Writing Feedback / IELTS (CHILDREN AND TV vs. SPENDING TIME OUTDOORS) [3]

Dear all,

Kindly review/comment/correct the essay written in 40mins under exam-like condition. Many thanks.

Regards,
New Learner (26)

Research shows that children spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. What are the reasons for this development? What measures could be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors?

The advancement of technology that the current world is experiencing was a quantum leap from the early 80s. Children today are said affected by this phenomenal achievement following a research suggested that they spend more time watching tv than playing outdoors. This essay will look into the reasons to the change of trend and provide measures to encourage and nurture children to healthy outdoors.

The improvement in term of quality of life has allowed families regardless both poor or rich to own at least a tv at home. In contrary to the early days, tv is much more affordable now and has become one of the necessities in any household. Children have direct access to tv that provides vast channels particularly via cable such as the Cartoon Network and Niockelodeon. As a result, children tend to watch tv which is more appealing to them than playing outdoors.

It is certainly an unhealthy way of growing up in front of tv's monitor. Parents shall play their role in the curtailment of excessive time spent by their children on tv by restricting and limiting the duration of screen. Apart from that, parents should encourage their children to watch educational tv channels such as Discovery Kids and National Geography that promote people including children to learn and appreciate their surroundings while doing outdoor activities.

To sum up, the habit of children to watch TV at home is inevitable as the medium of entertainment will be continuously growing. Nevertheless, parents are still able to control their children by capping the usage of tv and encourage them to do more outdoors by any appropriate means. It is hoped that the children in the current and future generations would continue enjoy the fun of outdoors than just contain themselves in the digital world.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - School Graduate with negative attitudes - Cause and Solution [3]

Hi all,

This is my 2nd post and i hope i will be getting feedback from fellow forumer as i am preparing for my upcoming IELTS test.

Many young people nowadays graduate from schools with negative attitude. Why do you think this happens? What can be done to solve or reduce this problem?

In the present age, education has becoming more important and available. In line with this, the number of school graduates is increasing as well. Recent research suggested that many young people graduated from schools tend to display negative attitudes including selfishness, self-conceit, passive and lack of socializing skill. This essay will discuss the potential causes and provide remediation to this issue.

The nature of competitiveness in school coupled with parents' higher expectation has mounting the pressure on students. Students are tailored to endeavor solely on academic excellence and often being compared to their peers. Despite the healthy competition in term of academic achievement, such mentality has negative repercussion on the personal attitudes. For instance, unwillingness to share reading materials with others in order to obtain top rank in class would certainly develop into selfishness. In addition, academic focused student tend be passive due to lack of outdoor exposure and engagement in social activities.

Every cloud has a silver lining and this does applies in preventing students from developing negative attitudes at school. Academic oriented school should emphasize extra-curriculum activities for their students through the inception of after school clubs such as the toastmasters club, sports club and charity club. By engaging in these activities, positive value particularly teamwork and communication skill can be instilled among the students.

To sum it up, negative attitudes possess by graduates is ensuing from over academic oriented study environment. It is hoped that the obsession of being the top of class can be balanced with healthy activities that would produce graduate with positive characteristics.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Local & International news , which is more important ? [4]

Some people focus on national news, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and offer your opinion.

The media world has become increasingly important in the 21st Century since the advent of the internet. News can be fetched and easily accessible regardless geographical position of the reader. Recently, an argument on whether it is better to focus on local or international news has sparked a debate. Both views will be discussed and analysed before a reasoned conclusion can be reached.

On the one side, people tend to focus on local news as they are more relevant to their daily life. For instance, majority Malaysian follow the national political development as it impacts various aspects of their life including finance, health and education. The relevancy of local news allows people to express their concerns and to discuss the current issues happening around them. This point shows the importance of following up the national news over international news.

On the other side, some people think it is crucial to be aware of international news due to the competitiveness of this globalized world. For example, China has emerged as the fastest growing nation in term of economy and a lot of countries are trading with it. The current affairs of China in this example are viewed and deemed as important as it could affect the currency values and subsequently the trade market. From this point, it seems that international news is worth to be aware of by some people.

In view of the two arguments discussed, it is difficult to decide which side has more significance to the reader. It is concluded that both national and international news are equally important and thus readers are encouraged to read news relevant to them.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Prohibit public smoking ? - AGREE or DISAGREE ? [NEW]

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.

The awareness on harmful effects from smoking among the general public has put much pressure on the government and private sectors. As a result, some businesses prohibit smoking in their premises and even some governments restrict smoking in public area. It is agreed that the move will do more good by looking at the quality of health and image of a nation in long run.

Firstly, it is well known and clinically proven that smoking is extremely hazardous to the smoker and others who have been exposed to the fume over a period of time. Recent death statistic released by the Malaysian Ministry of Health shows that the top killer was lung related diseases caused by smoking. A large proportion of death involved second hand smoker particularly young children and pregnant women who were vulnerable to these lethal diseases. Therefore, the number of fatality can be significantly reduced if a total ban on public smoking is implemented.

Secondly, the image of a healthy nation can be promoted when government restricts public smoking by imposing stern penalty to the offender. For instance, the Brunei government had recently enforced a law against smoking in public areas such as cafés, hospital and shopping street. This step has curbed down the numbers of smokers in the country and as a result, Brunei remains a place known for its tranquility and cleanliness. This example shows the benefit of restricting public smoking to a country as a whole.

To sum up, the effort to prohibit people from smoking in public area is certainly helping in curtailing the associated health risks and to create a healthy nation. It is hoped that more businesses and governments will follow the same initiatives for the interest of the people and the country.