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Posts by kusanagi1981
Joined: May 29, 2011
Last Post: Sep 14, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 16  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 19
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kusanagi1981   
Jun 3, 2011
Scholarship / "Bangladesh is a very poor country"- reasons to apply, scholarship essay in Education [5]

Hi.I sent this statement of purpose for a specific scholarship program and it didn't work out. I don't know how to write a statement of purpose actually. I didn't ask any academic but just did some personal research on the web and managed to write this one. There is another scholarship deadline so I need some help write away!!!!!!!! I am thinking of applying at the department of 'International education' at a university in the UK. I think I had put lots of unnecessary information most probably! I am sorry if it looks like a complete mess but I did what I thought was right. I just want someone to read it and how does it look like. Please criticize as much as you need to improve it! To me, it's nowhere near appropriate. It doesn't stand-out.

I don't know. :( I am also providing with the instruction in bold letters.

So, here it is :

Personal Statement:

Describe in not more than 2,000 words, your reasons for applying for the course you wish to follow and explain how it will help you with the work you expect to do on your return to your home country.

You should include an outline of your intended profession, your ambitions and your career plan.

Describe also, your most outstanding non-academic achievement involving other people where you demonstrated leadership potential (you may describe an extra curricular/sport/community/professional activity or an assignment):


Not only do I like teaching but I also think it's the best way to be in a learning process for the life time. It's a great way to keep advancing one's knowledge. The education system always made me wonder if we could do things a bit differently. Having 3 separate system of school education have created different perspectives and values in addition to our own personal point-of-view. As a small child, a person learns only the very basic of things. To build that foundation, we need one single nationally accredited system which Bangladesh still lacks. That very system should have the proper concurrent syllabus to allow us to be in the global competition. Because of the lack of our current national curriculum that the children are used to now, the face a lot of challenges when they grow up and seek higher education. They are almost immediately able to understand the huge gap they have to fill if they want to acquire proper knowledge for pursuing higher studies. I would like to learn how to blend and unify all the different curriculums that are dividing the quality of our education and try to help in creating a possible model of a single unified national education system in our country.

Although I have majored in Literature, I have chosen teaching as my career out of my passion for the classroom environment. A classroom is the place where young minds are shaped and educated and there is a lot of learning going on for both teacher and student alike. I want to have a postgraduate degree in International Education because it will help me to better understand how the education systems in different nations are being conducted. Understanding what theories developed countries are applying in their current curriculum will update my knowledge as an educator. I would like to use this experience in my research. My primary focus will be the education system in developing countries such as countries in South Asia.

The fact that Bangladesh is very poor has affected its pace of literacy in many ways. There is a huge lack of qualified specialists to train the teachers. Furthermore, equal opportunity is still something we are struggling for. Also, education is spreading slowly but it is concentrated around the big cities. Creating more opportunities for girls and ethnic minorities is also crucial for the development of our country. New policies should be made regarding budgets, sufficient teaching staff, and allotting funds for very poor children who attends school, applying programs such as breakfast program or free education up till a certain grade will eventually help produce a more modern, scientific, and approved education system that will be recognized not only in our continent but also across the world.

I am already in the teaching profession. Teaching has always served me something very rewarding. Working with students of different background taught me how to interact with people as well as learn how to teach better.I would not say it was my ambition to be a teacher to be honest. I have always wanted to be a researcher, and possibly in some field related to development and thats why I am in this profession to acquire a hands on experience. Although I majored in literature, the ongoing system of education in our country and the policies that are behind it made me think about working on them. Many of the policies regarding primary education, creating or reforming the national curriculum, methods of recruitment or training teachers, and most importantly how the economical and political state is constantly affecting our education made me realize that not much work has been done in this particular field, which is why Im interested to work in it.

It's without a doubt that language plays a vital part in education since it is the base of what we learn. In our country there are three different systems under which millions of student sit for secondary and higher secondary school examination. These systems are operated in three different languages i.e. Bengali, English and Arabic. Bangladesh has quite a few ethnic societies and all of them have their own languages. It is crucial that what we learn as children should be in our mother tongue because that gives us the ability to fully understand the meaning of the things that we are taught. Realizing the proper meaning of our institutional education helps us achieve our aim more easily when the education is not in any other language than our own tongue. But people of the minor ethnicity are not being able to do that and are somewhat forced to learn everything in a different language without their willful consent. This is a very delicate issue which needs to be addressed as soon as possible as the number of these minor ethnics continue to grow. Policies need to be made fast to accommodate the growing number of native people enrolling in schools to receive proper education. Instead of operating two different sets of curriculum based on two different languages, a bilingual education can be introduced.

Bangladesh is a very poor country whose economic state causes instability in the field of education. Poverty is the major reason which keeps the number of literate people in country at the bay of illiteracy. It so happens frequently in a poor family that children are sent to work at a very early stage of their lives to support their families. Uneducated parents cannot bear even the minimal cost of education where they are striving to earn money for food everyday. To prevent that, the government has introduced some beneficial schemes in the primary level where free food is given to the children who attend school regularly. But even these schemes are not working to their fullest. Many children attend school and take the food home for their family. Young girls suffer the most in this case. Using religious values and sentiments, many people try to prevent girls from going to schools in the villages. To them it's not necessary for women to receive the same institutional education as men. They are taught that girls duties are at home as good wives to their husbands who will tend to all their necessities and provide them with what they need to get by in life. Therefore, uneducated parents reconsider sending their daughters to school because of such social pressure and hence girls are absent from schools in a large number of the population. This is causing our country to lose the already declining state of literacy even more. To prevent these things from happening strong policies should be made and enforced with strict regulations.

I was into sports since school until my graduation from university. But I was always a part of the team under the instruction of a qualified captain. But in academic affairs I did not have a leader figure in particular other than the course instructors and lecturers. When I was a student in the 3rd of my university we were given an objective to come up with an outline of a proposed idea of how an assignment should be completed. It was a group project, each of which consisted of 10 students, 1 being the leader. After our course instructor gave us a general idea, our job was to collect every single detail relating to that topic. As the group leader, I had to go through the topic of the assignment over and over again. All the members in my group had to do a personal research on the topic for a day or two and then we organized a group discussion as to how we should proceed. Everyone had their own idea as to how we should approach the assignment and meet our deadline. I listened to 5 different methods of how we can do it from my group. After we shared our ideas we chose the best ones randomly. It was my job to organize the whole team. I asked them to work as pairs as that would increase our group's efficiency. I gave a pair to search for the necessary reference books available in the university library and another pair to go to the public library. Another pair took up the job of collecting data from journals. The rest of us started studying our class copies, scrutinizing for important information. We were given 2 weeks to complete this work. There was much to be done. After 5/6 days of intensive research we came up with a plan to write the whole assignment. I thought it was a better idea to split the whole subject into smaller parts after which we could join them up to create our first complete draft. I divided each group to write something different i.e. one group was given to write the general background information relating to the topic. Another team was writing about the author himself and about the core idea of the assignment or the structure etc. I had to sum up everything in the end which seemed like a feasible idea at first but after a while I figured it was the hardest part of all our efforts. Every pair wrote something from their own perspective, even though they were given a general outline. To unify and assemble that many ideas seemed like a mammoth task. In addition to that, I had to provide all the foot-notes and a list of reference books and journals at the end of the assignment. After making a draft I had a discussion with all my team-mates and listened to what they had to suggest for further changes or improvements. Afterwards, I wrote down the final draft of the assignment with every ones contribution. The easiest part was to have it spiral bound in plastic cover to be presented as per instructed by the lecturer.

From my experience as a leader I have learned that leading a team is far from easy. A group member has someone to instruct him if he has a problem. But for the leader he is on his own to make his decisions. And if he cannot lead his group successfully or seems doubtful of his own decisions then he loses the respect of his team members. In a group it is very important for a leader to project the confidence that exudes authority and assurance to his team members. Because unless a leader commands respect, he only has a group of reluctant subordinates and not willing and helpful ones. My personal experience from the leadership of my team has taught me that the true rank of leadership has to be earned through the love and respect of your team-mates. While my temporary leadership was a bit hard it was also very rewarding in the end when my team obtained the highest mark on the said assignment. The successful completion of our objective gave me much confidence that I could well operate as a leader under stress and manage a group.
kusanagi1981   
Jun 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / My Essay on the Advantages and the Disadvantages of Studying Abroad [4]

Ididn't quite understand what you meant by "This kind of people usually agonise when tackling new sort of housing that is different from his own homeland." I did what I could. I hope I was a bit helpful. You need to provide the essay with a proper conclusion too. Good luck!
kusanagi1981   
Jun 4, 2011
Scholarship / "Bangladesh is a very poor country"- reasons to apply, scholarship essay in Education [5]

Like I said, its no where near a personal statement and it's a mess. I actually didn't get the idea what should be written. I saw in some samples that people put stories of their lives as to how this and that motivated them etc. Should I have done that more? Since it's a for a scholarship, I needed to show what can I contribute to my country after getting this degree.

Well thanks for your help and pointing out the self-contradictory parts. I will try to write something more meaningful.
kusanagi1981   
Jun 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / Mass media means a bridge between people in different places [6]

winniesun

Hi there.It's quite difficult to improve your language skill in just one month! Learning a language needs lots of practice of reading and writing. But since you have an exam in a month I think I can give you some tips first.

Try to watch English language programs as much as you can. Since it's the IELTS, you can do some good by listening to the BBC news. You can improve your reading skill by regularly reading The Guardian Uk newspaper online which I found to be quite excellent. It has a large number of articles on different topics and it has interesting videos which can be helpful for your listening skill. The trick for IELTS is to maintain your time in the examination.

Good luck on your IELTS exam! I hope you do well!!!
kusanagi1981   
Jun 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / My Essay on the Advantages and the Disadvantages of Studying Abroad [4]

Thank you very much EF_kevin! I really appreciate your kindness. I like helping others with English as much as I can because I am struggling with it too!!! I thought if I try to help others I need to brush up my level regularly. As a result, I will never be out of practice!!!!
kusanagi1981   
Jun 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS exam: Should children play or study? [6]

Hi there! Your essay is quite good. :D You can add a bit more information.

Okay, so, in the 2nd paragraph you can add that - Letting children have some fun time besides school can teach them valuable lessons. For example, they learn to share things like toys or they face new situations which teaches them how to react in similar situations in the future.

Classmates can also be friends.

I am a bit confused about this essay. What age is exactly a very young age? When young children start studying it doesn't particularly mean that they have a lot to study for. In todays world, young children study and play at the same time at school!!!!! You know, the learn-through-playing stuff I am talking about. I think, besides saying that you completely agree on letting children play at a very young age, you can also find some balance between studying and playing because you are supposed to compare 2 separate views. Your essay lacks that part.

Otherwise, this one is quite good!
kusanagi1981   
Jul 19, 2011
Undergraduate / Graduate level statement of purpose on Educational Research. [7]

Hello.I am trying to write a graduate level statement of purpose on Educational Research. I wrote a draft but its not coming that well. My problem is when I try to write 'why I became interested in this particular field' I can't go on any further except for saying that I have always wanted to do research because of lack of sufficient educational researches in my own country. Also I added that after finishing my graduate studies I will be able to contribute my new experience and skills to the development of my country etc. I don't think this is near good enough. I can't even explain my own skills as a teacher! I have majored in Literature with Psychology and Sociology as my minor subject. How can I related them to my goal in becoming a researcher in education?

How do you show that you have leadership abilities? I didn't do any community works to prove that. Before even finishing my university I started working at a school. I also tutor 4/5 students who needs extra care. Is there any reason I should add these information to the SOP? How do you answer-Why might you be a stronger candidate for graduate school-and more successful and effective in the profession or field-than other applicants?

Thank you.
kusanagi1981   
Aug 24, 2011
Scholarship / "born in Amman, Jordan - middle class family" - brief biography about myself [5]

If you are asked to write ONLY about your life then it's quite okay except for your and your father's birth date. But, I don't know how would this help in a scholarship essay. The scholarship committee will look for deserving candidates so you have to give some evidence that your hardship of life has made you who you are now. Also, this whole sentence needs rewriting:

my best friend who went ...

What your best friend did is not relevant for this essay. You need to look for your own unique skills which makes you stand out of a bunch of other candidates.

You need not write dear sir or madam since it's not an application.It's an essay right? Also:

I have graduated This summer I graduated with an average of 92 from Terra Sancta collage . I decided to study mechanical engineering so I'm applying for this scholarship hoping to attain my dreamsIn hopes of becoming a mechanical engineer, I am applying for this scholarship. It will help me fulfill my dream. , It wouldwill be my pleasure to attend to attend BYU in the winter session of 2012.

Good luck! :) Hope this helps a bit.
kusanagi1981   
Apr 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay about my racial, cultural, and social identity [2]

Hey there.I am not quite sure about this one :

being male means I'm the special one

Do you really feel you are special just because you are a man? Instead, you could talk about being protective or responsible since you are stronger etc. But then again it's your point of view.
kusanagi1981   
Apr 24, 2012
Scholarship / Questions about writing a scholarship essay [7]

Hi everyone. I got into a UK university and they are offering a very good postgraduate scholarship (applicable for all international applicants) which I intend to apply as an international applicant. I do have one/two questions and I would appreciate it very much if some one can help me out a bit. :D

1.I got into the university in my country on a sports quota, as a volleyball player that is.But I topped the classes all through my university life but also achieved highest marks in my department.My question is should I put this "sports quota" thing in my scholarship essay? Is it even relevant? The scholarship is nothing about sports though. I didn't write about it my personal statement.

2. I did write about my inspiration (who inspired me and how) and how passionate/serious I am about this path (teaching) I took. But how much of the essay should it cover? Most of it?

3. I have seen some winning scholarship essay which have titles.I started with a quote which has a good link with my essay. Is title mandatory or something?

Thank you in advance! :)
kusanagi1981   
May 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / Education, The world's most powerful tool [7]

So, I am done checking. Hope it helped. But a word of advice. Try not to write very long sentences. Break them into small sentences. It's easier to get the meaning out of it. Good luck! :)
kusanagi1981   
May 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Education, The world's most powerful tool [7]

I was glad to help. I love helping others. I am really happy that you scored good! Please help others with their writings/ideas whenever you have time too. :D
kusanagi1981   
Apr 16, 2013
Scholarship / Questions about writing a scholarship essay [7]

Scholarship Essay

Hi everyone. I would like to know something about writing a scholarship essays.I am writing a scholarship essay expressing my interest in studying Education. I have recently started sponsoring a 6 year old underprivileged girl through a youth foundation which works to increase literacy among poor children. Should I add this info in an encouraging way such as " My interest in Education has inspired me to help a child to get primary education" etc. Or does it sound like showing off???????

Any advice will help. Thank you.

:)
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