Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Mohaimin
Joined: Jan 19, 2011
Last Post: Jan 3, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 10
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Mohaimin   
Feb 8, 2011
Undergraduate / Impressed by Emory - Perfect Balance of college [6]

Not very compelling. Yes, remove pedantic, and the part about the website is not very good. Mention something specific about Emory, like some professors or clubs, or role models who went there.

good Luck.
Mohaimin   
Feb 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Would the theme of my personal statement(sometime in the future) be inappropriate? [4]

I was thinking about writing about how I went though depression when I was a teenager and how overcoming it made me question my beliefs and have a better and clearer understanding of society, life, family, and education. this was the most significant part of my life...and I thought this would be something I could write on.

However, I have heard that one should not write about psychological problems one may have had, such as depression, suicidal thoughts, or any such things, as this would give the impression that the person is psychologically imbalanced, hence, not someone a university would want on their campus. Go figure.

But, what do you think?

p.s. I hope this message has not violated any "rules" of this website. If it has, i am sincerely sorry.
Mohaimin   
Aug 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "strengthen me both physically and mentally" - WHY DUKE ESSAY [5]

This is good, not great. If all essays were a penalty(soccer), this would not sail over the bar. But it would not be a goal either. It grazes the post and just misses. Your content is great, just put more of a voice into it.
Mohaimin   
Aug 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Dean Kamen happened" -draft of personal statement. [6]

We stood there anxiously, waiting for it to work. I reached by palms out, by then glistening with nervous perspiration, to tug at the wires once again. The nails lay in front of us, inviting us to use them to end it all. The tension had begun to get under our skin. My friend took the longest nail his clammy hands could find and raised his had in a stabbing motion, as I watched in horror. Before I could intervene, he brought it down with a thud, to end all our work for good. To my surprise, the wooden blob started spinning, and the bottle cap started its long awaited journey, mimicking an assembly line.

Damn, it's hard work making a piece of wood turn, we thought with big grins plastered on our faces.

It has been a while since I spent my Sundays building an assortment of strange scientific models. Perhaps, my fascination with models stemmed from my childhood obsession with Tony Stark. Perhaps I believed that I could create my own Iron Man with the scrap metal pieces and tangled mess of copper wires. Whatever the reason, a large percentage of my "experiments" were nothing short of fiascos. The massive amount of metallic trash accumulated through years of craziness underneath by bed bore witness to it. However, I did not stop trying my hand at it, I couldn't. It was way too much fun.

I had never believed that science could be the panacea of a society. Living in one of the ghetto type regions of this country, it was plainly evident. Technology was for rich kids to purchase, and for tech firms with million dollars of funding to produce. The middle class and the extreme poor were left entirely out of the equation. None of my friends had Ipods, or even cell phones. Why then should we care at all about science, so I thought.

Then, Dean Kamen happened.

Browsing through the few channels we get, I stumbled upon a man showing strange robots dance. It was pretty cool. But what really got my attention was the work he had done with them. Through FIRST, he had reached over 2500 children, provided them with the tools and knowledge to have their own inventions. Most impressive of all, almost all of these children, irrespective of what financial background they are form, went to college.

Years have gone by since I had come across FIRST, and many similar organizations, some of which I have worked with in later years. My appreciation for science and what is capable of doing has only grown with me.

But these thoughts were not what I had in mind when I saw the bottle cap moving, albeit with a number of bumps and bruises, towards its end point. It was a thing of intuitive beauty. Sometimes it doesn't matter what the global or social implications are. Sometimes science just makes you happy.
Mohaimin   
Aug 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Dean Kamen happened" -draft of personal statement. [6]

Really? I thought this was ****.

Have I done enough of the "show don't tell"? Does my personality come through?

By the way, most of the mistakes were typos. But thanks for pointing them out :)
Mohaimin   
Sep 5, 2011
Undergraduate / My First Participation in Long Distance Race Yale Supplement Eassy [5]

While I agree with KalinaLane that there is nothing really flawed about your essay topic, I would have to say that there is a lot that is missing from it. The most important thing which this essay lacks is the sense about context(how do I explain this...?) Try to paint a picture in the minds of the reader. For example,

Right now, I was standing at the scratch line with other participants and was ready.

how about adding what was going through your mind then? Or, how did the other participants look? Did it seem as if they were in a similar situation, or did it look like they had been doing this years?

You get the idea? I think giving these small details would help any reader actually connect with you. Try to write more vividly.

I hope KalinaLane, or anyone else, does not crucify me for my awful spelling, grammar and punctuation.
Mohaimin   
Oct 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Initially disappointed with physics' - Common app for Upenn [7]

I actually had no problem understanding the theme of the essay, and I think your theme is very good. No scratch that, I thought that was great.

While you might want to take others' advice about making the theme more clear, I believe it would be a huge mistake to underestimate the intelligence of the adcoms.

oh and btw,

"Stupid! There were young people who said that they would rather die than suffer the pain of illness. Nonsense!" I heard the voice of an old man I met in a nursing home. He had a severe stroke three years ago and the lower half of his body was paralyzed. His skin was as dry as tree bark and the bones on his hands protruded. Nevertheless, he was a man. He deemed his life worthy, and his illness never prevented him from loving his life.

The style here is somehow worse than in the rest of the essay. Maybe work on it a little more?
Mohaimin   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Numbers matter to me' - What matters and Why? [2]

What does it mean to matter? Is it to be important? If it is, then, perhaps what I would rate truth as the most important. No, not honesty. But the truth. Of course, they may be mutually inclusive at first glance, but perhaps not after some thought, when we realise that the truth is what one demands to hear, and that honesty is what we expect to receive, a mode of conduct. Truth is what we strive to find in the prosecution of war criminals, and honesty is what we believe will be the way towards it. But what if there is no such thing as the absolute truth? Beauty of an argument by my debate team is subjective, so is the definition of corrupt, greedy, happy, and even warmth and coldness. There can be no definite, abosolute truth. If it is so, then is everything opinionated? Are we all the followers of mass consensus, and our own opinions? If we are, our opionions must be based on facts, truth. But there is no absolute truth. So what is it that guides us after all? What is it that matters?

Numbers. Yes. That is what matters to me. Numbers are what give meaning to such trivialities such as the worth of a football player, or the efficiency of a processor. The number at the bottom right corner of his bank statement is what measures the success of an entrepreneur. A number represents the state of an economy, and lets us perceive what the citizens may be going through. The number a the bottom of this page is the truth about me, my id. But numbers go beyond giving meaning or a truth about a concept, or an idea. At times, we find meanings in numbers themselves, for I would never pass a 10 without reliving my days as a soccer player. Nor would I ever be able to suppress a wry smile when I come across the number 547, one up to which I needed to save up so that I could buy my own book.

Yes, numbers matter to me. They set targets I need to reach: a number of underprivileged students I need to help get tuition, an amount of funds I need to reach, or points I need to earn. They drive me. Truth may not exist at all, but numbers enable us to disavow centrism, and inch closer to it.

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I'm probably gonna throw this away unless I can make this better...So help me out if you can. If no, just be honest, and tell me that I should rewrite. It's okay.
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