactant is not used to clean your rear.

The other instrument that might have some unreliable consequences is the infamous, and not so too often talked about, liquid sensor; that my friends, is a fail safe disaster control mechanism which seems to eliminate the catastrophic as well as the common false fart. A worn out sensor can cause more than an embarrassing skidaroo: a poorly functioning sensor is aggravated by overuse through overeating. What goes in must come out. The consumption of some food products may contain the disagreeable "Olean" product that states can cause anal leakage, although a tendency regardless for those over weight. Excessive folds surrounding the anal extremities vex any other methodologies given so far-and the soaking of the anus seems to provide relief.

The deposit of an unsightly racing stripe, or racing stripes-posy traction-side-by-side-skids may be an achievement but it might also be time for new drawers, especially if it exhumes beyond the first layer of clothing. A skid mark that is visible to the casual observer may be a badge of honor in some provinces: although, the prideful skid mark may be the sign of a fallen angel.

Unexplainable things have fallen on cotton that has yet to be analyzed and appears as cottage cheese, Brie or some other cheese deposits or white chocolate, science is still investigating the array of these unnatural, unexplained objects.

Now, despite all the reasonable and necessary precautions, over the counter stain removers usually suffice. Sometimes a careful examination of the article of its crude, deplorable contents can dictate the appropriate action. In the absence of any action: one day a month bleach all cotton whites, call it Bleach Day. Denial can be a long river. Just admit it: I have poop stains.

As you can see, the problems of skid marks are ever more complex with too many issues to remedy on a single paper alone. I did not even discourse on the historical element, nor the athletic supporter, which uses the crack, to canal, which forces sweat at the base of the scrotum, a jock strap is then employed to collect the unsavory brown liquid. The notorious Greek wrestlers competed nude, and as skilled athletes, speaking strictly from historical context, had been instructed to take full advantage of their unsightly, crusty hairy ass in competition. Greeks are naturally hairy. Do you see the dilemma of the Roman world! Demetrius won the Spartan games year after year. This, of course, created an unfair advantage to say the least. Progression moved from supporters to tights. Modern wrestlers of the New World are known for especially close contact with their opponents-they are sure to create victories with this detestable edge.

The swim suit skids are prone to being chlorine resistant, as any Olympic swimmer could attest. Bicyclists have a similar problem when skid mark formulations occur at the frontal areas close to the testicles-and for the females, the verginer. The military man, has Saharan skids virtually all over the undergarment-and they may need to turn their undergarments inside out-and still maintain the use of baby wipes on the tender spots.

I apologize for my digression but I have done some partial research for an upcoming book club selection-Skid Marks: What's all the Rukkus about? I leave you these last words of wise advise passed down from the gods...Remember, it is not a skid mark unless it falls on your underwear.
writerblock   
Dec 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / An essay on world peace and international understanding [2]

In the past decade, the world was in a state of unrest almost all the time from natural or man-made disasters. In 2001, the 9-11 terrorist attack evoked brought long-term tension between the US and the Middle East; Recently, politiacal unrest in China raised concern on human rights around the world, and the focus was further intensified as Mr. Liu Xiaobo was selected as one of the laureates of Nobel Peace Prize 2010.

You might want to reword to: China's recent human rights violations caused political unrest with further scrutiny, when Mr. Liu Xiaobo received his Nobel Peace Prize.

A month ago, North Korea bombed South Korea, creating even more barriers between the two countries, leaving the world in further fear of the North Korean nuclear weapons.

All these events were caused by humans but little was done to relieve the stringent relationship among countries. Undesirable qualities such as distrust, gree and ego are apparent, leading to even more unneccessary disasters. This is precisely why world peace plays an important role in maintaining a harmonious relationship among people.

However, after Obama took over as president of the US, he resigned the troops. Although immediate effect may not be apparent so far, so many people support his decision that he was awarded Nobel Peace Prize in advance to his conribution towards world peace. However much controversy this Prize has aroused, it is undoubtedly a concrete piece of proof on the importance of promoting world peace, in the aspect of defining a brighter future for all of us.

Youngsters, as the driving force for the future, are crucial in promoting peace, and there are many ways to be a part of this force.

Firstly, young people can take part in exchange programmes and international conferences. Participation is beneficial in promoting international understanding because with such activities, young people get to know more about the others from different cultures, beliefs, habits etc. Many disputes are caused by misunderstanding and therefore, an exchange programme could help youngsters gain an international perspective and broaden their horizons. The chance of misunderstanding can then be reduced.

Secondly, young people can take part in community services. By getting in touch with people from all walks of life, they can get a broader picture of what the world is like and understand more about how the others feel by being a part of them. In this way, more care and love can be promoted and more international understanding is built.

Thirdly, young people can create causes related to world peace and encourage the people around them, like friends and relatives, to take part in. Experiential learning is one of the most effective ways in understanding concepts and when young people create all these events, they are also a part of learning process. Organizations like the WYSE : spell it out? are promiting exactly this kind of learning and indeed many benefit from such causes, including the needy and the participants of the project.

For improvement: Place the file in a spell checker, make some revision changes to your prose. Avoid the words is and was, and make your sentences Active voice. EX. passive: This essay was improved by Crystal Yuen. Active: Crystal Yuen improved this essay. Delete sentences that do not really clarify your point. Make your argument and solutions stronger for world peace. I think leaders spend more time on world commerce than world peace. Pointing out that a policy is to blame, determine if China has an obligation to do something than to allow an invasion of Asia, and if its human rights is merely internal policy and not pertinent to this essay.
writerblock   
Dec 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Place for growth both as a visionary and a human being." - Why Northwestern? [2]

1) "give a man a fish... capitalize a direct quote

2) without a hesitation,...without any hesitation?

3) I have a firm belief that within a similar setting in Northwestern I will thrive...

better) I have a firm belief that I will thrive at Northwestern, Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences.

A place that provides tools necessary for me to develop both as a visionary and a human being, Northwestern is, without a hesitation, my dream school that I will happily spend my four-years for.

4) I didn't like the last sentence and I couldn't find a remedy.

5) On the substance: while you might impress a college faculty with the NGO, in reality, do you think creating another government organization will assist the Vietnamese? I think a group of people(individuals), who are committed to assisting those in need can do more than any government body seeking a paycheck for their services. Is there a Chinese proverb that suggests government involvement? Your observations are the same as others. Seek similar solutions or be different: be creative! "to be a solution to this complex issue."

I think you have a very strong essay, even if you don't make any corrections.
writerblock   
Dec 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Perceptions of Muslims/Arabs [8]

Please read the essay and let me know what is needing deletion, too offensive. Readability. This essay is meant for discussion, education; and if some perceptions are in reality untrue please refute it as so. And if the essay is effective?

Perceptions

Perception of Muslims
Living in a Western culture, and with infrequent occasion to discourse with middle-easterners, their culture, it is merely a perception from those experiences that I arrived at through discussion, and my observations. I am sure that their perception of me, my culture is certainly attributed to television, a heresy machine of deception. Nevertheless, I have had discussions with Muslims from Israel in Jerusalem and in America, ranging from God, "peace in the middle east," Christians, Muslim complaints, and United States officials who "represent" this culture which has brought a detriment onto myself, and others in this country. Christianity is Not that western religion. Christianity still maintains a presence in the East: Ancient Orthodox, Syrian and Coptic churches.

Desire of American culture
Due to the perception of the lifestyle, American culture is sought after by foreigners. The brand names that appear on television commercials, the character association to the products persuade foreigners to buy these articles; they generally do not wear traditional garb. The relatively few Muslim students who attend our Universities have wealthy parents, who send their children to live in the United States under a student visa. Usually, their language is very proper English, and these students do not attend our universities as pious Muslims; they attend like the Americans, and they generally indulge in our culture, having more disposable resources, "dating" (easy) American women.

Without over-generalizing, there are various Muslims, as there are various Christians, and Americans. In the larger cities, foreigners wear traditional garbs and even the burke, the women (or man) concealed from ankles to the eyes, in a large black sack. For the Muslims, who desire to work in America, it is no different than others: living near friends, living the way they want to, and seeking opportunities for success.

American Culture
American culture exists as a secular government with a greedy majority represented by the official system that becomes the imperialistic, colonialist government meant to conquer all cultures to submit to democracy, an elected system, the most efficient civilized government in the world; that its education, medical facilities, and legal system are far superior to any modern country in the world. At least, that is the perception. It is certainly true world markets: bankers and lenders have a hold of the western world in a credit system of usury, charging of interest, the cost of time that belongs to God Almighty. And that, citizens of this country pay their creditors in voluntary servitude.

The legal system does not operate on the principles of just governing, as the legal system is unfair and unjust, and legal cases against government, injustices against its people, routinely not heard. The corporations, which own the major media outlets, magazines, and book sellers (three main corporations control all aspects of American publishing, distribution of their creative labors), say little because they benefit. The corporations operate municipal governments and the majority of businesses in this country. They even incorporate religious groups submitting to state regulators. Abortions and family divorce courts wreak havoc on domestic life that brings a demise to the American Family. Most American families are poor, in debt to the creditors, that half of all married couples divorce and lose majority assets, especially with the high cost to defend in the legal system.

Just because they say it all the time, their perception is a free country within American culture. The amount of law enforcement asking for our papers would suggest that it is a police state. The ability to get literary works to distribution has almost been removed, and popular culture is controlled through corporations that only allow the works that affirm their American culture; and this includes religious culture as well.

Muslims in Israel
When I was in Israel, I had talked with several Muslims: Muslims or Arabs, the guys with the scarf's with small, black circular head piece to hold the scarf in place, generally black and white or red and white; I cannot tell the religious from the irreligious. One Muslim, who spoke perfect English, asked to be my tour guide for pay. I declined because I did not need a tour guide. We had no further discussion. The Taxi cab driver, who looked shifty, who drove me to Jericho for the afternoon, he had no discussion. Perhaps he did not speak English. The Muslim at the Jerusalem Market: I asked to trade clothing, I was wearing, a new leather jacket (about $150), because in January it is cold, for a $60 winter jacket he had for sale. I took mine off and let him look at it; in which he spoke to his relatives in Arabic, who wore it, and then ran off. I was assured he would return. I thought he might just steal it, but he didn't. He offered me a Tea, in the meanwhile, in which I declined.

He came back 5 minutes later. I said that I would trade the jacket for the winter jacket and $40. He said he would trade jackets, but he wanted an additional $40. I did not complete the sale; I think he thought I was wealthy; I was just cold. I did not trade or buy anything from him. I bought a disposable sweater at another market place for $20.

Although, I never watched this television movie, a young Arab boy tells me, "Hey, I make you look like Lawrence of Arabia." Later that day, I bought a traditional black and white scarf from a local at the market for $7.00, and when I returned to America, I drove in town to see the reactions. People looked, and looked again; it was dangerous I thought, but it was funny odd.

I went to the Dome of the Rock, a holy site for Muslims. I took off my shoes and started to enter this shrine. But I was told I would have to leave my back pack (with my belongings, my traveling items, being a visitor), to enter this Muslim holy site. I was not refused at the Christian sites. So, my perception I thought someone might steal it, that I declined to enter the Muslim shrine, the Dome of the Rock. I placed my shoes back on an continued my sojourn.

I walked up on top of the Mount of Olives, a holy site for Christians. I am not sure why anyone needs to own this place. Anyway, he was just leaning up against a stone rest area on the walk up, and I was enjoying the view; when the Arab guy and I talked. He said that it is not the American people but its government. I agreed with him on the evils of government. He offered me Hash; I declined. I had told him that I was just visiting and sight-seeing, and seeing this culture. I had told him that I was reading a book, that compares religions, and a Muslim section was within the book that I was reading. He requested that I read passages to him, and as I started to read to him, but I realized that he desired that I read from the Koran, and not technical interpretation of Muslim religious tenants for American audiences, where I abruptly stopped. I put the book away and continued my ascent alone.

Perceptions of Secular Israel
As I wandered aimlessly through Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Jericho and Capernaum, I saw the beautiful women of Israel, walking around town in military garb, holding an UZI machine gun, pointing to the ground, seeking a ride. They would ask me questions in Hebrew, and next they would rephrase their questions in perfect English. I suppose that being Caucasian I looked more Israeli than Arab.

My first night in Tel Aviv, I spent the night at a Youth Hostel, that had foreigners. I could here various languages but I do not remember any. I wandered around during the evening and thought I would wander to the Mediterranean, where I saw heaps of garbage on the boardwalk areas, and numerous large rats running around the heap. I thought that I should avoid the Mediterranean; even in the morning when it looked beautiful.

I made my way to Jerusalem, and spent the night in a cheap hotel. It was cold and the room only provided two sheets. When evening came, I was approached by a local at the doorway, asking me if I wanted a date. The establishment had an hourly rate, and it wasn't until after that incident that I realized what these rooms were intended. I spent the next two nights at a more expensive hotel.

The Hasidic Jews continued to make their way to the Wall, and once there, they would habitually rock back and forth, saying their prayers. And everywhere I saw them, they were stoic, never approached me; they seemed like they had someplace important to go with no time to chat with foreigners who didn't wear black garb and a thin brim hat.

The young local Israelis would go to popular night clubs, dancing and drinking--although I did not enter their establishments; it was not a pious activity.

I took a bus from Jerusalem to Capernaum, by way of Jericho. While waiting for a bus, a bomb-scare occurred. Someone left a blue bag alone, next to me. It turned out, after the bomb squad arrived and moved people to safety, after investigating, an authority opened the bag and threw out some sand in the air. Everything just went back to normal. I took the tour bus to Capernaum, on the Sea of Galilee, and as I was having lunch at an outdoor cafe, a young Arab man approached me, mainly to sell me Hashish. I politely declined and he walked away. I continued down to the Sea of Galilee.

It was January 1986, and I made it back to Tel Aviv. While sitting in the airport, I saw a post card stand, and left my back pack in visual range, some twenty yards(meters) away. Two or three Israeli soldiers stood around my back pack. I quickly went to obtain my belongings. I left Israel's Ben-Gurion airport for Greece.

The September 11, 2001 attack on world commerce.
I was asleep at the time of this incident, just waking up, I heard the radio of airplanes attacking the "Twin Towers." Later, when I learned that the twin towers held companies of world commerce, and that perhaps blocks away, the United Nations, a world organization for peace, that the shift of Muslim hostilities reached this country; that Jewish nationalities held occupations and vocations at the twin towers...

The perception of an attack by a few dozen rouge Muslim extremists on commercial centers, and on Jewish people working at the site, does not indicate every Muslim deserve blame, using American lives in their plot. Although, all Muslims benefited, as many cheered this attack, an assault, not on world commerce, but on the United States. I wondered who took the day off that day, who was forewarned of the imminent dangers. But this information will not be released. Because that would indicate who knew what was going to occur that fateful day, some 3000 miles from where I live.

Living in Oregon, USA
I seldom see a Muslim. I seldom see Christians. I generally see people living their lives according to their governments that have been assigned over them, despite being evil. They do not question the rationales, the decisions, the administrative decisions to remove freedom daily, and place more restrictions and laws against your being, and your children. Another generation lives a little less free.

My perception of Israel as a nation is with mixed feelings. I too live under a very oppressive regime of United States occupation. I too do not live in my homeland. The military keeps the international governments engaged in commerce, and international trade that selectively prohibits countries from free trade through the United Nations administrative process that is no authority at all, but a means to obtain a dialogue that will be used against you later. The results of September 11th effected all freedoms.

Perceptions of Religion
Muslims, Christians and Jews have a long literary history and trace their spiritual linage to Abraham. The Koran suggests that Jesus is a Prophet and a teacher, except Muslims reject His teachings, which influenced their prophet Muhammad. I think little can be said of the God, that all three worship. Because while they say they worship the same God, many see separate gods in the writings. Seldom to people change if they were shown the Truth. And that is, after all, what adherents to any religious system must confess: to be seekers of Truth. Instead of maintaining the status of their country or its elders. Jesus, Yashua, or the literal translation of the Name you select, should remember perceptions of Jesus, Yashua who rejected the elders of his country and sought something new, a spiritual Kingdom, on earth. I think if a person were to align their own religious beliefs with the availed belief systems, they would be closer to finding truth.

My thought on Edessa, the place of the Apostle Thomas, a Christian city
The ancient city of Edessa, a Syrian town, amidst the modern country of Turkey, is governed by Muslims. In the year 300, Christians were martyred during the Diocletian persecution in the town that still held apostolic documents from the Apostle Thomas; a town won by Christian virtues, yet seized by Muslim warriors throughout the centuries; that was regained during the Crusades, that was besieged again, that was ruled under Byzantine governments, and now remains a Muslim town that perhaps outlaws Christian beliefs. The town of Nicea, the ancient town that held together so many Christian Bishops for the historic Council of Nicene Fathers, however, this town remains a small Muslim town under similar conditions.

The Nation of Israel
The nation of Israel is a secular nation obtained over 60 years ago. It is not a religious government. The Muslims desire to obtain this land, not by peaceful means, but by wars and disruptions to daily living. I would not condone blowing up cafes, just to strike terror in your enemies. Muslims will not voluntarily return two ancient cities, they continue to maintain, won by conquest, by war, by killing the inhabitants from years of battles. Old wars foster new wars. One cannot get reasonable results from unreasonable opponents.

Muslims had a noble warrior who obtained respect from Christians in ancient times. Saladin had decision and diplomacy skills that brought Muslims respect. I don't see any Saladins in the modern Arab world. I do not see Muhammad in your Muslims. I don't see any literary geniuses, noble statesmen, in the Muslim community. And I suppose, that, like Gandhi, you do not see Jesus or Yashua in any of our Christians.

Perceptions of suicide bombers
The Arabs have not won the propaganda wars. The American perception of these suicide bombers: desperate, depressed, and hopeless; that virgins await them for killing infidels. Perhaps I could be viewed an Infidel by the Muslim extremists, and I don't think that killing me, they could obtain any blessing.

My personal perceptions on being a Muslim
When I was on the Mount of Olives, Jesus (Yashua) offers me the Beatitudes, a few Arabs offer me Hash. For the most part, Muslims remind me of Protestantism: They seek successful careers in the world of commerce, while a few monks live in the desert. A protestant acts no different than a Muslim despite wearing different hats, cloths, or other articles, and the book they read. Just as the Hasidic do not represent all of Jewish orthodoxy, neither do all Muslims believe the same.

If your book inspires you to kill people, perhaps it is time to buy a new book. Perhaps it is time to write your own religious beliefs, of what you believe. At least you cannot blame Muhammad for all of your wicked deeds. You can blame yourself, so your God is not to blame, whether Allah, Jehovah, or Yashua.

Muhammad wrote to you in the year 600, at a time when you needed to hear from your own people. He did not foresee satellites, television, cellular phones, large American forces occupying your countries, trying to destabilize your countries with tribal disputes. He wrote for that time. He wrote to your forefathers. If Jesus (Yashua) corrected the path for the Jewish person who believed in Moses exclusively, which Muslim can correct the path of Muhammad, and Muslims. Which Muslim is pure enough to go to the mountain and talk to God, your God, without dying on the Mountain? I think that if a Muslim were to experience God; he too would become a Christian, not like a Protestant Christian seeking wealth of the world, but seeking Truth to share. The people die for lack of knowledge.

I wrote my own beliefs within book form. I can only be a heretic or infidel if I transgress my own beliefs.

Modern events
I have burned Christian bibles. Not to keep warm and not to offend anyone. I burned them because they were worn, dilapidated and well-used volumes. I buried the ashes. I do not worship books.

I would burn a Koran book if it needed to be burned, if it could keep me warm during a cold winter and I did not have a warm jacket. I wouldn't waste my time, otherwise. I would not feel offended if someone used bibles to keep warm in the deserts. Muslims come to this country to escape their dictators and religious sultans but find that this country is far more evil than their own country; that buying its products, going to universities continues the dominance of American culture.

Perceptions of my previous perception into adulthood
When I was a child, I was taught that the Bedouins would shampoo their hair in camel dung, to give it that brilliant black sheen; and that they drank the blood of camels to obtain nutrients in the desert. I was taught that Arabs were hard working peoples who were pious in their religious beliefs. I was taught that every town had a "chop chop" block in the middle of town, that the threat of cutting off hands or heads prevented thefts, adultery, and murder; that a wallet or purse, if dropped would remain where it had fallen, that the threat of the "chop chop" block in the market square prevented many crimes in Arab countries. In America, I dropped my wallet in the middle of a town, on a busy street, next to my dental office, and when I returned to my vehicle it was still there, with $400 in cash, where I promptly paid for my dental services.

I find that it is difficult to perceive that I may not take my belongings to a holy site, but it is perceptibly acceptable for a Muslim to enter an aircraft, or a country, with explosives and weapons, attempting to bring it down, for no other reason than to kill; and that a bag of sand from the desert, a few miles away from the Dome of the Rock, threatens to blow me up. At the Dome of the Rock, I was told to leave my belongings unattended: otherwise, one could accuse me of not being trustful, but not ignorant of my experiences. What contraband has made it inside the Dome of the Rock by Muslims?

I live in a place too that has perceptions of me. Not based upon experience, not based upon previous detriment to actions or inactions, but just because I wore a beard, that I had longer hair, that I ate second helpings, that sometimes I ate meats that others consider unclean; and when they judge me of my religious beliefs of my freedoms and what matters to me, outside of my written beliefs; they judge themselves. The perceptions of my behavior, comes before my written beliefs, and my actions.

Moreover, I help people who need it. I assist those whom I can. I try to do kind acts randomly. I try to correct things even though I might have immediate, personal reprisals. I don't worry about the small things of my beliefs. Experience contradicts written tenants, and quick decisions require immediate action, that does not allow us to read what to do next. I think in any sense of earnest discourse that one finds common ground, and one must overcome the derogatory terms, against spiritual beliefs: Infidel, which is in three syllables. Sometimes perceptions is how one spells, punctuates. The scripture teaches that the Lord will redeem those whom are worthy, not by written beliefs merely, but righteous acts. Acts of kindness are always in season.
writerblock   
Dec 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Perceptions of Muslims/Arabs [8]

I appreciate your quick look though. I see through the strike thru that you at least found some wit in the book burning that was made very contentious a few months back. I see your point on the commas, but I overlook the legal ramifications of comma usage if the essay is effective. thanks again
writerblock   
Dec 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Perceptions of Muslims/Arabs [8]

This essay is Not a persuasive essay, with an intro, body, and conclusion. This is an exploratory essay, and the subject matter is the author, who is an American citizen under the oppressive USA regime. The fact that I too do not have a "spiritual homeland" as Palestinian Arabs. The essay is to point out that "perceptions" may be true or untrue. However they are still the perceptions of experience based upon some education.

PFM, or Emily, you did not say that my perceptions of "chop chop" block are untrue, nor on the camel dung shampoo, nor on the various authorities in Jerusalem telling people to leave their belongings here or there, where bomb scares are prevalent. If you would have pointed out where I am ignorant and where I am highly judgmental, it would have been more helpful. thanks

BTW, the Mount of Olives is a different place than the Dome of the Rock.
writerblock   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Time Travel and Paradoxical Implications -- Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [2]

Your intro that suggests time travel as plausible is the strength of this piece. Cut: , and etc.

Your point on "time turner" seems to make it a special device that is different that other time travel. And is a little confusing since I have not watched or read the Harry Potter themes.

Time travel is certainly a Hollywood motif that sells. There are at least a dozen movies and television series that comb over, not literally, this subject matter. I think time travel is also practical, since traveling East coast to west coast via Jet. I especially like the Star Trek episode to "slingshot" around the Sun, or the "edith keeler" must die. That is just me.

I don't know if I cancould cope with the futility. It suggests that you are given this "gift" but refuse it. You don't say what your word limit is, only that you are at 358

You could cut the harry potter stuff, or the grandfather paradox. The Cassandra example is not really of time travel, but the gods, inform her of future ominous events, which sounds more like a prophetess, and not a time traveler.

Your last line, suggests the "thesis" of this piece, with personal responsibility to the present, that can alter the outcome of the future, with the reoccurring perennial nature of the seasons in continuous motion.
writerblock   
Dec 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Perceptions of Muslims/Arabs [8]

pfm your statement: the man at the temple who wanted you to read from the Koran.

My writing:
I walked up on top of the Mount of Olives, a holy site for Christians...an Arab wanted me to read..

Two different events.

I understand that you think the essay is ineffective. I responded to your other statements.

The perceptions I have are not ideological. They are either facts or not. Chop chop. fact or fiction?
whether it is effective punitive punishments or law would be ideological.
whether Muslims take things they shouldn't into a Muslim holy site is fact or fiction.
perhaps a Muslims could assist in discussion, that is, why I wrote the essay.

PFM, or Emily, or whomever...thanks for starting the discussion, and the criticism. thomas

BTW, I did not ask you to Judge anything. Just to read and critique an essay for effectiveness.
thanks again.
writerblock   
Dec 31, 2010
Writing Feedback / Perceptions of Muslims/Arabs [8]

Any Muslims or Arabs who would like to clarify the substance and misconceptions of your culture and/or religion in this essay; it would be helpful. thanks.
writerblock   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Santa Clause-Somebody That Influenced Me a Lot [8]

The essay flows well. I am not a fan of the santa claus thing, but since that is the direction you took, i guess go with it. One word choice, and the last sentences were awkward. I can't really write it for you but I gave some suggestions.

briberies bribes

Actually, I will do better than him . I plan on making my generation the best extraordinary yet along with other individuals who have a sense (Could a sense of ethics be plural?) of strong ethics and leadership. I believe in the future. that we could change in .

change what? future, we all change future by doing something in the present (no pun).

I think since you have this idea of believing in fairy tales, which I am not so sure it is cute, the end of your essay should have some kind of "change" and that should end at: I believe in the future...or I believe in possibilities.

The believe in Change thing is already being used and misused. positive and negative.
instead of I believe that we could change....very awkward.
question is: what do you really believe. and then state what you believe. emphasize it if need be.
tdd
Need Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳