Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Humans have feelings, and because of this, they are easily manipulated by grades [4]

Hello all, I'm new at this forum. I'm going to take TOEFL in a short time so I hope you would take a moment to read and review my essay, and if possible, correct it.

Thanks.

Do grades encourage students to learn?

Teacher gives students assignments and tests in order to measure the capability of children as well as to measure his/her ability to teach students. Due to this method of teaching, teacher is forced to give grades to the students grades based on these academic measurement. I personally believe that grades encourage students to learn and do their best because of several reasons mentioned below.

First of all, humans are naturally competitive in every way of life. They compete for job, food, and even power in politics. As they compete, there will always be the winner and the loser. As the winner wins, he/she will work even harder to maintain its winning position. But, what happens to the loser? He/she will also get motivated to work harder because of the embarrassment of losing to the winner. The same case applies to academic life. As the grades are given by the teachers, both students who get good grades and bad one, will study harder and indeed learn more.

The second reason comes from the parents. Every parent does not want their children to get bad grades. If their children get one, their parents will be disappointed or even angry. This situation may bring the idea of having a private teacher for them. By having another teacher apart from their official teachers in class, they will be forced to study. Even if the children do not get a private teacher, they still will study more because of the bad feelings towards their parents by having them disappointed.

Based on the reasons I mentioned above, I summarize that students are encouraged to learn because of the grades they get. Humans have feelings, and because of this, they will be easily manipulated by some things, including grades.

Writing Feedback / The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read its newspapers and magazines [NEW]

Hello all, I'm going to take TOEFL one week from now.
I know I'm not a good writer and I can't giving reasons well.
Please review my essay, and can you tell me how much I could get with this kind of essay in a scale of 30?
It's 316 words, and It takes almost 30 minutes.
Thanks in advance.

The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read its newspapers and magazines

Nowadays, newspapers and magazines have become a part of our life. People cannot deny the fact that they need information provided by these media. This information may not only available for natives of the country where the newspaper is published, but also for foreigners who want to learn about this country. I believe that reading these media is the best way for a foreigner to learn about a country.

First of all, these media provide detail information on the lifestyle of people in the country. From this lifestyle, we can understand how people live in the country. For example, in the Islamic countries, the women should cover their hair with some scarf as their religion asks them to do so. They also are not allowed to have a physical contact with the opposite sex, even though it is just holding hands. This rule can be obtained through writings in the media. By having this information, a foreigner who wants to come to a country, will understand how to behave properly according to the rule.

Second, all national issues are printed on the newspaper. If there is a catastrophe or a crisis in a country, the media will definitely inform people in the country through its writings. This can warn not only the citizen of the country, but also others who are not a citizen to be aware when they intend to come.

Third, people give their opinions to the media. When a certain problem arises in a country, there will be many opinions that come out, whether it is from the government member or from the citizen. From these opinions, people can learn how natives think and react to a certain problem.

To sum up, newspapers and magazines provide a lot of information about people and the events that happen around them. Because of that, these media are very useful to learn about a country.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - I believe that every businessman should do anything to make a profit [3]

Hello all, I'm gonna have TOEFL in a few days.
I hope you can check this essay and tell me what I need to improve?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Business should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As the world become more populated, many people have started their own business in order to make both ends meet. Sometimes they even do everything they can to make their business profitable. I believe that every businessman should do anything to make a profit. My reasons and examples listed below will strengthen my point of view.

People have needs such as food, shelter, and education. In order to satisfy them, they have to start their own business and earn more money. For example, I had a teacher who also worked as a vegetable seller. When I asked him why he sold vegetables, he said that he needed money to pay his son's school fees and his salary as a teacher was not sufficient. If he did not earn profit from selling vegetables, I am sure that his son will not be able to get education.

On the other hand, sometimes people obtain money from inappropriate efforts. For example, there was a company in my country that produced dangerous product. They sold cosmetics product that contained mercury which is toxic to our skin. This company used water that was polluted by mercury in order to reduce their expenditure in the production and get more profit. At the end, the consumers knew about this scandal, and pleaded their case in court. As a result, the company went bankrupt and had to pay a lot of money.

To put all in a nutshell, businessmen should do everything to make a profit, but they have to do in a decent way. Ill-gotten wealth would not satisfy anyone as it brings more problems to their lives.