Undergraduate / "chronological order your activities" - Smith, Bryn Mawr, and Middlebury [3]

This is one out of five essays that I am writing for my admissions application to Smith, Bryn Mawr, Middlebury, and New College of Florida.

Subject: If you are not currently enrolled in college full-time, please describe in detailed chronological order your activities since last enrolled in school full-time.

Does my essay satisfy the instructions, and are there are grammatical errors? Is the essay eccentric yet definitive in its proclomation of activities?

Thru the spring and summer of 2010, I devoted my time to a four star restaurant in Winter Park FL, and a tea and sandwich house across the street from the University of Central Florida so that I could amass tuition for the fall of 2010. Rather than studying at eclectic cafes and pondering the abysmal quality of sherbet skies, I abstained from social interaction, horrified at the thought of an interruption of remuneration, and worked the maximum of forty hours per week at Houston's Restaurant. When not working at Houstons, I could be spotted behind the tinted glass of three panels serving hand brewed tea and intimidating sandwiches to the local fraternity brothers and sorority sisters of UCF. Between the shifts interlacing each other, giving grace to a few hours of freedom, I could be sited contemplating the theories of Heidegger among the shelved philosophers of Borders Bookstore.

Brooding on a constant basis appeared as the solidary activity I was persistently participating in during this seven months academic interruption; furthermore, I enjoyed the solitude of sitting for several hours at Natura Café and Jazz so that I could complete a multitude of readings. Each page ameliorated the plethora of difficulties I ruminated over on a daily basis: cultural disadvantages, hardships, and inexperienced and unadvised decisions. With ease I disparage the nights that I attempted to paint the town red; subconsciously surrounding myself with those whom simply subdued my existential angst and thwarted my inner growth, freedom of knowledge, and opportunities to truly experience life. It was the straining pressure of autonomously paying for tuition, books, rent, car payment and insurance, and extracurricular activities, and the consistent feeling of Nausee that blurred together the peculiarities of this particular period in my life; the chronological components danced without order and altered the tempo at their leisure. As the sonnet played with resonating bass, the singer swayed and hummed a virtuous, treacle lullaby: "never abandon virtue, which is an impetus to success".

With grandiose hopes of surrounding myself with a challenging academic environment, I hastily registered for fall classes in Philosophy, Literature, and Elementary French. Quickly following my enrollment in classes, I came to the ruinous awareness that I was too impecunious to be able to rely on my income for the following four months, which would have allowed me replete devotion to my academic studies. To say this was a complete mental and intellectual devastation would to ignore the passivity endured during the next 4 months. Quickly seizing my parent's offer of a spare room in their house, I returned to Arcadia Fl. so that I could once again attempt to accrue the plethora of dollar bills needed to attend college properly and respectfully; however, I was not prepared to promptly return home among the lamenting unemployed.

I have never put much thought into the antiquated saying that everything happens for a reason; but shortly after securing a volunteer position at a local rare and used bookstore, and systematizing a routine of a.m. studies (accompanied with a demitasse of Café Bustello), self-created prompts, and mandatory photography sessions of Arcadia, I understood the capable profundity of each action followed through in life. I believe this saying can be interpreted into a more personally controlled affiliation of the self by positing that each experience, action, and outcome can never be fully comprehended until it has happened.

With this new perspective on the ability to control every element of my life, I have begun to extract further extol for my academic freedom, while conscious of the veiled, possible impact on my intellect each step possesses. Reflecting the structure of a scholarly den, I continue to dissect literature and philosophy in the solitude of a personal classroom. The terse two hour break I allow myself from Plato, Kant, and Sartre arrives in the afternoon when Sofi ́a (my 1987, Trek 400) and I race each other to Crackerhouse Bookstore; and upon the front doors bell's dissonance floating into the distance, I find myself shoved in the children's section organizing and restocking; concentrating on the alphabetization of 1800-1900 Classic Literature; and guiding inquisitive guests to their desired area of readings.

Not only am I volunteering at a local bookstore, but I am also looking forward to holding a journalist and photography position at the local newspaper in January: covering a weekly book review and an article on the education system in DeSoto County. I most certainly plan to continue volunteering at Crackerhouse Bookstore; furthermore, I anticipate the completion of a short film on the languid mentality of a small town and its effect on culture, creative stimulation, and communal efficiency. It is with complete devotion to academics, creativeness, and intellectuality that I reserved the year 2010, and 2011 prospectively, so that I may become a part of the arduous and witty environment of a Liberal Arts College.

Undergraduate / "Photography is a slice of ephemeral tranquility" - Brief description of one activity [4]

The prompt is to briefly elaborate on one activity. I wanted to create an eclectic yet poignant expression of my passion for photography and its possibilities.

Grammar errors? Incoherency? Clear sentence structure?

Photography is a slice of ephemeral tranquility served alongside a silky smooth wave of chills. It is the astuteness renowned within every sense and concurrently flushed through the fingertips onto a screen. The meek yet majestic and ever precedent essence of pressing a dime-sized button rescinds reticently into ineffability. Any awareness and response reposed within myself has now been apprehended and restored within a single still-motion depiction of each. The task of disclosing the personally affiliated emotions within and external to the picture is felicitously sustained in a laconic preamble. This introduction survives as a cacophony rising above the dilettantes hovering in niches of dimly lit art galleries and cozy dorm rooms. Between the lines exclusive, autonomous opinion and feeling burgeon.

It is impossible to not include myself in this amalgamation of perspectives; nevertheless, the picture resembles not "I" or any emotion I had anteceding the shoot but the infinite universality of a viewer's freedom of observation. Taking into custody an idea arbitrarily inspired by human reality and transcribing a blithe imagination into "art" is the single most unfettering, yet creatively unifying activity. The comfort in exposing fervor without the common associations expectantly presupposed allows the life of the photograph to exist with omnipresence; the photograph is poignant and sensitive to the viewer, allowing amities to grow. Photography is the anchor man on mute; a pellucid pathos beneath light; the transcendence of human emotion void of commonality and exposure of individual surreptitiousness.

Undergraduate / obtaining a higher degree - "Why do you want to transfer" smith & others [14]

The prompt is what are my reasons for wishing to transfer and what goals do I hope to achieve? I am really trying not to go crazy over this essay. Smith, Bryn Mawr, and Middlebury are my dream colleges and attempting to possess acuity of what precisely they would like to hear, I have revised this speicifc essay 5 times.

Grammatical errors? Coherency issues? Sentence structure issues?
Thanks! I will reply by editing your posts!

My direct and simplistic reasoning's for transferring to a Liberal Arts College at this time is to obtain a higher degree than my Associate in Arts. More importantly, as I have graduated from a community college, I wish to transfer to a more academically flourishing college. The impersonal infrastructures of applying, registering, and attending classes have left a metallic flavor in my mouth and a craving for robust nutrients: witty and profound prompts, insightful challenges, and nourishing, tender amities. Upon entering into a Liberal Arts College I will aspire to understand with maximum capacity the knowledge and experience bestowed by each of my future professors. With the new challenges given by professors, I desire to procure scholarly independence from my fellow classmates and teachers so that I may grow self-sufficiently in intellectual academics- challenging theories and problems with my personal opinions so that they may exist in their entirety. I believe that a corollary of retracting from the surrounding academic environment will be a salubrious college experience for not only me but for my fellow classmates as well. The rigorous attention and profound questioning by professors and pupils, I feel, are essential components in the proliferation of a person's autonomous ability to critically analyze; and I hope to become an intellectual student who has gained from her challenging environment and academics the wit and drive of a scholar. Of course, it is without disregarding the relevancy of social interaction and without ignoring imperative communal participation that I am optimistic of participating in certain extracurricular activities: publishing articles for the college newspaper, enjoying rides with fellow cyclists, joining the local "French Table", viewing and discussing cinematic treasures with the film club, and extolling the surrounding architecture, environment, and people through photography.

My passion is to major in French and minor in Philosophy; and as I look forward to each subject being thoroughly understood , I am prepared for the trials and hurdles I will endure and overcome while learning to speak French fluently and while altering and acclimating my thoughts to critically analyze most thoroughly. Furthermore, I look forward to gaining confidence in conversing on the subjects of philosophy, literature, art, and film. I also expect to obtain a scholarly ability in analyzing Europe's affect over civilization, prosperity, and current affairs; modern revolution, evolution, and rebellion; film, screenplays, and directors; and literary movements (modernism and post-modernism, empiricism and rationalism, existentialism, and Platonism). Settling into my academic environment, I look forward to honing a thorough comprehension of French culture through the enjoyable yet cerebrally stimulating classes, students, and readings.

The exciting opportunity to view other student's writing skills and techniques is a necessary aspect of the college experience; and I am patient for the opportunity to apprehend such inspiration, which will bolster a creative expansion and reconstruction of my own writing style. The valuable comments and critiques on submitted essays provided by prospective professors will also enable me to revise and compose exhaustive compositions with minimal errors.

It is my ultimate goal to absorb these vast knowledge's and rousing experiences so that I may complete my pre-mature cinematic criticisms on the meaning and use of dichromatic film and its correlation to the existentialist battle of freedom( Wim Wender's Wings of Desire and Federico Fellini's 8 ˝); and possess a deeper ability in understanding Jean Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness, Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, and Friedrich Nietzche's Thus Spake Zarathustra so that I may finish with decorum my attempt to parallel the proliferation of materialism, gluttony, and the depletion of will to the Superman to modern day empiricism. It is also my current understanding that with the annex of such aspects as stated above I will continue to enjoy writing screenplays and short stories, and editing and producing short films.