Undergraduate / 'when I received my second TOEFL score' - PERSONAL QUALITY,TALENT,EXPERIENCE [3]

I am a Vietnamese student, I really need help and advice on my UC college essay. Thanks.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I have experienced a very unfortunate time of my life. However, it turned out that the failing I have got from that experience has opened a new path which, surprisingly, led me to discover the very inner quality of mine: to never give up

That was the time when I received my second TOEFL score. After having taken the TOEFL test for the first time, a year later I decided to take it one more time since I was not satisfied with that score. However, I took it for granted so much that I almost thought that my score could never be low. In other words, I was so self-confident that I could never imagine and think about the worst possibility. After taking it, I was not the only one who believed that my scores would be high. In fact, my family, my friends and my teachers - the grateful people who always confide and believe in me - had just the same thought. I was looking forward to the scores so much, I even pictured myself seeing my dream scores and how proud and happy I would feel when I saw it. Nevertheless, I could never believe what I saw when the scores were available: I got ONE point higher than the first scores. ONE point only. I was extremely aghast. In a moment, I did not know what to do and I even thought of hiding this from my parents and everyone else. Then, I started to cry.

Things got even worse when I decided to tell my parents about my scores and their reactions were not surprising to me. I could see the disappointed eyes of my father and feel the silence of my mother. They did not complain or scold, they were just unspoken.

But something came across. Something on my mind that made me ask myself: Why crying? Is it actually going to help? And then I found out that it was not the last chance. I still have many chances to retake it, it was just a matter of time and money. Why not taking it again and trying my best this time? Suddenly, I stopped thinking pessimistically and asked my parents for money to retake it. My father was reluctant at first because he was afraid I would not have made any changes. However, he approved of the idea and the situation was improving since then. One month later, I did the test successfully and the scores - not to my surprise- were much better than the previous'.

This experience has made me realize the importance of tenacity and optimism: Not only does it help people to believe in themselves but it also encourages them to keep on trying. As Steve Jobs once said: 'sometimes, life is gonna hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith'. When I saw those words from that great inventor, I knew I was inspired, by not only the words but also, by my own self failure.

Some people often say this,' Tests do not evaluate a person's skills precisely'. For some reasons, I agree that sometimes a person's ability to perform any task is not totally and accurately judged through any kind of tests. However, I believe it does show how good of a progress that person has made. And if the progress that I made during that one month counts, undoubtedly I should be proud of myself to ascertain that I can contribute to more profound projects in the near future.

Undergraduate / 'I'm from Vietnam I have chosen America to be my destination' THE WORLD YOU COME FROM [4]

I'm an international student. I'm aiming for UCLA and UC Davis. Please help me with my essay, i'll take every comment seriously

Thanks

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

I am a Vietnamese. And in Vietnam, the race in which people striving for honors and positions has been the very tough challenge that enables each of us to actually reach what we aim for. For we students, that race has always been the process of learning and competing. Not only has it been the criteria which determine the value and the future of a student but it also strengthens the effort and inclination of a student to achieve success.

In my country, from the very early stage of settling, education had been placed as the first standard for seeking gifted students. Although the process was greatly different from that of today, the spirit has always been the same. Sometimes a student keeps studying day to night without even stopping. And extra classes are inevitable. But I have realized that it is not about how many hours one has spent learning or how much knowledge one has obtained. Instead, it is about how people eventually acknowledge the true purpose as well as the meaning of what they have learned and therefore, are able to put that into practice. However, in the world of challenge and competition, people seem to forget that and only focus on their goals.

I have thank my world for making me become intrigued to study, to compete, to challenge, to reach for the top, and to change for the better. Nevertheless, I also blame it for making students become unaware of the real purpose of studying. When I was younger, my friends and I often asked each other: 'Why are we studying this? What is it for?'. And still, there has been no particular answer for those questions.

Somehow, I started to have dreams. The dreams where I get to study and challenge as usual but in another kind of environment, the dreams in which people have freedom of speech to request a change in policies without worrying about oppression, the dreams where people do what they know and know why they do it. So the only way to make those dreams come true is to explore the real world, the world where education is also considered important but not pressures, the world where I can still compete in a race with consciousness of positive educational value. And that explains why I have chosen America to be my destination, because I know in America I will have that chance to experience true education, to compete with various people around the world, and more importantly, to fulfill my dreams.

Undergraduate / 'thinking was all I could do' - UC - PERSONAL QUALITY, TALENT [4]

hi, a few days ago i uploaded an essay of mine for this topic, but then i think it was not good so i decided to do another one. Comments pleaseee

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The place was crowded. The atmosphere was bustling. The decorations were colorful. People were everywhere, moving and laughing. It was the whole scenario of my high school's 2011 Spring Festival. I was in 11th grade, and 11th graders were supposed to sell different beverages while 10th graders sold souvenirs and 12th graders sold food. At first, the idea of selling drinks was not at all overwhelming to my classmates and me. In fact, we all thought it was going to be fun and under control, until a very unfortunate trouble occurred.

My class and I were busy selling drinks and people could not stop coming towards our counter, which was obviously great. We assumed that everything would be fine and we would keep selling until there was no drink left. However, while there was still a large amount of juice, milk, coffee and milkshake, plastic glasses were completely run out, that meant there would be nothing to pour the drinks into. Unfortunately, the line waiting in front of our counter was still very long, and people kept asking for their drinks. Therefore, my classmates started to panic. They did not know what to do and how to deal with this. At the same time, people started yelling and asking for their drinks angrily. One of us tried to propitiate them by offered each of them two drinks later. But they lost their patience and began walking away to other counters. The situation got even worse when one started blaming another for not buying enough glasses. My responsibility throughout the whole time was just to keep the money and do some calculation, but then when the situation became truly aggravated, I knew I had to do something.

Usually when it comes to problems and solutions, thinking was all I could do. Nevertheless, in this case, I had to think and act fast. I stopped what I was doing and told all my friends to relax since I was the only one who was still able to be calm. I tried to explain to them that fighting was not going to help improve the problem and that we always had to be united no matter what happened. I told one of them to try asking other classes and counters if they could lend or sell some of their glasses to us. Meanwhile, the boys will drop by the groceries store to buy more plastic glasses. But more importantly, it was the guests that we had to deal with, and the only way to keep them was to entertain them and gain their attention. I asked the dancers of my class to put some music on and make some moves. Surprisingly, more people came to our counter to watch the dance and almost no one seemed to care about the drinks. By the time the dance finished, plastic glasses had arrived. No one really cared about the waiting the situation back then since everyone really did enjoy the dance, so everything was eventually under control.

Besides the fact that I did play a big part in improving the situation, I got to discover my quality for being calm, conscious and able to deal with things even in urgent cases. After that time, my friends always ask me for advice when it comes to group work. Somehow, I inadvertently started to have the leadership in almost every project of my class.