Writing Feedback / To be a responsible adult,children should manage their own money at the young age [2]

I wish every professional could help me advise my essay and I welcome any advice and criticism. Thanks a million~

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at the young age."

MY ESSAY:

When it comes to the issue whether children should manage their money at the young age, different voices are presented. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement for two following reasons.

To begin with, commanding money well is a helpful and habit when children have to manage their own money as growing up. When being mature, they can always have much quicker and more intelligent financial strategy as handling their money. Parents have the responsibility to educate their children fundamental financial basics by advising them beneficial methods of saving money or having them watch financial magazines such as Business Weekly. Through this way, children develop their common sense to money and start to realize the economic phenomenon in the business field. Take my good friend for example- his family owed a bunch of money for to some companies because they failed the business. However, his father never stopped reminding his son the importance of saving money and the philosophy of using it wisely. He therefore has developed the good command to money and paid off all those debts recently.

On the other side, if children don't have the access to their money no matter the amount it counts, they will never know the feeling of saving money- finding the deposit gradually increased- and the pain of loosing money as well. Some reports of my home country have shown that more than half of the undergraduate students have to pay banks average USD$2,000 to compensate their debts after graduating. Therefore, it is critical that parents should release some controls of money to their young children for letting them dominate their budgets just like the government gives most controls of the currency to the market. All in all, having them experience the financial failures early is better than having themselves go bankruptcy at their latter lives.

In conclusion, early education of financial basics should start as early as possible. Through saving and budgeting money, and keeping track of their living expenses, children can learn how to be responsible for their money and avoid being a card-debater in the future days.

Writing Feedback / Work for the company or go for our own business? [6]

Would you like to work for others company or to go into your own business? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

MY ESSAY:

The issue of whether to work for the company or to go to our own business is thought-provocative. As far as I am concerned, running our own business is preferable to me. There are two reasons to explain why I think so.

Firstly, running our own business is one way that can make our dreams come true. If we worked for others companies through our full lives, we could never fulfill and demonstrate what we are looking forward during our lifetime. Take my close friend-Emma-for example- she has worked in the well-known hi-tech corporation for several years and she never felt satisfied with the company. In the end, she quit her job in this spring and started doing what she had been longing for-opening the coffee shop. Like most beginner, she encountered countless difficulties and experienced plenty of disappointing and struggling-leaving her ex-boyfriend for totally focusing on her business, selling out all her valuable property such as luxurious house and car for accumulating more capital, and losing 10 kilograms weights. However, she barely complained about these tough/ hard circumstances/situations but regarded them as challenges and testament the God sent to make her stronger. Finally, she passed through all those torture and learned many lessons from mistakes. At present, she has already opened another branch of her coffee shop successfully.

In addition, we can possess more freedom by running our own business. We enjoy our everyday works regardless how urgent works are. On the contrary, we stay in the changeless routine when we have to work for others- getting into the office, meeting with supervisors from each departments, introducing new programs to customers, checking the income and outcome of annual financial report, and then backing home wearily. Days are always the same, like the train always keeping itself on the constant track, and gradually we lose the sight of our goals and the passion of lives. However, since we are only responsible for ourselves, we are able to stay in more energetic status and face any situation of lives positively.

All in all, going into our own business is more appealing to me since we can be much stronger and happier and, the most important of all, get our dreams come true.

Thanks for your revising! So appreciated!

Writing Feedback / "He who hesitates is lost" + "modern technological world" - short compositions [3]

I will attend the TOEFL-replacement test soon, and the writing should be finished in 15 minutes. So I have two short essays here for revise. I really appreciate everybody help.

Students are given fifteen minutes in which to write a short composition on a topic such as:
1. "He who hesitates is lost" is a very common saying here. What do you think of it?

My writing:
From my point of view, this idiom describe that the man who can't make up the mind right away is easy to lose chances. Most people have a plenty of schedule and doing list for being done, so it is impossible that we can handle everything perfectly as we wish. We could just do and try as hard as we can. Some people hesitating or deliberating things too much may easily lose the critical time for making the action. Therefore, they always got nothing in the long run.

Take my self-experience as an example- I was prom to waste time in hesitating such as to take the bus or metro, to choose the class I have or want to, or to hand out with friends or stay with my parents. Beyond my expectation, I missed both the bus and metro; I didn't add any class I have or want to; I disappointed either side of my friends and family.

Up to now, I have learned many lessons from losing a lot of precious chances because of my hesitation. Therefore, I believe that the man who hesitates is lost.

2. Many things in this modern technological world, such as television and rapid transportation,
have caused significant changes in the way people live. In your parents' youth things were
probably very different from the way they are now. What are some of the things that are worse?
Discuss.

My writing:
The advent of technology brings significant changes on either transportation or communication that is really different from the past. Although transportation such as subways, cars, buses, and trains facilitate people lives, it has also caused lots of problems like air and water pollutions. Since most creatures' habitats have been taken for the transportation constructions, their living sources are cruelly decreased and therefore they are gradually dying and become extinct. In addition, many plants have died because of the polluted air and water that deadly threatened their lives.

To sum up, I think the whole environment has mostly been negatively affected that seems to need a long time for recovery.